One of the Ask A Bougie Chick letters I just received was from a 23 year old lady who recently ran into her ex. Dana and her former-beloved, Nick were together all through college. Upon graduation, Nick told Dana that he didn't want to be "held back" or "tied down" so he broke up with her. No long goodbye, no I'll-be-seeing-you, just out. The evening of graduation no less. She got back to the spot and all his stuff was just gone. He put a post-it note next to his key that said, "Be well." And the part that really ticked off Dana? He had changed his Facebook status before breaking up with her. (Let me take a moment to thank Jesus that I didn't have to date with social media in my 20s) Back to this... Very classy, Nick.
Fast forward 11 months to last week. Alumni happy hour. Who strolls up to Dana all smiles as if they agreed to remain friends? Yep. Nick sits down, tells her how great she looks and wants to catch up. Nick got caught up in a layoff at the bank where he was working while pursing his MBA and is not sure how he can afford to pay for the rest of his advanced degree. Dana is in the executive training program of a well known Silicon Valley tech company and the VP loves her. (Karma is that bitch, ain't she?) Anywho, Nick says he wonders if he was too hasty last year. He wonders if there's any of the old Nick-n-Dana sparks still smoldering that can whip back up into a fire. (Okay, I got dramatic. Ya'll know I write romance.)
Dana says she'll think about it. And walks away. Since then, he's going full court press. Sent flowers to her job, dropped off her favorite takeout to her door, left messages on the phone and sent her the digital equivalent of this generation's mixtape via iTunes.
Dana says she never got over Nick and her question to us is... have we been through this, do we have any insight and what should she do.
Hey Dana! Yes, we've been through this. The abrupt "deuces" followed by lack of closure and then later yonder they come back 'round with Le TapBack. There are so many posts about re-visiting the "ex-files" on here that you could pick anyone of them. They all basically say, "There's generally a reason why you broke up in the first place but... Do you." However, I actually have a few other thoughts:
1. What happened to him not wanting to be tied down or held back?
2. What's his hurry?
3. Why don't you date around? If Nick is the one, he'll be the one today, tomorrow or next month.
4. I know men don't always apologize for the shiggity they do but um... he got to do better than "Hey, what's been up, pretty lady?"
5. Lastly, double-check his motives. You're doing well. He is on some struggle. Is he looking for a girlfriend or a sponsor? I'm just asking.
Dana, the game is the game is the game. Decide whether you want to play and if so, is he the one you want to play with. Those are my abbreviated thoughts. BougieLand, whatcha got for Dana?