Bougie Bachelor Chronicles - Twitter troubles

Le Dude has a crew of guys here in Dallas that he knows from his Georgia days. Some were his line brothers, others they adopted to the crew along the way. We've come to call the main group of six the Georgia Boys. David found BougieLand first and then joined Twitter. Trey followed and eventually Jay, Shawn, Wes and Bryan followed suit.

When all of the Georgia Boys joined Twitter, they thought it would be a fun way to keep up with each other and folks they'd met on the Innanets. There were some growing pains - they had to learn the difference between what you text and what you tweet. There was a learning curve about how to check and reply to DMs. (Some of them are still challenged.) There were rules of engagement about how much to share and what to keep to yo' damn self. Others realized that alcohol and Twitter are a dangerous combination. And some were slower to understand that what happens on Twitter is pretty much broadcast out into the world forever. Forever ever? Forever ever.

So right after the New Year's Eve debacle where we all very publicly tweeted our displeasure with each other, we had a CTJ (Come to Jesus) meeting about how Twitter will forevermore be used amongst us. (respectfully with discretion and humor) At some point during that discussion - it was discovered that three of the Georgia Boys were semi-sort of hollering at the same chick in DMs. Two of them were in trouble for tweeting foolishness that their wives read. Another realized that his boss was following him and reading every word. Another found out that a girl he had broken up with (and considered taking out a restraining order against) was following him under an alias. Whelp!

Now these are smart guys but somehow sitting behind a keyboard in an open forum things got complicated. It was decided that perhaps a period of reflection would be in order? A review of what works and what does not? They decided to self-suspend for 30 days. The suspension lifts tomorrow. Welcome the wiser Georgia Boys back to Twitlandia.

BougieLand - are folks less careful on forums like Twitter than they are in real life? Do you pay attention to the people that follow you? Have you ever been involved in some Twitter drama. And any words of advice for the fellas? Do share...

Five things women say to men (and vice versa) that drives them crazy

So after yesterday's post about conversational miscues- there was a lot of commenting about things the opposite sex says that drive the other crazy. I've listed the top five of each. Enjoy...

Five things women say that men can't stand:

1. "Nothing" - As in the answer to, "What's wrong?"
2. "It's fine" - When it's clearly not fine.
3. "Whatever" - It's a cop-out. You know it, we know it. So be it.
4. "We need to talk" - Strikes fear in the hearts of men globally.
5. Nothing at all - As in, we say nothing. That's when they know something is really, really wrong.

Five things men say that women can't stand:

1. "Let me call you back" - Thanks. Now we know we'll be hearing from you on 33rd of Neveruary.
2. "Babe, we cool." - So you're just using me for cocoa and I'll never meet your mother.
3. "She's just a friend." - Really tho?
4. "Did you say something?" - Weren't you listening?
5. Nothing at all accompanied by a shrug. -  As in, the sanswer to "Can you go by the store? Did you take out the trash? Did you hear the last five things I said? Do you love me?" The male shrug is epic in its ability to enrage  while saying nothing at all.

BougieLand - any to add to the list?

Conversational miscues - Say What Now?

Heated debate ensued yesterday because I answered a question with the phrase, "Hmm... interesting." Now in my mind, when I say this it's because I 1) find what was just said interesting 2) need more time to marinate on what was said or 3) have nothing else to add at that time. Apparently however, when I use this phrase it is perceived as me saying, "I don't agree but I don't want to argue, keep it moving." Hmm... interesting.

I definitely have some conversational tells in my lexicon. 

As I'm becoming irritated:  "You know what..." 

When I'm flummoxed: "Uh... alrighty then"

Starting off a long-winded story: "So the other day..."

Wrapping up a phone conversation: "Well okay girl..."

In the middle of an argument that I'm losing: "This is not working for me"

But when I asked others how they perceived those phrases, they had a multitude of varying interpretations. One of my exes would ask me how I was doing and I would answer, "Just peachy." This drove him crazy - he thought I was being flippant. But um... I really was just peachy.

Another hated when I said, "Whatever!" He found that dismissive (it was). Another has a tell where every time he was about to spout some shiggity he started with, "Let me be honest with you.." I knew whatever came next was Pulitzer-worthy fiction. (Also "Can I be honest with you for a second?" Pauseworthy. Are you saying you haven't been honest all along? :-/)

One would ask, "How's your calendar looking?" That was code for "I feel neglected and you need to make time for me." Another would make sure I was understanding him with, "You feel me, right?" And I would co-sign, "Totally!" Had. No. Clue.

I had a boss who started a sentence, "Here's the situation..." we knew it wasn't going to be good. Phrases like "Do you have a minute?" (when the person plans on taking a half hour) "Now that you mention it.." (means they've been dying to say something and are so glad you brought it up)

Yesterday's conversation got me to thinking - what are the little throwaway phrases we use everyday and how are they perceived? Do you have a segue phrase to move a conversation along, wrap it up or express displeasure? Do share...

All topics ain't for ev'body... or are they?

Almost daily around there here Innanets, I see people pontificating about various topics that they may or may not know a damn thing about. For the most part I let it slide. I mean opinion is opinion, right? But when those opinions start easing towards a "knowledge share" or advisory slant - I need the good people calling themselves writers, bloggers, columnists, whatever to leave expert topics to the experts. Or at the very least, speak from a position of intelligence.

My older brother is a doctor. I am not. The extent of medical advice that I give out generally sounds like, "Nyquil is the bomb. Heating pads are miraculous inventions. Migraines were created by the devil. Drink more water." See what I did there? I shared my experience and told you what worked for me, you are free to draw your own conclusions.

Similarly, do I not always (always, always) tell people that I'm not a relationship expert? I can only give my opinion based on the crazy-azz life I've lived and the out-of-pocket things I've seen and wish you the best of luck. You'll rarely see me give marital advice. Know why? Multiple engagements do not a marriage make. I don't know from married life, I've played at it, been near it, come close and backed away. All I can do is offer a witty uneducated opinion and call in Dr. Jayme.

I mean, I have seen the reactions when non-African Americans attempt to speak to "the Black experience" - it's not pretty. Does this mean that white folks should never write about black folks? Of course not. But it means that the writer should pen either a) opinion & commentary b) researched facts from reputable sources c) fiction or d) factual news reports. Any attempt to delve into an experience that is not only foreign but complex should be considered long and hard.

Similarly, there are some "female" topics that men should approach with all due caution and reverence. Yes, reverence. Pregnancy and all menstrual issues to name one or two. Basically all issues surrounding the vijayjay except sex. Men can blog about sex all day and all night as long as they are willing to accept constructive feedback and performance appraisals.

I was sent the link to an article written by a man about his opinions on rape and responsibility. Not men being raped, women being raped. I had to pump the brakes. Rape is one of those topics that is already ubersensitive and personal.  Because of that and a myriad of other reasons, it's not a "winnable" topic. The best you can say is - rape is bad, don't do it. And back gingerly out of the conversation. But when you start tiptoeing around blame and responsibility - the waters get mighty murky especially coming from a male.

I also read an article penned by a European woman about why Native Americans hadn't "pulled themselves up by their bootstraps" by now and reclaimed land that was rightly theirs. I read in stunned disbelief as she delved into revolutionary strategies she believed would make hundreds of years of shiggity magically right itself. I had to stop reading in fear that her next line was telling African Americans to get back on the boat.

These types of articles leave me wondering why a writer chose a particular topic? Was the writer just really passionate about it? Was it the use of a knowingly inflammatory topic for pageviews? Did anyone consider the long-term value add? I'm not taking shots, I'm just curious as the bigger picture.

So I ask, good people, are there just some topics certain folks should leave well enough alone or is it all just open season? Should there be more "this is just my opinion" disclaimers tacked on? Do share your thoughts...

Is the entire country grading on a curve?

There's a widespread epidemic I must address today. I'm sure you've seen it, lamented and wondered what can be done about it. I'm talking about the acceptance of things that are just so-so and calling them excellent. Taking C-level work and calling it A+. It's everywhere - music, movies, schools, work ethics, books, actors, politicians, opinions - people are cosigning and elevating some regular-assed shiggity to legendary status. It must stop.

I have to accept my part of the blame in this. There have definitely been times when I have described things as "epic" or "uber" or "best ever" when they really, truly weren't. They were good, maybe even great but greatest of all time? No. Here are a few pop culture examples of what I'm talking about:

Exhibit one from Facebook: "I think Fantasia is the next Etta James." And someone co-signing! Okay now, Tasia Mae is talented but ur.. uh... Etta James (RIP) level? Stop it. Let Tasia stand on her own and leave Etta out of it. If Tasia belts out classics that stand the test of time for 40+ years, then we'll talk.

Exhibit two from Twitter: Tyrese comparing his contributions to society to those of Martin Luther King. And someone telling him he was "just as inspirational". (You know how angry it makes me me to put those two names in the same sentence?)

Exhibit three from Politics: Newt Gingrich challenging Obama to debates. And a news guy on a channel that shall not be named saying Newt matched up evenly with Obama on intelligence and speech. New-New-G? Obeezy. Will. Slaughter. You. Trust me Gingy. You don't want none.

Exhibit four from a blog: Chick describes herself as a best-selling author and folks congratule her. Someone else asks "Where are you ranked?" and is called a hater. Um... selling 100 books at your church bazaar does not a bestseller make. Unless an accredited outlet awards you with the "bestselling" title, just stay humble and be glad someone bought your ish.

Exhibit five overheard in Target: "Drake is the best rapper ever" Me: "Really tho? Not Pac or Jay or Biggie or Em?" Uninformed dude: "Man, Drake would smoke Tupac." His friend nods. Me: "Oh." That sound you hear is Biggie & Pac backflipping in their graves.

People, I'm sorry. It must be said - a lot of the stuff that we're exposed to right now? C+ at best, yet folks seem determined to assign A's across the board. I don't kid myself, I'm a good writer with a nice career and a decent blog. On a good day I'll grade myself 92, on a so-so day 82. I'm not creating American Classics or dropping life-alerting blog posts but dammit I'm entertaining. I know my niche. 

Seriously, take this a level deeper - have we (as a nation) just gotten so used to basic-basic being elevated that we no longer recognize or expect excellence? Let's face it - people are not so smart. And they share their "not so smartness" with us everyday and we just nod because it's easier. People are not so talented and no one tells them that they suck. Folks declare themselves fabulous and we cosign if it's shiny enough. When is enough enough? Are we so happy not to be a nation of F's that we're giddy at a C?

When do we start pushing back on half-baked half-assedness and begin demanding that people try a little harder, dig a little deeper and give a little more? I'm not saying there is not excellence out there, I see it all around. I'm saying, let's not nominate racist narrow-minded cheating-azz bigots for the Presidency let's keep it real, shall we? Let's stop calling stainless steel platinum.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about or am I dancing with myself (<~~also the title of Billy Idol song which is decent but not epic. See what I did there?)... Bougie out. Ya'll share your thoughts on this...

Bougie Movie Review - Red Tails

Red Tails is a good movie, not a great one. If you are expecting a sweeping historical epic that takes you on a heart-racing journey, this isn't that. If you are expecting a pivotal snapshot of an important moment in Black History a la Malcolm X, this ain't that. Red Tails is an aptly-written, beautifully filmed enjoyable two hour movie. Period.

For those who don't know, Red Tails is about the Tuskegee Airman training program. The film was written by Aaron McGruder (The Boondocks) and John Ridley (U Turn, Three Kings, Undercover Brother). Anthony Hemingway (Ali, Changing Lanes, The Wire) directed the film. George Lucas executive produced this movie and felt so strongly about it, he wrote a personal check for upwards of $50 million when he couldn't get a studio to back the project.

I will admit, I felt compelled to support the movie after bitching about the TPization of the film industry and lamenting about "where have all the black films gone?" time after time. I have no desire to see Madea Flies Jets or Why Did I Get Married 6. So BougieMom and I hit the Studio Movie Grill for Friday's matinee.

The movie started off slow but picked up. Transitions between scenes weren't clear and you weren't 100% sure how much time passed from one movie moment to the next. You got the feeling that there was some stuff on the cutting room floor that might have filled in a blank or two. The dialogue had its moments, the cinematography and special effects were awesome, and you did find yourself engaged with the characters on the screen. No shocks, a few thrills, a few heart string pulls and a chuckle or two sums it up. If the story has a fatal flaw, it's predictability. Ya kinda knew what was gong to be said and done before it happened.

About the acting... I'm not a Terrence Howard fan. But this role was his least irksome in a while. I have a few issues with Cuba Gooding Jr but say what you will about dude (Snow Dogs, really son?) - his niche is playing that All-American character who delivers a catchy line and moves the story forward. Nate Parker played troubled squad leader Easy without much depth though David Oyelowo played hotshot pilot Lightning convincingly. To me, the surprise of the cast was Ne-Yo, playing a character named Smokie. He was surprisingly adept with comedic timing that stole many a scene. Andre Royo (Bubs from The Wire) was completely underutilized in his role as airplane mechanic.

The movie ended somewhat abruptly but still left you with the warm fuzzy wrapped up in a pretty bow. Overall, I give this movie 3.5 stars out of 5. It won't knock your socks off but doesn't leave you angry that you wasted your time and money. Not an instant classic but worth a look. Just one bougie chick's opinion.

In short, I liked it. Didn't love it, but liked it. BougieMom loved it (love, love, loved it) as did the others of her generation in the theater. The matinee was sparsely attended but when we walked out, the line was out the door and the ticket takers were already announcing that the next three shows of the night were sold out. Good for them.

Will you see (have you seen) it, BougieLand? Why or why not or what did you think? (no spoilers, please!)

The more things change...

I have so many questions about this picture. Why am I sitting in the fireplace like Cinderella? Why am I leaned up against logs like they are super comfortable? What am I reading? WHAT AM I WEARING? Le Sigh.

You can handle birthdays a few ways - you can be shell shocked at where all the time went, you can be melancholy about time lost, you can be giddy that you're still here, or you can ignore the whole thing. I tend to be a little mood swingy about it. But this year, I'm just happy to be be here.

I did stop and think what's different, what's changed and what's stayed the same over the years. Here's what I've come with...

1) I used to be quiet and self-contained. Now I'm reserved until I'm comfortable and then I speak my mind.

2) I used to be a book worm. I still am. 

3) I used to be shy. Yeah, that ship set sail a while ago.

4) I've been an optimist then a pessimist than an optimist again. I'm firmly in the between of those now.

5) I used to be very sweet, seriously - I was a sweetheart. Now? I have my moments.

6) I used to be gullible and a shade naive. Surprisingly, I still find that I'm shocked and awed at folks' shenanigans.

7) I've never really been insecure but I've had different levels of security on different categories of my life. I worry a little less about the exterior more about the interior. I don't stress over who likes  me and who doesn't. I don't worry about my career, it always works out in the end as it was meant to be. Same thing with relationships.

8) I used to be a romantic. God help me, I still am. 

9) I wanted to be a writer. Then a lawyer, then a CEO and now? A writer. At last.

10) My priorities were God and family first, s/o and friends seconds, then career and ambition, a whole bunch of other stuff and then me. These are pretty much the same though I've moved me into 2nd place..

BougieLand, what's changed about you from childhood to adulthood? What's stayed the same? Do share...