Sometimes the Ask a Bougie Chick question wakes up my inner HR guru and I have to answer from both a bougie and an HR perspective. This letter did just that. Please read this letter from Nessa in Georgia.
Hey Chele,I'm hoping you don't judge me too harshly. I did a stupid thing. It wasn't smart. I should just say it. I'm 33 years old and a married woman. I've been married for six years. I work for a Fortune 500 telecom company. A month ago I went on a business trip to Arizona. While there, I had a week-long affair with a co-worker from another department and office. He is not married but engaged to be. I could lie and say we fought it but the attraction was instant and we both just went for it knowing it was just a week.
Like I started out with, it was stupid but it was also the best I ever had. Not to disparage my husband but I never knew it could be like that. Not just the sex but the instant camaraderie. I felt like I knew (I'll call him Gerald) for my whole life. But you probably don't care about all that.
When I got back, Gerald and I started texting and talking every day. It's serious between us. My husband read the texts on my cell one night. He was mad as hell and confronted me. I told the truth. The next day he called my boss and told her what had happened. She told me to take a few weeks off and come back with my "life straight" - can she do that? Long story short, I'm probably going to leave my husband but I don't want to lose my job. What would you do if you were me?
Thanks - Nessa P. in Smyrna.
Nessa. Girl. I don't want to judge but I have to ask - say what now? You were on a business trip and lost your mind. Then you came back and carried on to the extent that your husband found out, called you on it and told your boss?
The guy you cheated with also works for the company and has a fiance? This sounds eerily similar to something else I heard recently. To both situations, I say - there's a lot of hot mess here and hasn't anyone ever told you not to sh!t where you eat?
I don't know if your boss can suspend you (with or without pay?), it depends on your employment policy. Was Human Resources called in? Usually, you are given the time off as an opportunity to clear up the hot mess so that your personal woes don't slop over into your professional life any more. Trust me, this is just as uncomfortable for your supervisor.
First and foremost, you need to get your mind right. Marriage is serious, your continued employment is serious. You say what you and the fling boo have is serious. You're going to have to prioritize. You can NOT have it all. What's the fraternization policy at your office? If you and fling boo end up together will you work in the same location for the same executive? There could be conflict.
On a personal note - girl, what are you doing? You spent 5 days with Gerald and at least six years with your husband. Think about your next steps and choices before you do something (else) that you regret. As for what I would do? Besides not having the fling in the first place? Wow. Well, I'd take steps to safe guard my marriage and my job and let the rest of the stuff go. But that's just me.
BougieLand, whatcha got for Nessa?