Bitch, moan, whine, wail. Work, work some more, fight allergies, take a nap, check DVR, tweet a little, write some more, eat, check the blog, argue with family, write some more, sleep. Yes indeed, for a while there my life took on an alarming pattern. And it was all a blur to me, it was all I could do to remember my name let alone figure out how I felt about the fact that my life had become a cycle of word counts, editing, creating character depth and typing until I was bleary-eyed.
So there was this weird moment Thursday evening. I had just woken up from a nap, I had a turkey BLT with a large glass of South Australian Shiraz, then I settled down in my office to just chill. I knew I had nothing urgent on my plate for Friday, my hair looked good (these things are important) and for the moment in time, I was drama free. And all of a sudden, there was this feeling that came over me. I could not identify the feeling for a moment or two and then it came to me. Clued in by the stupid smile spreading across my face, I realized that what I was feeling… was happiness.
I sat and embraced the feeling wondering if was fleeting or sticking around for a second. It seemed like just yesterday that I was shuffling around resenting my lot in life, positive nothing good was coming my way any time soon and my best days were behind me. (Wait, that might have actually been yesterday). Moving on… the point is, that happy 'the world is mine and no one can steal my joy feeling" was back.
In typical Michele fashion, I had to try and analyze where the happiness came from. There was no man, no music, no chocolate, no new shoes or big check and only a very little bit of wine involved. Those are generally the things that I can count on for some happy. This one just appeared out of nowhere and hung around.
Driving by the need not to waste time, within 30 minutes I began making lists of things I needed to do and setting deadlines. I reviewed my financial plan for the next 90 days, I reviewed my outlines for Book 3 and a short story due in June, I contemplated an article I was working on for a California-based webzine.
Shortly thereafter, I felt the happy fading. I set the to-do lists aside for a moment and decided to just write whatever I felt like writing. I caught myself smiling at the monitor while I typed up a scene that had been rattling around in my head for a while. Not sure what story it fits into but it was full of snappy dialogue and interesting subtext. I was happy again. One sure sign that I'm feeling good, I closed the office door and danced around blasting Ain't Nothin' Wrong With That:
[Here's hoping no one EVER catches my grooving to this on film, it's not pretty. More of a heartfelt expressive jam where I channel my inner rocker chick.] Anyway, I spend a lot of time on social media sites, there are a LOT of unhappy people out there. Snark is all well and good but it seems someone always wants to ratchet up their snark to the swordplay level and then things get nasty. There's a pervasive negativism that becomes infectious. I unfollowed about 30 unhappy people this week. I changed my Facebook settings so the unhappiness doesn't land in my inbox. I spent long moments on the Sprint website figuring out how to block certain text messages from ever reaching my phone. Long story short – I built electronic fences to keep the unhappy out and the happy in.
My Ah-ha moment: Could it be that when I got out of my own way and stopped overthinking every blessed thing that I was a generally happy person? Yes! Is it really as easy as just deciding to own your happiness in the moment? Yes! Clearly I won't be hopping and skipping around giddy all day everyday but I can decide to create my own happy place and live in it even for just a moment.
So I ask you BougieLand, what takes you to your happy place (keep it NC-17 please)? Are you ready for some happy? Happy Friday… emphasis on Happy! J