Are you ready to get real? (An Open Letter to an Idiot a Friend)

I had to take a pause for the cause (sort of). Today was going to be Are you Ready to Stand and Deliver? It was going to be a scathing commentary on Mike Steele, Tea Party Shenanigans and ReThugs. I was going to exhort you all to get involved on a local level to beat back propaganda, ignorance and hate. I was going to bitch at length about Confederate History Month in Virginia and whip you all up into an indignant fury over the latest trend of flaunting racism and camouflaging it as "conservative policies." It was going to be epic. But I got derailed by a series of phone calls.

Do we recall the story of my friend Sam? Long-time friend who invited me to a concert but had a whole sexpectation agenda going on? Yeah, him. Today he sent a text to say he had tickets to the Maxwell/Jill Scott concert on June 8th and would I be interested in going. Hmm. First of all, the concert is three months away… why ask so far in advance? Secondly, did he think I FORGOT what he really wanted the last time he asked me to a concert? No matter how much I covet the tickets (and I really do) what am I, stupid? I replied back that I'm going with somebody else (I'll work on it).

Sam decided to respond with a phone call. After a little internal debate, I let it go to voicemail. He called back… seven (7!) times… AND left messages each time. For my male readers out there – please cosign with me that one call and one voicemail is sufficient, two is overkill and seven indicates a bigger problem, does it not? ANY way, everyone who knows me well knows that if I talk to you, you're okay. But if I feel like I have to WRITE YOU A LETTER… it's so not good. Here's my letter to Sam…

Dear Sam,

I listened to the first four of your seven messages, I assumed that was enough to grasp the main idea. You implied that I've perpetrated some colossal fraud on you over the course of the past few years. Somehow toyed with your emotions and what was your phrase? "Dangled" myself in front of you. Like wow. I'm pretty sure I can honestly say I've never dangled myself in front of anybody. I'm not sure I'd know how. This also tells me you've paid NO attention to who I am and how I act. If I was dangle-inclined, I would have just said so. Life is too short for the game playing. But I suspect you don't know nothin' 'bout that. You also implied that I'm just mean. Well, I can be but I haven't been mean to you. Here's hoping you never see the mean side of Michele.

I've decided the best way to respond is to include you in my Are You Ready week on BnB. So let me ask you… are you ready to get real? I mean really real? You ready? Okay good…

What's real is that I've known you for close to four years and you have been unable to maintain a meaningful relationship with any woman for more than a two week time period. I gave keeping up with the names of the "ladies" you have been embroiled with. But have you ever wondered why you can't find someone to put up with you for more than two dates? I really haven't wanted to speculate but now I'm beginning to wonder.

What's real is that you don't seem to understand nuances. Sex vs. Love, Smile vs. Come On, Friend vs. Flirt, No thank you vs. I hate you. I turned down your invitation to this concert because your last invitation led to an uncomfortable situation. I was preserving what was left of our casual friendship. Read those last two words again: casual friendship.

What's real is that I never indicated that I wanted to be any more than friends after our initial "date" which was a disaster of epic proportions. So bad in fact that we had to laugh and decide to be friends just so that something positive could come out of that horrid an experience. But now I'm wondering if you are a different person when you date someone than when you are "just friends" because we have hung out and laughed and talked like human beings until you decided to turn it into something else altogether.

What's really real is that I did miss every clue you swear you gave about wanting to be more than friends. Which makes me wonder what the hell kind of clues you threw my way? This may be part of the problem. You don't know when to come direct and correct and when not to. For the record, a "Michele, I want out of the friend zone" would have been a great start. No it would not have netted the result you wanted but I would have known what you were thinking or feeling.

What's real is that I was insulted by your "sexpectations" and no, it's not because I'm a prude. It's because you came at me all sideways. Even if you "didn't realize" that I wouldn't appreciate your tactics, do you really not know women well enough to know better?

What's real is that I suspect something else is going on that I know nothing about because all of that seven-call drama seems over the top. Even for you.

What's real is that I'm going to give you all the space and time in the world to work it out. And I wish you luck with that.

Also what's real is that I hope you're not insulted that I sent you the link to this post instead of calling you back. It's not passive-aggressive, it's drama avoidance. Plus you make great blog fodder. Apologies but you do.

As long as you're reading, please jump back to the rest of this week's posts on being relationship ready and ready to grow up. Okay, that statement might have been a little passive-aggressive. My bad. You can feel free to leave your comment here (thought I suspect you won't) because I won't be answering that call or text any time soon. Hope this answers your questions.

Keeping it Real,


BougieLand – did you ever have someone that you had to get really real with? Does it really seem possible that a man would be interested in a woman for years and not make some sort of move? I mean, we're grown, this isn't high school. Le Sigh. Comments, thoughts and opinions always welcome. The floor is yours…