I know it's been forever and a day since I answered any of these and I apologize. I do. Life gets in way of well, life sometimes. But this one had me so nonplussed that I had to respond quick, fast and in a hurry. Here we go (buckle your seat belts):
Dear Ms. Chele,
I came across your blog when a buddy of mine submitted a letter about two years back and you gave him some solid advice as well as some tough love. You like to say that when people write in they already know the answer to the question and that's probably the case here but I still need some cosigning.
I'm Henry, 46 years old, living in the Inland Empire east of Los Angeles. I was married for 15 years been divorced for about nine months. Equal fault divorce, we didn't take care of the relationship and when things got bad we let them slide. I ignored her, she ignored me. Well it was time to walk away even with two kids, a boy (9) and a girl (7) between us. The divorce wasn't too bad. To get it done, we split custody and I caved on alimony and child support but kept the house. The house has been in my family for three generations left to me in my grandparents' will, wasn't giving it up no matter what. Plus we just finished remodeling it..
Four months ago, Andrea told me she was having trouble making rent at her townhouse in Pasadena. I gave her a little extra to get her caught up. Two weeks ago, she said she was being evicted and could she and the kids come stay with me. Everybody said I should tell her that I would take the kids while she got back on her feet but I didn't want to do that to the kids. I said okay everybody could come back for six months but after that, she would have to leave the kids with me if we wasn't back on her feet. She agreed.
Two weeks ago, they all pulled up and there were two guys with them. I thought they were movers. I gave her the keys and went to work. When I got home, one of the guys was still there. I asked what he was still doing there and he (Curtis) said he lives here now. She brought her new boyfriend to move in. He can't be 30 years old and has moved into my grandmother's house.
I didn't want to make a scene in front of the kids so I pulled her into the kitchen and told her that he had to go. She said they are engaged and he'll go when she goes in six months. Ms. Chele, I was so mad I had to walk away. Finally I said they had a month and then the two of them had to go. I talked to my attorney and he said I shouldn't have let her back in without getting a new arrangement from the court but that I needed to do that now. My sister said I need to watch out that I don't leave for work, come home and find all the doors changed. Andrea doesn't work and doesn't look like Curtis does either. He works out all the time. Isn't that crazy? The kids don't like him and neither do I.
What would you do if you were me?
Henry
Wooooosahhhh.... deep breath in. deep breath out.
Henry? Do you mind if I call you Hank because it's about to get personal. You have been hoodwinked, bamboozled and led astray.
*pausing for church organ riff and for Sister Somebody to cut a step in the aisle of Bougieland waving a lace church hankie*
You say your ex-wife gets alimony and child support but ran through your money even when you gave her extra and then she politely sashayed back with the kids and her boo-thang into the house your beloved grands left you? The hell you say?!
Okay.... Let's first admit to ourselves that you got got. The ex-wifey Andrea done played you like a fiddle. But it happens. Shake it off. Let's also concede that she's probably been seeing Curtis (or someone like him) for more than a minute. She was having trouble making rent because she's flossing and she has Curtis to pay for as well. Pasadena is not cheap and I doubt Curtis is either. Lastly, let's understand that the one thing she did NOT get in the divorce was the house and she wants it. She wants ev-ery-thing. Ev-ery-thing? Ev. Ery. Thang.
You, Hank - are too nice for your own damn good. What would I do? Lemme tell you - Have your attorney file some motions. I'm not a lawyer, I don't know what kind but surely there are some that can work for you in this instance. NEXT - Find a reason to get Andrea and Curtis up out your house for a weekend (like THIS one coming up) and call some movers to pack up and drop off all dey shiggity over to the Extended Stay Spot where you can pre-pay a single room for them for a week. Not a month, not several weeks, one damn week. Hank. It's time to put a little gangsta in these here negotiations.
It does not sound like Andrea or Curtis are disabled unless we are counting shady and shifty as a legal disability these days. Get a court order. Put them out. Change your locks. Keep your kids, your house and your money where they belong - with you. But what do I know? I'm not a relationship expert, married or shacked up with a buff 20-something. Let me turn it over the crew...
Bougieland... what say you? Please talk to Hank. I am unable...