Lessons learned - Don't confuse the cocoa with a convo

For those unfamiliar with Le Bougie vernacular, yes - cocoa is a euphemism for naked aerobic activity.

I was late to the cocoa game. Which is really a polite way of saying that if my father could have locked me up in an ivory tower with a chastity belt and four nuns, he would have. Even when I was at college, he had a tendency to hop a Southwest flight down to Austin and show up at the dorm/apartment unannounced just to remind me that he could. And if none of that worked, he had already stuffed my head chock full of Christian guilt trips and horror stories about what happened to "girls like that."

Suffice to say that by the time I got around to stirring Le Chocolat, I had built it up to be a wondrous declaration of love. A sharing of emotional synergy between two people, a veritable pinnacle expressing an ocean's worth of passion sealing a partnership of love forever. (Can you hear the swelling violin music playing in the background and waves crash against the shore?)

My "first" was older (and wiser in the ways of cocoa) than me and took full advantage of that. When there was an argument to be won or a point to be made or a conversation to evade, he boiled up the cocoa and served it steaming hot. My young, blank self thought that meant everything was okay. It took me forever to set boundaries, "Some discussions we need to have while clothed and upright." In short, I confused the cocoa for a conversation.

Others confuse the cocoa for affection. Some think it is a promise of sorts. Some see it as a beginning, others see it as an ending. Some use it as weapon, others as currency. Some use it for exercise, others as a way to merely pass the time. The problem arises when both parties involved don't see it the same way.

One person is passing the time, the other is trying to make a love connection... that's not going to end well. There's a great line from a few seasons ago on Grey's Anatomy where Meredith tells her sister Lexie, "Your problem is that your heart is in your vijayjay."

I have to admit that this is partly true for me as well. I have not gotten to the point where I can stir the cocoa without some form of emotional attachment. I'm just not hard-wired that way and the code my parents embedded at a young age doesn't help. I have no beef with men and women who can pour random cups of cocoa, stir it up, drink and leave (unless they're grimy with it). I think it would simplify things to no end. Have an itch, get it scratched, keep it moving. 

My lesson learned? Sometimes cocoa is just about cocoa. It's a good idea to ask (beforehand) just what it means. Even if it's as simple as "no strings, right?" prior to diving in. When you're in a relationship, sometimes it's still just about the cocoa. "Don't think this solves any damn thing." "Right we're both still mad, you naked yet?" That kind of clarity is appreciated. 

BougieLand, what say ye? How much confusion is caused when the meaning of the cocoa is not spelled out up front? I can't be the only one who has trouble separating "intimacy" from "intimate acts," am I? Fellas, how do you have this "cocoa clarifying" conversation? Or do you? Ladies? Your thoughts? Do share. The floor is yours.