Somewhere between young and old

Can you teach an old dog new tricks?

I'm a year further away from 30 40 today. On the one hand, glad I made it. On the other hand, since when am I not 32 anymore? Le Sigh.

Moving on. There's an old cliche about not teaching old dogs new tricks. And I'm pleased to say (if I would call myself an old dog) that's absolutely untrue. More accurate would be to say you can't teach a young dog new tricks because they think they know them already. Twenties are for trying everything and messing things up. Thirties are for fixing what you messed up in your twenties. Forties are about figuring it all out so you can make it to your fifties. 

At this point, if you're not where you're supposed to be yet, you really should have an idea of how it's going to happen or get on a new path. Forties are where you also accept that some things aren't going to happen. There will not be babies coming up outta here. Doesn't hurt to admit though I'd've been a damn good mom. I'll settle for being the best aunt on the planet. Chances are I'm not going to be a rock star, a space shuttle pilot, or a world reknown surfer either. Some dreams you just have to let die a certain death.

But what I am still working on is having a Michele Grant book on every shelf (or tablet), I'll never get beyond the need to write interesting things and have people be entertained by them. Marriage - Lawd, I don't know. I'm in a happy place and if I could hold onto that, I'd be all good.

There's also a freedom of reaching a certain age and no longer giving ANY damns about what folks think about you, want you to do or expect you to be. We off that. When I reach BougieMom's age of 80 (God Willing), I'm going to get like Miss Nellie. She no longer bites her tongue for anybody. If she's thinking it, she says it. This makes for highly entertaining and high embarassing conversation.

But back to the old dogs and new tricks - In reconnecting with an ex over the past few months (not that ex, a different ex) I'm borderline shocked that at long last he appears to have matured into the individual I thought he was fifteen years ago. You know how you listen to someone and you keep waiting for them to say that one thing that makes you say "this man hasn't learned a damn thing" - haven't heard it yet. It could happen but so far, so good.

As for me, I'm don't mind learning new things and exploring different paths. I call myself a sensible adventurer. 

Let me pause - I watched Grey's Anatomy last night and learned about "vijazzling" women getting their vijayjays bedazzled for special occassions. No. I'm not ready. That's one trick I'll leave to other puppies. Fancy undies from Vicki's is as far as I can go.

And we're back... There's definitely something to be said for being comfortable in your own skin. Knowing that sometimes you don't have to be at the hottest party wearing the cutest dress in the highest heels. Sometimes you want to curl up in front your TV and watch a marathon of The Wire in your ratty sweats. And that's okay.

That being said, I'm off to DC for the Inauguration because you know... even though I'm older, I still gets my party on. Me and BougieFam will be at the Ritz Carlton for about four days filled with balls, brunches  lunches, dinners, drinks and whatever else we can squeeze in the celebration. if you're in the DMV, hit me up - we'll see if we can raise a toast.

What about you? Are you settled in your ways? More or less resistant to change as you get older? Do you know someone who is determined to do things the same way, no matter what? Do share...

Now vs. Later

We recently went through a merger at the day job. As with most integrations, a lot (read way too much) time was spent nurturing cultural meshing and harmony. There have been a series of mandatory and voluntary conference calls and trainings with all hands on deck. A generous heapful of "we're all in this together and aren't we happy" has been served up time and again. Granted, this ain't my first rodeo and I've seen these pony rides before but I'm always amazed at what passes for motivational team-building.

I vividly recall my time at Kodak where they shipped twenty of us off to the wilderness to a "bonding camp" and expected us to climb trees, walk ten foot high tightropes and sing along to "Broken Wings" which was our "mediation song" for the weekend. Booo. After the unfortunate incident where one person didn't get caught in the backwards trust fall - that wrapped up the formal bonding. They handed out free booze and let us chill by the fireplace - that was a true bonding experience. 

Last week we had the last two "togetherness talks" which struck me in their complete divergence from each other. The first was calling "Learning to Live in the Now" which as you may imagine delved into Oprahesque ways to be the best you that you can be right now IN THE MOMENT. (Yes, all caps on the presentation) Two days later, they gave a presentation on "Life in the Long Term" which focused on what you can do today so your tomorrows are all pretty.

Besides irritating me with the overly simplistic advice, the two topics got me to thinking. Am I more of a "live for today" or a "plan for tomorrow" person? I think the answer is that I've evolved into both. Someone who wants to enjoy the here and now while laying out the stepping stones for tomorrow and the time after that. I think as you get older, you get a little more aware that your tomorrows aren't promised and are shrinking even as I type but you want to hedge your bets and make plans just in case you're blessed enough to still be around.

With my career it's different. The HR is a means to an end. That end being the day when I can write full-time again. And writing is something I plan to do until my fingers can no longer reach the keyboard and that speech-to-text app quits working. It's easy to stay focused on the next book, next deadline, next publicity tour while planning two or three books ahead.

In my personal life, well that's more complicated. Long term seems so... long term. Trying to guess what will happen on down the road, particularly with my relationship history is either foolhardy or brave. So I tend to be a bit more in the here and now. 

Quite the balancing act - staying in the moment with one eye on the future. Hopefully I do a better job with this than I did on that tightrope. I think I've mentioned before that I don't defy gravity well? Yeah um... picture me in bright yellow workout gear (I don't know what I was thinking) shrieking at the top of my lungs as I fell off the rope and the support harness swung me around to drop in the net. Never. Again.

BougieLand - are you more or a "live for the moment" or a "my day will come" person? And how's that working for you? Can you live life to the fullest if you're always plotting the next step? Can you get to the next step if you are completely immersed in the moment? (Has anyone else been on one these work wildnerness things - why do they do this?) Please share...

Me or the Me You think I am?

Bougie Confession Time - having worked in HR for so long, I have a tendency to make snap judgments about people. I label them and put them in whatever category I see fit. Many, many times I've had to pull them off shelf A and moved them to shelf J with an asterisk and a post-it note. One person I thought was funny, engaging and a friend turned out to be sneaky, wily and a foe. One person I thought was shallow and bland turned out to be shy and funny as hell once you got to know them. So I never 100% let on what I think about someone until I've known them for a while. And even then... I tend to keep my thoughts to myself.

Sometimes it takes a little time to see the real person rather than the person they are trying so hard to show you. That's why shows on @DiscoveryID like "Who the Bleep Did I Marry?" and "The Nightmare Next Door" are so frightening - you think you know somebody...

So imagine my surprise when I caught up with a friend of mine from our college days. If asked, I would have said that I thought she knew me fairly well. Catching up with her on the phone this week, I realize she did not know me at all. Granted, I've changed a bit since college but I think at my core, fundamentally - I'm still me.

She mentioned something about me being more studious than fun-loving and a stickler for the rules. She thought of me as old-fashioned and not the most spontaneous person in the world. Hmm. Like most people, I'm old-fashioned in some aspects and forward-thinking in others. I can only assume that by old-fashioned she was referring to the fact that I didn't have a 'Now Serving' sign by the bed?

I like to laugh, I'll make situations that are uncomfortable easier by infusing humor. I spent a good bit of my college years tee-heeing when I should have been doing other things. I had no idea what kind of rules she was positive I stuck to... unless by rules she meant city, state and federal laws? I thought about asking her where those perceptions came from. I thought about telling her things about me to change her mind. And then I decided it just wasn't that important in the overall scheme of things.

Anyway, the whole conversation sent me to a reflective place. And I wondered how many people know the "Real Me" as opposed to the me that they think I am. If I had to make up a survey about myself, what would  I even ask? How hard is it to deduce that I love all things purple, I have affection for chocolate, shoes, fruity wine and tropical beaches? But what about a few layers deeper? Who could answer questions about that Michele?

And then I wondered if this is something I really need to know. Suppose people that I think know me don't and people that I'm sure don't know me at all hit it right on the head? Therein lies drama. Anyone who has ever taken a "How well do we know each other?" Cosmo quiz with their s/o knows that path is fraught with danger. 

I think I'll just assume that the people that I want to know me... know me well enough and if not they will surely figure it out in due time. The rest I'll leave alone.

BougieLand, how well do you think your friends and loved ones really know you? How important is it to you? And what , if anything, would you do to change their perception? How well do you think you know those closest to you? Thoughts, comments, insights?

Thanks for the Soundtrack, Whitney

When a celebrity passes away, you hate to make it about you. It's their family, their legacy, their life. But then again, all you really have left is their work and how it affected you. So I found myself both reflective and saddened at the sudden passing of Whitney Houston Saturday.

Because along with the sorrow for a life lost too young, a light extinguished too soon, I also felt inconsolably nostalgic. Major artists from the soundtrack of my "younger years" are gone. But instead of waxing poetic and morbid about the loss, I thought I'd share some of my life moments that were literally soundtracked by a few artists no longer with us.

1980something - On the highway between Dallas and Atlanta. Heading to my older brother's graduation from Emory. BougieDad insisted on heading out on road trips at the crack of dawn so we'd been in the car since two freakin' a.m. It was midday and we were over the wonder of the car trip. If we could have whined "Are we there yet?" without punishment, we would have. We were pretty much on punishment for everything having worked our parents' nerves to the nub. We had long since given up on finding music we could all agree on until the last bathroom stop before Atlanta. As the first one back to the car, I dug into my bag and pulled out the "Off The Wall" cassette (yes, cassette) and popped it in. When we got back on the road, "Rock with You" soared from the speakers. One by one, we each started singing along. Peace was restored. Thanks Michael!

1992 - Austin, Texas. It was $.25 drink night for the ladies at Club X. (I know, I know) For some diggity damn reason, your girl decided that tequila shots on nothing but a Jack in the Box taco and two tortilla chips was a good idea. I was rocking a forest green suede mini-skirt with a matching silk blouse and sky high pumps that were purple and green snakeskin. I was so fly. (Yes I said fly) Any damn way, "Now That We Found Love" by Heavy D came on and some dude that I only knew by the name of Mac asked me to dance. Keep in mind, I've always been a serial two-step shuffle-shuffle hip shake shimmy-shimmy snap it up with a head bop kind of dancer. But oh no, not this evening. This evening I decided to get my New Jack on. I was hopping and skipping and high kicking like I was auditioning to be a House Party extra. Boobs defying gravity, hair frizzing up a la Chaka and ruining my "no water needed" outfit. And of course I fell out. Le Splat in the middle of the dance floor. Combination of pumps too high, moves too complicated, and girl too drunk. Just so happened the guy I had just broken up with was there and he carted my brokedown behinds out of there. Every time I hear that song, I get tempted to try that routine again. Then I hold myself back and bop my head. Thanks Heavy.

2000 - Alameda, CA. Me and the on-again off-again beau were off. Bitterly off. He was coming by so I could speak my peace (again). Being a bit dramatical, I decide to set a mood. Lights were off, candles were lit and I was dressed in all black. I put Whitney's "I Learned From The Best" on repeat and moved one of the speakers upstairs so that no corner of the house would miss a single word of her message. By the time dude got there, I was in rare form. I went on a quite, well-worded rant that lasted ten straight minutes without a pause for breath.  Then he went in. We fell silent as the song played over and over. Finally, he shot me a look and said, "If you don't want me here, I'm gone." I slammed the door behind him and sang that song about five times in a row at the top of my lungs. When I was done, I was done. Thanks Whitney.

I keep imaging a jam session with Whitney, Michael, Marvin and Tupac. Donny and Ray on the piano and Sam Cooke doing the arrangement? Billie and Nat tapping a foot from a seat on the side? That's platinum.

Gotta favorite #WhitneySoundtrackMoment? Favorite Whitney song? Do share...

Think you're "grown"? 5 ways to prove it

Grown \ˈgrōn\- adj. Having achieved full growth. Possessing maturity. Produced or cultivated in a certain way.

We've talked a lot this week about being grown - as in putting away childish things and  being responsible for one's own actions and decisions. We've heard a lot of people claiming to be grown. And I think we can all agree it's not so much an age as a state of being. You don't get magically "grown" on your whateverth birthday. It's an evolution, a destination, a place to which (unfortunately) not everyone arrives. We all know one or two people "of a certain age" who act like they are one step out of kindergarten. That Peter Pan Syndrome is nothing to play with.

So you say you're grown... here are five ways to prove it:

1. Act like it - Children whine, point fingers, pout when they don't get their own way, find it hard to articulate their feelings, throw tantrums, cry with little provocation, require guidance, a steady stream of feedback, supervision and positive reinforcement. If more than two of these sound like your modus operandi - you needs to grow up.

2. Look like it - There comes an age whereupon  it's not cute to dress like an extra for a 90s New Jack video - male or female.  Sloppy, slouchy, slovenly - not three "S" words you want regularly attached to you. Sexy, suave/sophisticated or stylish sound a little closer to the mark. Certain occasions call for certain clothes. It's always better to be overdressed than underdressed. Proceed accordingly. Your hair is an outward reflection of you - is that really what you're trying to convey? Ladies - lipstick should match your skin tone first, your outfit second. Eye shadow should be a whisper, not a shout. Eyeliner should be more nuance and less Nefertiti. If you're unclear, hie thee to a professional and catch a clue.

3. Speak like it - Grown ups should know their audience during conversational forays. There's a time and a place to share "urban colloquialisms" - if you are in doubt, fall back on the Queen's English. If you don't know what that is, you probably stumbled onto the wrong blog. Google and come back. We'll wait. Nothing says "infantile" like a person who can not articulate two or three intelligent thoughts together in a sentence. I'm pleading, have something to say about yourself. One or two sentences for all occasions. Trust me on this.

4. Live like it - Hmm. How to put this? You can only get away with a 10-year old lumpy mattress on the floor and a TV on a three legged plant stand for so long. At some point, get next to a Walmart or an Ikea to get some "I'm tryna be grown" furniture until you afford some Thomasville or Ethan Allen. Fellas, I cannot impress upon you the importance of decent linens and bath towels. Nothing says "My right hand is my Valentine" like tore up faded superhero sheets and towels of indistinguishable color. Target is your friend. The end cap near aisle 21 is there for you. You don't have to ascend to 500-thread count (right away) but if you are past 23, you need to be at 250 thread count - bare minimum. I mean it. Everybody - your refrigerator needs to hold more than last week's takeout pizza and a pitcher of Kool-aid. There is a rotisserie chicken, a bag of salad and a 90-second microwaveable package of Uncle Ben's rice waiting for you at your closest grocers. Make that happen.

5. Think like it - Looking back is only good if you reflect, dissect and move forward with some lessons learned. Having no discernible plan for the future is careless. To think like an adult you must actually have some sense of direction and a plan to head there. You must embrace a value system and live by it. Principles become less waffly and ideals are turned into actions. In short, you have a brain... use it. That's what grown ups do.

As Clay said yesterday - here endeth the lesson. BougieLand - thoughts, insights, opinons? Anything to add?

Age ain't nuthin' but a number: How low will you go?

I'm over 40 so as much as I might eye up Cam Newton like he's freshly grilled lobster dipped in drawn butter laying on top of roasted garlic smashed potatoes next to a chili-rubbed filet mignon... that ship has sailed. (I also might be hungry but that's a different topic)

I gotta just say no to young men that I could have given birth to. That's my line in the sand. [Though um, Cam - you know - if you  are reading this, we can be friends. Special, special friends. Once or twice.]

As it is, Le Dude is over five years younger than me and every once and a while we bump into an issue where I have to remind him, "You needed to catch me in my late twenties, early thirties for that to work." He just rolls his eyes for the most part though I did catch him muttering, "Some days I feel older than you." under his breath. Side-eye to you, sir.

I don't really get the cradle-robbing feel with David. The age difference is less than a decade. He's his own man, mature in his own right, chockful of his own ideals and opinions and not in need of a second mother. 

But I ran into a guy from high school the other day. He graduated a year or so before me (read he's older) but appears to have kept himself looking right. When I saw him, he had a young girl on his arm that I assumed was his daughter. I thought this because she was rocking some clothes that shouted "this is my first new outfit that wasn't purchased in the juniors department" and she called him Daddy. So picture me schooling my face into blankness when he pulled her forward and introduced her as DeeDee, his bride to be. DeeDee might be able to drink legally in the state of Texas. May. Be. Either way, he's got a good 20+ years on her.

I was uber-conflicted. On the one hand, do you bruh. On the other hand - this was easier before I had nieces and nephews. The eldest BougieNephew is eighteen now and if he rolled up in here with a woman my age, I might be cutting some eyes. Then again, who am I to tell Stella how to get her groove back? (Though that didn't work out so well, did it?) Moving on...

On the flip, when I was still unattached and looking to get my mingle on, I kept getting approached by Cat Daddy and dem. (or is it Cap Daddy? Whichever, you know what I mean). This cat:

Or this cat:
I'm not ready. So ten years up or down is my cut off. Or maybe it's not as much the number as a state of mind? A way of being?  I just read a book where the hero is 50 and fights like hell not to fall in love with this 29 year old woman but they had this really cool vibe and they understood each other. And the whole book, I'm wondering - that's not so bad is it? I mean they're both adults. Different generations but if they like it...

My point and my question to you is this - how young is too young? Not just for you but for everybody. I'm not talking statutory here, people. Let's not break any laws. I'm just wondering if there's a number at which the union seems... unbalanced? Too much May to too much December? Or is it hard enough to find love without attaching an age limit of an expiration date to it? Do tell...

A letter to my 20-somethings out there...

Hey young uns!

How you doing? How's life treating you? Never mind that last question. It doesn't matter how life is treating you, blink twice and it will be a whole different world. Listen. No seriously. Unplug your seventeen tech toys, take two deep breaths and actually listen. There are things I wish that someone had sat my young behind down and told me when I was in my twenties. Even more importantly, there are things that people told me that I wish I had listened to. I did not. I was positive I knew everything or that the person telling me was too far removed to really know what they were talking about.

You, my double-decade friends, have an opportunity here. Read it and take in what works for you.

1. You are not entitled to anything or anyone. Nor are you promised anything or anyone. Whatever it is you are positive you deserve, figure out how to live without it. You may get it, you may not. If you do, great - appreciate it and keep it pushing. If you don't... these things sometimes happen.
I say this because in my early twenties, my plan was to run the world by 35. I was going to have 2 kids, the perfect husband, run a multi-billion dollar law firm and look fabulous doing it. Thirty-five is way back in the rear view mirror and all I can say is - I'm fabulous. But you could not have told me at 25 that I didn't deserve the best house with the best man and best bank account ever! As a matter of fact, I spent a few too many years in my twenties cutting brothers that didn't appear to embrace my vision of super-wonderfulness. 
2. Know what to do when detours happen. I'll go with Rascal Flatts on this one - Life is a Highway. But what they don't tell you is that the highway goes up mountains, down valleys, through deserts and jungles. Sometimes the damn highway is an unpaved one lane dirt road. Sometimes it's a tollway and unless you pay - you're stuck.
I say this because I prefer life on the plateaus and I attempted to walk a straight path from A to Z Which may be why I kept getting stuck on E, F, and G. Over and over again. I had no back-up, fallback alternate life plan. And once the first one went kaboom, I spent way too many years playing catch up.  
3. People you love are going to leave you and it's going to hurt like hell. I could spout a million clichés here and tell you that you can bounce back from anything but the brutal honesty is that every loss whether from death, betrayal, growing apart or other life happenstances takes a little something from you. You have to decide what to put in its place.
When I lost the first guy I knew I was going to marry, I was one lost and bitter chick.These sorts of things happened to other people, not me in all of my wonderfulness. There's nothing to prep you for that and everybody has to recover differently. What doesn't work? Pretending everything's okay when it's really truly not. 
4. Your job is just your job is just your job. Rinse and repeat. Everyone tells you that the foundation you build for your career in your twenties will be the stepping stones for your entire career path. Well... sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. 
I had an ulcer at age 26 because I was determined to be the hardworking, best prepared vision of corporate perfection to ever hit a cubicle. For my 80-hour weeks, I got a layoff package and a lifetime of Zantac for my troubles. 
5. Don't be afraid to take risks in your twenties. (Okay this applies to most of your life) I'm not talking about skiing Mt. Kilimanjaro barefoot or whatever the latest extreme thing that could kill most of us is. I'm saying that 25 is a little early to get in a rut. If you find yourself doing the same things, the same way, with the same people week after week? It  may be time to change it up.
I had just turned 30 and was sitting in my townhome when I realized that I was having the exact same conversation with the same people from five years ago and five years before that. I had to get out. I pack three suitcases and headed to the Bay Area for six months. I spent close to ten years. Sometimes you have to hit the reset button.
Well, that's it for now. Take it for what it's worth. My life... your lessons. Bougie folks - have anything to add? Thoughts... comments... insights?

First thing on your mind...

Quick, without thinking too hard about it - what's the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning?

Studies show that how you start your day drives how the rest of it goes. There are also studies that say if you take an extra ten minutes before you get out of bed to deliberately focus on something pleasant, that ten minutes stays with you all day long. I'll let you decide what that "something pleasant" might be...

BougieLand, I'm not a morning person. I wake up thinking about if there is any way I can go to back to sleep. Who wakes up walking on sunshine? Who's a night owl? Who has come up with the perfect way to kick start the day? (Keep it NC-17 please) Do share...

Hitting the wall

You can tell when it's coming. You feel yourself getting stressed over the little things. Your phone rings and you grit your teeth in dismay. You open up the eleventy-millionth email of the day knowing there are eleventy-million more waiting. Your patience is short, your energy is low and you find yourself dreaming longingly of winning the lotto, buying a private island and spending the rest of your days on a beach with a breeze.

Yes indeed, you are mere moments from Hitting the Wall. You suffer from DoingTooMuchItis but it has to be done, right?

Sometimes, we have to take a minute to remind ourselves that world won't stop spinning if every single thing on the to-do list doesn't actually get done. The s/o isn't walking away because you want 24-hours of me time. Life as we know if will not spin out of control if one or two things fall through the cracks.

This, I've come to understand, is an uniquely American concept. The combination pride/shame that we have so much to do and not enough time to do it in. People announce like a badge of honor just how little sleep they are getting, how many hours they are working and how they are surviving on Red Bull and triple shot expresso. That's not sexy. Like dropping dead at 44 isn't sexy (RIP Heavy) or having ulcers at 26 (hanging head in shame) isn't sexy. Living your life in a blur and realizing you don't know where the last two weeks two months two years went.

You know what is sexy? Waking up rested, feeling good every day and knowing when to say enough is enough. Recently, Jayme and I had the stupidest fight over which one of us needed to slow down, cut back and stop trying to be Superwoman. We literally were hurling accusations across the table at one and other. "You need to stop trying to be Dr. Phil and take on fewer patients!" "You need to stop trying to be Dr. Ruth, Maya Angelou and Oprah rolled into one!" Owen and David sat quietly exchanging manly "I ain't in it" looks.

When we finally realized how ridiculous we were being, we started laughing and invited ourselves to have several seats. We both needed a time out and a nap. So instead of hopping up at 1:00am to fire off a blog post, I just... didn't. Instead of returning those emails immediately, I waited an extra day. Instead of washing all four loads of clothes, I piled the second stack in the spare laundry basket and kicked the closet door shut. Ans exhaled.

The world didn't fly off it's axis, no one freaked out and life continued. For three nights in a row I slept for more than six hours. I actually got up and made breakfast before turning on the computer and firing up the cell phone. Let's see how long this lasts before I start backsliding.

Three things to do when you hit the wall. Bang your head against it, knock it down, or go take a nap and tackle it another day. Which one are you? What say you BougieLand? Are we just in a DoingTooMuchItis society? What do you do when it gets to be a little too much? Thoughts, comments, insights...

Confident or Arrogant? Or Something else?

As a writer, I like to create characters that I would either be best friends or mortal enemies with. Often, I've found that the difference between a character I love and one I love to hate is the degree to which they play up their strengths or weaknesses. Take, for instance; self-esteem. Healthy is good, inflated is irksome. Confidence can tip forward into arrogance, arrogance can slide into egomania. Or maybe it's something else altogether.  The following scenarios are from actual emails I have received. So take a look and decide.

1. Woman is dating two men- the men both know about each other. After a few months, the fellas decide enough is enough. They show up at her place at the same time and tell her she has to pick one or the other. One tells her, "You know what I have to offer. I hope you choose me," then he leaves. The other sits down, puts his feet up and pats the sofa beside him. "You know it's me, it was always gonna be me, and it's still me." How very N'Sync of him. But I ask you - is this arrogant or is this confident? Or something else?

2. Twenty-two year old college graduate goes into large corporation to interview for an entry-level position in the marketing department. Their resume consists of retail, restaurant and volunteer work. In the interview, the new grad admits that they have no practical hands-on experience but feels they are smart enough to pick up whatever is thrown their way. Even though the position pays $38,000 annually, the new grad says they won't take less than $45,000 because that is what they feel they are worth. Tell me - is this arrogant or confident? Or something else?

3. Thirty-five year old woman recently lost a lot of weight. She is back to her high school size and wants to flaunt it a little bit. She reaches into the back of her closet and pulls out her old high school outfits and starts wearing them. Several people (friends, family, coworkers) advise her that this is not a good look. She says, "The clothes are back in style, they aren't too revealing plus I look good in them." BougieLand, is this arrogance? Confidence? Or something else?

BougieLand, what say you about 1, 2, and 3? What's the difference (in your opinion) between confidence and arrogance? Which one are you? Do share.