Today's letter comes from Dixon. Young brother out in Northern California going through a quarter-life struggle. Read and respond if you will...
Hi Mrs. Grant,I found your blog because my ex had your book, Sweet Little Lies, on vacation with us in August. We ended up getting stranded and with nothing else to read (no offense meant), I picked up the book and read it. Really liked it. Your blog was listed in the back and I've been reading and catching up on some of your BougieTales and Bachelorette Chronicles. Some made me laugh, some made me shake my head but I liked how you kept it real. I'm writing in to see what you and the rest of Bougieland has to say about my situation.
My girl (S) and I had been together for four years. We met after sophomore year, we both went to B-school for finance and we both graduated last May. I took a job in San Jose, she's in the City. Right after our summer vacation she sits me down and tells me that she wants to break up for a year so we can be sure we're really right for each other and it's not just like we're comfortable with other. She also said she wants me to "sleep around" and get some more experience in that area.
I admit that dented the heart, the ego, the plans I had for the future everything. I don't want to sleep around. That's why I picked a girl I thought was great for the long haul and settled in. Like I did everything right and still I'm losing. Is she saying I need more expereince, am I seriously supposed to wait for her to do whatever for a year? Don't I deserve some sort of explanation? Anybody been through this before? Thanks for listening.Dixon in Mountain View
Mrs. Grant? Uh Grant is a pen name and I have no Mr. but I love the formality... Glad your enjoyed Sweet Little Lies, it's truly the gift that keep on giving. Feel free to buy the entire catalog... Moving on...
I don't want to bruise your ego more than S already did but let me clue you in on some relationship code words:
- When an s/o tells you that they "want to take a break" that means they want to break up but either are a) too chicken to say it or b) too selfish to let you go completely.
- When an s/o says they want to see if you are really right for each other, that means they don't think you really are and last but certainly not least
- When an s/o says they want you to sleep around? That's deflection because they already are.
So I don't know what happened or why but S has moved onto the next but she sure has and you need to do so as well. You do deserve some sort of explanation, you may or may not get one. Don't put your life on pause waiting for it. As we've said in many posts before, you may not have done anything wrong or different. Things and people change. It's up to you if you want to check back in a year to see what's up with old girl. Chances are, she'll see the error of her ways before then and try to come back, it happens. Or in twelve months you can roll past her spot with your new boo, raise a glass of champagne up while Whitney sings "Learned from the best" blasting from your speakers. Whatever works for you. For now, keep it pushing.
BougieLand, agree or disagree? Any words of advice for Dixon? Been through it? Wrote a song about it? Do share...