Comments on BougieLand: I Love Black Men because… they rise up from the st...

Here's one. It's well known around the off...

2010-09-15T19:44:48.611-05:00

Here's one. It's well known around the office that I can cook. So one Friday morning, I was in the company kitchen chopping and prepping things for a department luncheon. One guy walks in and watches me for a while then gives me a strange look and runs out. Two minutes later, my SVP, someone from HR and someone from security walk in. They tell me that "someone" saw me putting marijuana in the spaghetti sauce. I pulled out my ziploc bag and passed it to them. "Yes, it's dried herbs but more like rosemary and basil." They all turned red apologized, tried to make jokes and basically stood around until I assured them that 1) I would finish cooking and 2) I would sue or slap the shit outta everybody. I did wait until later with everyone there as the first guy sat there eating his third plate and said loudly, "So a black man with an organic substance in his hand gotta be prepping weed, huh?" And then I re-told the story of what had happened. Just another day on Paycheck Plantation.

I so feel this post. When I was a first class freq...

2010-09-15T19:44:48.264-05:00

I so feel this post. When I was a first class frequent traveler, I consistently had these experiences. When I was married my husband was frequently harassed by po po. Once in front of our home with our two daughters in the back seat, one in a car seat, we were all dressed and he was wearing a suit and tie. Even after showing his license that had our address as being the house that we were parked in front of, they still asked him to step out of the car. I was livid. They blasted lights in my daughter's eyes and tried to harass me as I took my children in my home. Finally they let him off with a warning. He didn't even match the profile of the person they were looking for.

Most recently I was in my neighborhood Trader Joe's with my 12 year old daughter and a white woman accused me of trying to steal her purse because I was moving her shopping cart she had parked in front of the produce. Fortunately, my daughter was there as I tempered my comments. I did manage to get in the fact that my purse cost at minimun 10 times what her did....

Sorry to write so much. This topic just gets my blood pumping.

Wow, I have never heard anyone articulate those th...

2010-09-15T19:44:47.856-05:00

Wow, I have never heard anyone articulate those thoughts and feelings that way.

OKAY... THIS! This is what I needed after a long d...

2010-09-15T19:44:47.542-05:00

OKAY... THIS! This is what I needed after a long dealing with "folks" at the jay-o.
Nice to get a little appreciation. For the record sisters, a woman telling a man "thank you for being you" is an instant turn-on. Daddy like.

Big & tall with a bald head does not help my c...

2010-09-15T19:44:47.086-05:00

Big & tall with a bald head does not help my cause. However, during a going away party for another supervisor of mine; she gave me a big hug and called me her gentle giant. That was cool, so I guess it all evens out somehow.

Dang, why are you trying to make me fall in love!?...

2010-09-15T19:44:46.657-05:00

Dang, why are you trying to make me fall in love!?

This post was on point. I actually take for granted the fact that "adjusting" my presence has become a necessary part of existence for me as a black man. It shouldn't have to be that way, but it becomes such a conditioned response in social settings, that it really is a "tap-dance" through the realities of awkward perceptions and narrow-minded behaviors toward us.

I love my black women, because I believe they can empathize - as you clearly demonstrated by writing this reflection so well about an experience that is similar to your own fight as a black woman. This is why strong black women will forever have my respect - if I know what I go through is a test of persistence, versatility, and determination, then I automatically can admire and relate to the black struggle across the gender divide.

Rob, you and Glen have me sitting in my office wit...

2010-09-15T19:44:46.290-05:00

Rob, you and Glen have me sitting in my office with my mouth hanging wide open. I honestly am shocked/appalled/flabbergasted by the level of ignorance ya'll have to put up with.

I understand your conflict. It's hard to paint...

2010-09-15T19:44:45.943-05:00

I understand your conflict. It's hard to paint with the broad strokes when your experiences have not been positive but I'm staying cautiously optimistic.

applause

2010-09-15T19:44:45.621-05:00

*applause*

chele, let me apologize on behalf of my husband, a...

2010-09-15T19:44:45.262-05:00

chele, let me apologize on behalf of my husband, an otherwise stellar black man that I generally enjoy. he has been know to step out of bounds. Great post by the way. I also like the poll from the earlier post today.

Well I appreciate the post. Don't let Riley sc...

2010-09-15T19:44:44.821-05:00

Well I appreciate the post. Don't let Riley scotch up your game. Plenty of black men happy (ecstatic) to be about our sisters in the struggle. And we will take all the love, support and admiration we can get believe me. As a matter of fact, just walk up to any black man and tell him you like his tie (shoe, watch, mustache) and he will beam. Think women like an ego stroke... let me tell you - keep it coming, like a thirsty plant looking for water.

Okay, you are officially my favorite female blogge...

2010-09-15T19:44:43.729-05:00

Okay, you are officially my favorite female blogger. The three examples you gave are just a tip of the iceberg. In order to be more "acceptable" in the workplace, I had to change the way I dressed, the way I talked, the way I walked. And that was okay cause we do what we have to do to get where we want to go. But to take shit from my own people, the women who are supposed to be my future life partners - that's a harder pill to swallow.

Just curious if anybody but you has actually seen ...

2010-09-15T19:44:43.286-05:00

Just curious if anybody but you has actually seen this shine?

I always have pause when someone leads with "...

2010-09-15T19:44:42.954-05:00

I always have pause when someone leads with "I'm not trying to start anything but..."
I get that you feel unappreciated by black women, I would submit there could be multiple reasons for that which yes, this blog will not correct.

Dude, miss me with that. *cues tiny violin playing...

2010-09-15T19:44:42.337-05:00

Dude, miss me with that. *cues tiny violin playing* Yeah, I'm the one that mentioned your mom. I didn't insult her OR YOU for that matter. My assumption is that you are a black man, right? More than likely you are the son of a black woman, right? So how is that out of order??? The point was to get you to THINK, Riley dearest, and not generalize.

Sounds like a hit dog hollering to me.

Get your shine on, all night long, get your shine on. I'm sure you will be just fine.

I just got off the phone with a black man who obviously thinks I'm worth the trouble, despite my perfect imperfections. I'ma be allright too.

You know what Riley. You are a shit starter and th...

2010-09-15T19:44:41.919-05:00

You know what Riley. You are a shit starter and that's OK. You don't want to date black chicks and you put us all in one box and that's OK..it's par for the course for brothers like you.

What I really want you to do, is go look your mother in the face, and tell her that she's more trouble that its worth. I don't know if your parents are together or not, so I'm not trying to insult your background, but there is a man that thought your mom was worth it and the love they had made you.

That is all.

I would - for a week. Just to know how it feels to...

2010-09-15T19:44:41.514-05:00

I would - for a week. Just to know how it feels to have someone always sympathize with how hard it is for me in life.

Maybe I'll be in a more celebratory mood when I see as many posts celebrating black women coming from black men. I feel that many of us do a lot of bending over backwards to empathize with "the black man's plight" when....they do enough of that on their own. And then blame us for not empathizing enough with them to spoil them rotten like they claim "others" do (see Riley). *roll eyes* I celebrate the PEOPLE (regardless of race) that celebrate me and my fellow black women. (I see you Jake.)

I'm not sure it's harder but it can't ...

2010-09-15T19:44:41.190-05:00

I'm not sure it's harder but it can't be easy. I still wouldn't trade places with them ;-)
Maya FTW!

I'm a little conflicted about the post. Like J...

2010-09-15T19:44:40.763-05:00

I'm a little conflicted about the post. Like Jazzzy below, I don't love all Black Men. Some are a considerable pain in my ass but on the flip side, I could see where spinning a bit more positivity there way can't hurt.

I'm sitting here drinking a cup of hot homemad...

2010-09-15T19:44:40.143-05:00

I'm sitting here drinking a cup of hot homemade vegetable broth trying to recover from a cold trip out and about. Personally, I think during winter there should be a cessation of hostilities on all fronts. It's too cold. Life becomes way too hard for too many people. There is an increase in families at the homeless shelters here due to the bad economy and they are asking for donations to the food pantries for the same reason. My ex-boyfriend is a black man and although he put me through hell the last six months I was with him, I would never reach the conclusion that all black men are not worth it or even that he was not worth it. Nobody ever said loving somebody was going to be easy. 100% with you on the positive direction of this week's posts.

Jazzy, you should read VSB.com. verysmartbrothas....

2010-09-15T19:44:39.772-05:00

Jazzy, you should read VSB.com. verysmartbrothas.com.

I'm trying to think of my own sitchation. I d...

2010-09-15T19:44:39.351-05:00

I'm trying to think of my own sitchation. I don't feel it as much because I keep everyone at a distance. I'm not trying to be your friend, I have my patnas who have held me down in some surrious sitchations.

The daily grind can be tiring. Quite a start to this week's post.

I believe we have a solution: Riley can pass over ...

2010-09-15T19:44:38.951-05:00

I believe we have a solution: Riley can pass over all of the black women that are too much trouble for him to Jake. And Jake can enjoy.

Just so we're clear: Snarking about a group of people's lack of empathy in response to an empathetic post from a member of the group that's allegedly lacking in empathy = shit-starting.

On a completely unrelated note, thank you for toda...

2010-09-15T19:44:38.585-05:00

On a completely unrelated note, thank you for today's polls. It still amazes me how much prejudice and ignorance is still in the world today. That post-racism might as well be Utopia or Atlantis.

"The sisters have been more trouble than it&#...

2010-09-15T19:44:38.254-05:00

"The sisters have been more trouble than it's worth"...which is another way of saying "The sisters aren't worth much to me" because show me a trouble-less dating situation and I'll show you some thin air. Do stop blaming others for your own issues and have fun with whomever you eventually find to welcome your...specialness.