Guy wants girl, girl finds out and flings herself at guy. Guy gets what he wants, loses interest moves on. Guy approaches girl, declares his fervent interest, girl takes advantage of all the fervent interest and puts guy in friend zone. Just two examples of stories we've all heard before. What went wrong?
Broken down to the most elemental basics, relationships begin with the chase. Sometimes a short chase, sometimes a long, drawn out exhausting chase where you wonder if the prize is even worth it at the end... but I digress. It's a rabbit hunt if you will. Someone's got to be the hunter, someone's got to be the rabbit.
Broken down to the most elemental basics, relationships begin with the chase. Sometimes a short chase, sometimes a long, drawn out exhausting chase where you wonder if the prize is even worth it at the end... but I digress. It's a rabbit hunt if you will. Someone's got to be the hunter, someone's got to be the rabbit.
In a traditional male-female meme... the woman is the rabbit. Let me repeat that for every damn body: The WOMAN is the RABBIT. Not the man. I don't care how many mainstream media outlets try to convince you that there is only one decent heterosexual black male left in the Western Hemisphere. That's no cause to fling your drawers at everything with an XY chromosome. Seriously girls, stop doing the modern equivalent of clubbing men over the head and dragging them back to your lair.
Ladies, your job is to fluff your tail and present yourself as something the hunter wants to take home and keep. Your job is not to grab the gun and chase the hunter down. It's your forest, run until you get caught. Unless you don't want to be caught, in which case just stay in your hole and make it as comfy as possible. Whatever (this metaphor is killing me).
Simply put - Ladies, quit chasing! It's not attractive, it reeks of desperation and it rarely works. I understand we're all liberated, hear-me-roar and all of that but in my very humble opinion, some traditions need to stay right in place. He is man, you are women... let him come to you. Or at the very least, be slick enough to let him think it was his idea to approach you.
And gents, you don't get off easy here. A friend of mine used to say that when you're hunting and the rabbit comes to you... there's something wrong with that rabbit. Do you really want the rabbit that jumps in the pot and says, "Cook me?" Don't you want to work for it a l'il bit?
You should at least meet half way. And I mean some of you fellas have got to step your chase game up. Smiling at me across a room tells me that you're polite, not that you're interested. The black man head bop as you walk past? Again, that's a greeting not an acknowledged interest. Not trying to be difficult or play hard to get, we ladies just need you fellas to make it plain without being sleazy. "How are you doing today?" Is lovely. "Shake something for me, shawty." Is not. But ya'll already know this. You catch a rabbit with a carrot (or a carat), think on the metaphor.
Agree? Disagree? Do share your thoughts on the chase - and why it gets harder to figure out who's wearing the cottontail and who's dangling the carrot?
Tomorrow on BnB: Get real already. Don't date what you can't deal with.
*RWNTD: Relationship What Not To Do