Disgrace to Any Race

Crime has no color (nor does idiocy)

Let's first present this shiggty (guised as lessons he tells his children) from John Derbyshire of the National Review without preface:
(10a) Avoid concentrations of blacks not all known to you personally.

(10b) Stay out of heavily black neighborhoods.

(10c) If planning a trip to a beach or amusement park at some date, find out whether it is likely to be swamped with blacks on that date (neglect of that one got me the closest I have ever gotten to death by gunshot).

(10d) Do not attend events likely to draw a lot of blacks.

(10e) If you are at some public event at which the number of blacks suddenly swells, leave as quickly as possible.

(10f) Do not settle in a district or municipality run by black politicians.

(10g) Before voting for a black politician, scrutinize his/her character much more carefully than you would a white.

(10h) Do not act the Good Samaritan to blacks in apparent distress, e.g., on the highway.

(10i) If accosted by a strange black in the street, smile and say something polite but keep moving.

(11) The mean intelligence of blacks is much lower than for whites. The least intelligent ten percent of whites have IQs below 81; forty percent of blacks have IQs that low. Only one black in six is more intelligent than the average white; five whites out of six are more intelligent than the average black. These differences show in every test of general cognitive ability that anyone, of any race or nationality, has yet been able to devise. They are reflected in countless everyday situations. “Life is an IQ test.”
I have questions -
1. They still MAKE people like this?
2. What kind of event is he talking about where black folks just flood in all of sudden? 
3. I notice he didn't reference his source for those IQ stats? The KKK newsletter perhaps? Aryan Nation Weekly? 
4. So the fact that the burglar I caught in my house (in a predominantly non-black neighborhood) was white means... what?
5. The fact that the one time someone tried to snatch my purse, it was a white person in a sea of white people means... what?
6. The only time I feared being gunned down, the gun was being held by someone not of African descent means... what?
7. By the way, if these were rules 10-11, I'm scared to know what 1-9 might have been.

Let's piggyback the aforementioned idocy with the email I received from a Guy calling himself White Night:
We don't know each other, let's you and me tell the truth. All of your relationship issues stem from the fact that you need a strong white man who isn't intimidated by your afrrican power to tame you. You only love Obama because he's half white. And if Trayvon Martin was a white kid you wouldn't care. Why don't you try being black, bougie and believable?
Are you still blinking with disbelief at your screen as I did for several minutes after reading this? This guy gave me "permission" to publish his email address but I say why? To give him the attention he so obviously seeks? No. Thank. You. I want to respond but I'm too busy cackling to say anything besides - huh? What ya'll know about my African Power? Does that come bottled or in a cream based formula? Here are my answers:

1. I've never had a white guy offer to whip it out and tame me. I'll take #IgnantforAnyRace for $1000, Alex. I'm confused, is dude trying to chastise me or date me? 
2. Obama shade is so passe unless you're running for national office. In which case, carry on.
3. If Trayvon Martin was white, he'd still be alive today.
4. I can't fit black 'n bougie 'n believable on the banner. 

BougieLand, do discuss. Thoughts, comments, insights? Gotta response for White Night?

@Racialicious said it best - Jan Brewer done lost her mind, yo

Hey all, I got nothing today. I was going to do a blistering post on entitlement. Who has has it, who needs it, and where can we find some. But the good folks at Racialicious handled some of that for me. Check out their post: Five Thoughts on Why Jan Brewer Should Keep Her Fingers to Herself.

Sidebar: Am I the only one who would've been hard-pressed not to catch a federal case smacking the shiggity out of her? A finger pointing in the face is like spit flying - it's a red flag saying Eff Yo' Presidency. I hope you good folks in Arizona don't need any federal assistance while old girl is in office... I'm just saying.

Go check out the Racialicious post and tell me what you think. Entitlement? Mad disrespect? Temporary insanity? All of the above?

The Spitzer Dilemma: Does sexual stupidity equal lack of leadership ability?

Follow me for a minute: Infidelity is immoral (not inevitable - that's a different post). Immorality reeks of poor judgment. Poor judgment hints at flawed character. Flawed character is not a desired trait in a great leader... right?

I watched Client 9: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer on Bio Channel the other night and it was... illuminating. There were so many machinations and subplots going on in the back drop of that scandal. There's no getting around the grimy 'married but paying for cocoa' element but the determination of pissy entitled old guard billionaires to bring him down seriously got my dander up. 

Now I'm not in any way saying that Spitzer wasn't a damn fool for all the hooker shenanigans. But it made me wonder, does swimming knee deep in heaux shiggity really impact his ability to lead the state of New York? Was Clinton not an effective President because of the Lewinsky (et al) of it all? Do we think less of Kennedy's public service knowing he was a complete and total hound dog? Would Gary Hart have made a good president?

These questions confound me because I believe that Eliot Spitzer was doing some good things. Admittedly some bad things as well. Does his bad outweigh the good that he could have done? I'm just not sure. What do high profile trailblazers do after they piss on their own trail? Can we trust men who trip over their own d**ks to lead us? Is sexual impropriety as tragic a flaw as embezzling? Or is dishonesty and weakness in any form unacceptable for men in leadership positions?

I don't know... it sort of becomes a slippery slope when you start thinking: well, there are worst things they could have done. Hmm, would their wives agree? Sure, these men owe their wives apologies but do they owe us the same thing?

The other fascinating aspect? The varying levels of disdain for the Cheaty McCheatersons. Some of these guys are reviled, some are still revered. Most everyone agrees it's especially heinous to cheat on your dying wife. Sneaking out for quickies while your wife is getting her chemo treatment just speaks to a callousness that makes John Edwards the least sympathetic of the group. I believe azzhole behavior was expected of Arnie but to impregnate the wife and the side chick (who works in your home) at the same time adds an 'eww ick' element that is hard to get around. 

Spitzer came across as such a Dudley Do Right that his fall from grace was shocking on a visceral level. Mark Sanford was just so whacktastic with his cheating. I mean his affair was a bad Lifetime Movie of the Week written by meth addicts. My goodness with the Latina lover, the long cheesy emails, the Appalachian trail? Dude, stop.

Clinton, well, his Oval Office slap-n-tickle was tragic because he lied about it (convincingly). One wonders what would have happened if he just said yeah, I did it, so what? What if Andrew Weiner had come forward and said that in a tequila-induced fugue state he twit-pic'd his privates to a random broad? Might he still be in office. 

The downfall of these guys is no longer shocking. In fact, it's almost expected. One of the best shows on TV right now, The Good Wife, is centered around these very scenarios. These events are so commonplace, I wonder if we'll get to the point where we don't even care anymore. And what will that say about us?

I guess my question is - Should cheating on your wife automatically disqualify you for running for (or staying in) public office? [squinting hard at Newt] Or is it the lying that really does it? What makes one situation worse than the others? Do these public figures owe the public an apology? Should they step down? And what in the world do they do next? I'm curious to know your thoughts. The floor is yours...

Sarah Palin needs to go away... Third of three topics to kill dead.

I'm not one to hate people. Particularly people I don't know. But I feel such a strong dislike for all things Palin that it's a near thing. Like I seriously need to pray on it. She makes me crazy. I don't know the woman. And I have to admit that I don't want to. What I do know is that she refuses to go away. Like bad mold she creeps back into view and spreads herself around sometimes making people sick in the process. Is that harsh? Oh well.

It's to the point where I change the channel if she comes on or even if they start talking about her. I've put filters on my Twitter so I don't even see tweets with her name in them. I've decided that avoidance is the only way to go with her. 

So what's the problem, Chele? What's so bad about her?

I dislike insincere people. I dislike people who stepped (riverdanced) all over unsuspecting taxpayers to better their own circumstances. I dislike people who talk out one side of their hindparts with nothing (like pesky facts and truth) to back them up. I dislike bandwagoning. I dislike people who use the phrase "real Americans" like there is any such damn thing. I dislike women who pretend they aren't using their sexuality as a come-up. I dislike mothers who pimp their children for profit. And I dislike people who talk badly about my President when they can't hold a candle to him.

I don't think she's clever, I think she's a manipulator with a microphone and a stylist. I don't think she's an innovator, I think she's a talking head with a half-assed platform. I don't think she's what this country needs, I think she's what's wrong with this country on so many levels. Sound bites and photo ops but at the end of the day, what did you do but earn money for yourself and your pet causes? She's the Kim Kardashian of politics. #shadethrown #shotsfired

So here endeth my Palin rants. No more Palin in BougieLand. If (God forbid) she becomes President, I will live tweet my return to my ancestral homeland of Guyana where I will inform my cousins that my father financed most of their educations and I'm going to need a room. Immediately. With a satellite and wi-fi. At least for four years. Feel free to come visit. We'll call it BougieLand Caribe.

Thoughts on La Palin? Be forewarned, I have a short fuse about her. I will yank your comment if it crosses a line. The floor is yours... 

The first BnB "You need yo' azz kicked" awards...

Well, I tried to stay all introspective and intellectual this week but as you can tell from the title of today's post... we off that. Apologies but sometimes people simply require a boot to be forcibly placed against their hindparts repeatedly.

Here's this week's honorees in no particular order:

1. John Edwards - This is a man once considered a forerunner for the Oval Office. Now? A bit of a douchebag. With his wife barely cold in her grave, he has reportedly asked his mistress to marry him. Who is surprised that before she passed away, Liz made sure to cut old boy straight up out the will? In case any of you are unaware of the rules of etiquette/protocol on this - after a divorce, you're to wait six months before announcing your engagement. After a death (especially when kids are involved), a year. Way to keep it classy, John. Someone go cut me a switch.

2. Tucker Carlson - Typical Faux News talking empty head declared that Mike Vick should executed for killings dogs. He has since "taken it back" but uh, seriously dude?

Regardless of whether you think Mike Vick is the devil or a redemptive figure, the man has done his time, paid his debt to society and deserves to be treated as such. At some point, how many more times does a man have to apologize, hang his head and say he was wrong? Enough already. [So tempted to go on a rant about how human lives were lost because Bush felt like kicking up dust in the Middle East. Anyone found those WMD's yet?! Does no one remember Katrina? I mean if ever there was a need for execution-style justice. Never mind. Moving on.] Actually, I don't care to lift my foot high enough to kick his ass, I'll just trip him as he walks by.

3. John Boehner - What the hell is this spray-tan-addicted idiot crying about? There are NO TEARS IN CONGRESS, fool!

He took over the reins of the House and I immediately felt a twinge of pre-apocalyptic doom. After boo-hooing all over the place, he promptly promised to repeal healthcare and declared this "the People's Congress." Ass. Someone pass me my steel-toe boots.

4. Jan Brewer - Arizona's Governor stays winning. [yes, that's sarcasm] Due to the state budgets she has imposed, two people that were denied transplants (no longer covered) have died. So it's not enough that old girl is stopping and frisking brown skinned folks at random, now she's killing people. When asked about the deaths Brewer said, "It's probably something that should be discussed." Ya think? Someone go get me an old school three inch wide leather belt.

5. Dr. Conrad Murray - I don't know exactly what went down in Michael Jackson's house on June 25, 2009 but something obviously went terribly, terribly wrong. Information keeps trickling out from the preliminary hearings this week. I'm not a doctor but I have them in my family and close circle of friends. Every medical professional I've talked to agrees that restricted medication was administered in dangerous dosages and circumstances without the proper safeguards in place and something real funky happened between the time that MJ stopped breathing and when paramedics were finally admitted to the home. I'm not saying it's Dr. Murray's fault that King Michael done gone on to glory, I'm saying he needs his ass kicked.

I had to hold myself back to five. Do you have someone to add to the list? Any comments, thoughts, insights on my list? The floor is yours.

Pimps Up, Hoes Up: Sexing Your Way to Your 15 Minutes of Fame

Ya'll know how I love smart people. Today, please join me in welcoming one such lady as our guest blogger. Carolyn Edgar is an attorney and writer living in New York City. She is a contributor to the NYC Moms Blog and has also contributed to My Brown Baby. Carolyn's personal essays have been published in Reconstruction Magazine and Mirror on America: Short Essays and Images from Popular Culture (Bedford/St. Martin's). She is a graduate of the University of Michigan and Harvard Law School. We've been enjoying some Twitter thoughts and she had a little something to share. Enjoy and show her some love: (By the way, I embedded the videos neither of which are appropriate for viewing ever. Get your Pepto ready)

I too hate what OneChele referred to in her post yesterday as "the new trend of Mistresses and Groupies on Parade." Somewhere in the universe, the woodwork must have squeaked, because every other day there's a new freak with a new story to tell sell.

The groupie/ho business is getting serious. Lawyer-to-the-stars Gloria Allred has practically turned it into its own branch of the entertainment industry. Allred is the CEO, COO and General Counsel of Skankville Inc., pimping these girls and their stories for all it's worth.

The how-to-be-a-ho formula has worked for generations. Take one famous male athlete/actor/singer/politician (or husband of a woman who is one or all of the above); add one or more groupies, preferably of the blonde, big-breasted variety; subtract one despondent wife; leak enough salacious details to the media to whet the public's appetite, and voila! Let the famewhoring begin!

For the formula to work, the salacious details must sound like copyedited versions of Penthouse Forum. Thus, we've read about John Edwards' sex tape in which he performs oral sex on pregnant Rielle Hunter. We read Kwame Kilpatrick's texts to his love-starved chief of staff Christine Beatty and Tiger's embarrassing texts to one of his groupie chicks.

When the groupies leak their stories, they never contain unflattering facts like: his penis is the size of a well-endowed two-year-olds; he was too drunk to get it up; he aspires to be a one-minute man – all the stuff you know is probably true. The truth would destroy the economic value of the tell-all, and that economic value makes them newsworthy. No one wants to hear that famous people sex is as boring as the sex they're having at home. Accordingly, the stories enhance the famous men's aura of masculinity and virility. Paradoxically, by having an affair with one or more hot women, the cheating husbands appear even more desirable and attractive.

Kat Stacks, another wanna-be player in the ho game, failed to grasp the importance of telling a good story. The stories on her now-blocked blog weren't titillating, they were sad and desperate. They made you want to get her into counseling and send her to a GED course. Allred's services are well out of Kat Stacks' reach.

But that's the problem with the ho game. The men, not the women, are the ultimate winners. Sure, one of Tiger's babes got a settlement, but what about the others? Notably, black mistresses often fare worse than their white counterparts. Karrine Steffans got a couple of book deals out of giving great head, but not all of the mistresses have been so lucky. Just compare Eliot Spitzer's main call girl Ashley Dupre, and Kilpatrick's mistress Christine Beatty. While Dupre has an advice column in the New York Post and an upcoming spread in the May 2010 Playboy; Beatty just moved to Atlanta after being unable to find employment in the Detroit area following the mayoral scandal.

There are many reasons why being a mistress or groupie is not a sustainable business model. Karma truly is a bitch. Specifically, karma's the next bitch. There's always another one: younger, blonder, with bigger boob and butt implants. Mistresses and groupies have a short shelf life, and success breeds copycats. Once it's known that the guy in question can be had, women will fall all over themselves to get next. And very few of these guys generate the type of income that breeds big settlements, the type of settlements that can assuage hurt feelings when he moves on to the next chick.

It's not that the men escape entirely scot-free. But who do we refer to as a ho? The men are said to have "made mistakes" and "should apologize to their wives," but they get shiny new stud images to boot. After the cheating husbands perform some public act of contrition, the public forgives, and their careers go on.

Meanwhile, no matter how much Kiely Williams tries to p-pop herself out of being a forgettable Disney starlet, the only reaction her "Spectacular" video stirred up was general revulsion. It's rumored her next song is called "Open My Legs, Tell Me What Ya Think." If she named it "Open My Legs and Get That Speculum" and featured her next Pap smear in the video, and I don't think the public would give a damn. She may try to go the basketball wives' route next, but I'm not even sure she could pull a bench rider making league minimum at this point.

I worry about how my teenage daughter will be influenced by the notion that growing up means throwing all caution and your legs open to the wind. So far, her only reaction has been "Ewww!" I hope when she's older and her understanding of sex goes beyond sex ed and it-can-get-you-pregnant-and-make-you-sick, she remains disgusted by all the women who use sex, not their brains, for the come-up.

What say you BougieLand is skank-and-tell the new hustle? What can be done to make it all stop? What are your thoughts on Rielle Hunter getting on Oprah? A show like Basketball Wives (where only two of the 20 are actual wives) was watched by 1.6 million people – the Hell? Ya'll know what to do: thoughts, comments, opinions? The floor is yours.

Five men it’s hard to stay in love with… or even like very much

Last Friday we talked about Five Women It's Hard to be Friends With so it's only fair that the fellas get an equal opportunity. Never let it be said I don't dole out the tolerant side-eye equally. As much as I love the fellas (and I do love the fellas), some of ya'll just make it difficult to be in any sort of relationship with you. I mean like painful. These gentlemen find themselves posted up on DontDateHimGirl.com, they are regular victims on Snapped, and habitually referred to as "trifling."

Bless their hearts, here are five such menfolk in need of intervention, prayer and medication:

  • Militant X:
    • Characteristics: volatile, mad for no apparent reason, sees a conspiracy everywhere, loses temper easily, complains loudly in public places, walking around with fist balled up
    • Where they thrive: In public and in crowds, where they can vent their anger for every slight (real or perceived) with as large an audience as possible.
    • What they do: They start the fight at the club, they make problems where none existed. Road rage warriors. They pick an argument if things are going too smoothly, do not know how to just be at peace. Always have something negative to say and if you dare to exhibit an outward sign of joy they bark, "What you so happy about?"
    • Theme Song: Set It Off by Organized Noise/Queen Latifah
    • What they need: Besides a chin-check and some Prozac? Anger Management classes, quickly.

  • Overly-Metrosexual Mirror Man
    • Characteristics: shallow, vain, selfish, better coiffed and groomed than the flock of females around him, sometimes a mama's boy.
    • Where they thrive: Anywhere with a lot of reflective surfaces and adoring fans, the mall, a "man spa", his mama's house.
    • What they do: Adore themselves and expect everyone else to do the same. It's never about you, it's always about them. They spend more time in the bathroom and mirror than you do, the battle for closet space is epic. They will look at your outfit for the evening and say, "Oh, is that what you're wearing?"
    • Theme Song: You're So Vain by Carly Simon (I bet you think this post is about you, don't you, don't you?)
    • What they need: Besides a punch in the nose? A reality check, generally delivered by running into the female equivalent of themselves.

  • Baby Mama Drama Dude
    • Characteristics: Forever in the middle of some baby mama drama, generally has more than one ( a la Li'l Wayne) but the Baby Mama is always off the chain crazy!
    • Where they thrive: Nowhere. They are usually broke, harassed, frazzled and angry, completely oblivious to the fact that some latex or a "no thank you" would have prevented this situation
    • What they do: Talk about it all the time, draw you into the middle of the drama. Lean on you, expect you to help them through it. You try as you might but sometimes, it's just too much.
    • Theme Song: A Song for Mama by Boyz II Men
    • What they need: Besides a lifetime supply of Trojans and an unlisted phone number? A good lawyer, sometimes a restraining order

  • Cheaty McCheaterson
    • Characteristics: (see Tiger, JFK, Michael Jordan, Gov Sanford, more names than I can list) Lies with ease, head on a swivel always checking out the next chick, overly protective of their emails, voicemails, blackberry stays coded on LOCK, goes missing for inexplained intervals of time, always has an alibi even when you don't ask for one
    • Where they thrive: Everywhere! The world is their playground
    • What they do: Sleep with everyone they feel like, whenever they feel like it regardless of their current "commitment" level.
    • Theme Song: I Get Around by Tupac/Digital Underground
    • What they need: A beatdown by the male relatives of all the women they've ever cheated on. One after the other.

  • Mixed Message Man
    • Characteristics: Flip-flopper. Hot on Monday, cold by Wednesday. Seems like he's one person in the morning, someone else by noon. He is moody and difficult to read. Often says bullshiggity like, "I'm so confused by my feelings for you." So are we, dude… so are we.
    • Where they thrive: No one place for long.
    • What they do: Change their minds about everything, including you… often. Last month they loved that sushi spot, now it's Italian. Today they love your independent streak, tomorrow they'll say they need to be needed, when you do that they'll call you too clingy. You cannot win with this guy - just quit trying.
    • Theme Song: Everything Must Change by Oleta Adams
    • What they need: Besides a swift kick in the pants in the direction of your front door? Therapy and prayer.

I had to cut the list off at five to be fair and equitable. So tell me BougieLand, have you met these guys? Do you know these guys? Can you think of some of the characters I left off the list?