Comments on BougieLand: The Return of Ask a Bougie Chick!

Thank you for some common sense!

2010-09-15T19:48:21.363-05:00

Thank you for some common sense!

Are you really coming with the "boys will be ...

2010-09-15T19:40:09.340-05:00

Are you really coming with the "boys will be boys" argument? FAIL! yes the woman should set the rules but men should know how to act after a certain point. let's not act like the men have no culpability here

LOL - why we gotta sashay?!

2010-09-15T19:40:06.356-05:00

LOL - why we gotta sashay?!

Welcome and cosign!

2010-09-15T19:40:05.913-05:00

Welcome and cosign!

So are you saying the men are wrong in these cases...

2010-09-15T19:40:05.037-05:00

So are you saying the men are wrong in these cases? I say the boys are just being boys.

Oh not crazy, just a little to the left of off. ;-...

2010-09-15T19:40:03.708-05:00

Oh not crazy, just a little to the left of off. ;-)

We can agree to disagree since we don't really...

2010-09-15T19:39:54.944-05:00

We can agree to disagree since we don't really know what either of them thought going in, we just know where they are now. I still say you can go into a relationship thinking it's one thing and change your mind to make it something else along the way.

First time on the blog, what an interesting discus...

2010-09-15T19:39:50.123-05:00

First time on the blog, what an interesting discussion. I think pretty early on both parties need to have the expectation setting discussion. Heaven forbid you actually have to tell a man you expect not to be called a bitch. But in Dee's case, they should have had this discussion years ago. The word baby should not be falling out of his mouth before the words "marry me"

Ha! Riley, you keep making sense we won't know...

2010-09-15T19:39:46.711-05:00

Ha! Riley, you keep making sense we won't know what to do ;-)

That makes sense

2010-09-15T19:39:46.313-05:00

That makes sense

Jayme is our resident relationship expert. Not onl...

2010-09-15T19:39:45.829-05:00

Jayme is our resident relationship expert. Not only has she been married for 16 years, she is a life coach and relationship counselor. I no longer date without her input - LOL!

I think both couples need some outside interferenc...

2010-09-15T19:39:45.501-05:00

I think both couples need some outside interference if they are going to survive. It's obvious that both of these women are not standing up for themselves or they wouldn't be writing in to convince themselves that they are right.

Men will take what you give and run right down the field with it so like others have said in the comments, it's the woman's job to set the rules, boundaries and standards early. And hold the man to them. It's not an ultimatum if everyone already knows the guidelines. Think of it as a school system. You get to stay in school and go to the next level if you pass all your classes. You are being taught the curriculum, you just have to study, perform and pass. If you can't you get left behind. Simple.

I personally come up front from date two. "I&...

2010-09-15T19:39:44.755-05:00

I personally come up front from date two. "I'm not looking for anything serious" If a woman stays around after that, either she's not looking for anything serious or she thinks she can change my mind... which is NOT my fault.

As for Sassy, that's some ridiculousness on a whole other level. Any man who can call his wife that repeatedly and be okay with it... doesn't bode well for the future. IMHO

Eye Candy, I beg to differ. She knew from jump sh...

2010-09-15T19:39:44.427-05:00

Eye Candy, I beg to differ. She knew from jump she was marriage minded, but he didn't.

Jason P is correct but we don't know that quickly. Once we do know there's a choice, cut her loose or keep her while we wait for future Mrs. to switch, sashay, etc into our lives.

Well just like you can tell a "HELL NO"...

2010-09-15T19:39:44.049-05:00

Well just like you can tell a "HELL NO" from jump, so can we. Same way you can tell a maybe, as can we. So okay, maybe we don't know a definite marriage candidate in five minutes but pretty early on we can tell if she's not making the cut.

Thank you Riley! BTW, I like this other side of y...

2010-09-15T19:39:43.289-05:00

Thank you Riley!

BTW, I like this other side of you. ;)

I was about to call bullshiggity on Jason but you ...

2010-09-15T19:39:42.929-05:00

I was about to call bullshiggity on Jason but you did it classier.

Interesting. So the same way a woman knows within ...

2010-09-15T19:39:42.534-05:00

Interesting. So the same way a woman knows within the first five minutes whether she's sleeping with you that night or not, you know whether she's marriage material? For real though?

Yes ma'am - the thing about an ultimatum is th...

2010-09-15T19:39:42.128-05:00

Yes ma'am - the thing about an ultimatum is that you have to be willing to stand your ground. If you are willing to walk, don't say "either marry me or I walk" - that's just a stupid test no one passes.

If she finds that magic potion, she needs to bottle it and sell it on the Secret Sister Underground Railroad - she'll make millions.

I agree, I have three older brothers, one little b...

2010-09-15T19:39:41.740-05:00

I agree, I have three older brothers, one little brother, was raised by my Dad and I have a slew of Uncles, male cousins and homeboys so needless to say I know my way around the male mind. Men will do what you let them, but when they see something they want nothing can stop them from pursuing it, attacking it and keeping it. Men don't play games, they put it upfront, so say what you want from the get go and go from there.

I'm not saying walk, I'm saying talk it ou...

2010-09-15T19:39:41.374-05:00

I'm not saying walk, I'm saying talk it out and demand respect. Marriage is work, but if both people are willing to work at it then you are on a long road to happiness. If only one person is willing to put in the work then you can do bad all by yourself.

"If it is a ploy, you will lose." I agr...

2010-09-15T19:39:39.852-05:00

"If it is a ploy, you will lose."

I agree. Don't ever give someone a "It's my way or the highway" demand and not be ready for them to walk; which was also my point in my response. He might leave -- but if marriage is what she truly wants, then she should be ready for that if it's not what he wants.

If she's willing to compromise, then an ultimatum is unnecessary but she presents it like she's no longer willing to compromise. That or she wants someone to give her a magic potion that will make him wake up and choose marriage on his own, which ain't happening or else it already would've.

I hate to be mean but women like this just make me...

2010-09-15T19:39:38.572-05:00

I hate to be mean but women like this just make me grind my teeth! Women please, know yourself and what you want before presenting yourself to a man.

Well no reason for men to get upset. Sometime the ...

2010-09-15T19:39:38.243-05:00

Well no reason for men to get upset. Sometime the game changes. True, Dee wasn't smart to go all in thinking he was on the same page with her but if she decided she wants marriage, women are allowed to change their minds. If wants to change with her great, if not... onto the next

For Sassy: I'm always skeptical of people when...

2010-09-15T19:39:37.815-05:00

For Sassy: I'm always skeptical of people when they call me something and then say "I didn't call you that, I said you were acting that way..." If I was "acting" happy, and you said "Hey, you're happy today" you'd be calling me happy based on actions you've seen. So side-eye to your husband for not just apologizing on the spot.

For Dee: Co-sign OneChele completely, especially the cow and milk reference. It's not too late to tell him what you want and that you expect him to get with the program, BUT... be prepared for whatever consequences there are, including him throwing the deuces and leaving. His perogative -- but why do you have to be unhappy so he can be comfortable... or whatever? Like OneChele, I surely do not understand men who refuse to marry their girlfriends but are more than happy to have kids with her. What the hell is that? Truth be told, it kinda pisses me off.

Anyway, if his decision is to be out try to bear in mind that it frees you to find the man who DOES want to marry you. And I know all this is far easier said than done, but still... he's being ridiculous and you oughta treat yourself better by expecting him to have the decency to marry the woman he wants to mother his children. :)