Comments on BougieLand: Some things I just won’t share – A thought on “ope...

when your with a man who loves you how does that f...

2010-07-05T10:24:00.214-05:00

when your with a man who loves you how does that feel? Now imagine it times two. There are many facets to me that one person cannot and should not attempt to understand, its one of the reasons women form many friendships, we have our Bouge friends, the around the way friends and the people we call when we want to have a good time only. Sometimes these friends can be in all the categories and sometimes you have friends that just stay in only one category, all of this to say no matter how well your partner knows you they still dont GET all of of you. There are several types of non-monogamy, there open relationships, there arre triads (as described above) and the concept can go on and on. In my relationship we are a closed triangle, meaning its just the three of us in our relationship. My partners are my best friends,in some ways we each have what the sother seeks in a "perfect" partner with one i can be a complete "girly girl" and not feel that there is anything wrong with it and with the other i can be the girl that goes camping, and can shoot better than he can (just don't tell him i said so) and sometimes i switch and i get twice the love twice the work of being in a solid relationship cause there is a lot of talking (a whole lot of damn talking) we have set our boundaries and made our commitments and we honor them as if it were two partners instead of three, its NOT for everyone but it can work if the people involved are adult enough to really make it work. It shouldn't be done to "save" a relationship because the problems there before will still be there, i still love and trust my man and work at being a good partner there are just two men i have to love and trust. Its not for you but just to point out its not new in this world it is however experiencing a resurgence in the main stream the term "Husband" was a generic term which was used by the person making the most or bringing the most to the relationship, but when patriarchy took over it changed to the man being the husband, it also states within the bible that as long as a man can love his wives without favoring one over the other and can honor them with love then its allowed, just think King Solomon, who was richly blessed by God (even with all his wives and concubines)

um lemme think about it...NO. i wish someone woul...

2010-03-23T21:30:35.477-05:00

um lemme think about it...NO. i wish someone would come at me with the idea of having an "open" relationship. I'd look at him and say, "crack is whack" because that is what he would have to be one to say this to me. If you are feeling hte need to sleep with other people, then don't get married. I'm sorry when folks say that it doesn't bother them and it works, I feel like they are just putting on. How can anyone be ok with their mate having sexual relationships with aother, then come home to you and get into the same bed like nothing is wrong. I don't think so!!!I bet men love the idea for themselves but if their woman actually goes ahead and gets herself a man, I guarantee he'd have an attitude. Sometimes I think that women are too accepting of things to keep a man. Not this one.

Tiffany
http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com

Hell, Chele, I want to go 85 minutes with someone ...

2010-03-14T22:49:05.687-05:00

Hell, Chele, I want to go 85 minutes with someone I actually like.....a woman can dream.

Congrats to the couple!

Those saying that we should take our cues from ani...

2010-03-14T20:52:06.543-05:00

Those saying that we should take our cues from animals should realise that quite a number of species are monogamous for life. Not for the duration of mating season, but til death do they part.

Wonder what they'd say then?

When her and her husband were on the red carpet th...

2010-03-12T06:31:46.110-06:00

When her and her husband were on the red carpet the other day and she leaned over and kissed him on the lips he had the funniest look on his face almost like "you know we don't do that"...I was like wow.

I'm not buying it. I get the feeling that Mon...

2010-03-12T06:18:53.168-06:00

I'm not buying it. I get the feeling that Monique is lying to herself and that the marriage is one of convenience and comfort and she's taking that open marriage bit as part of the package. Maybe they struck up a deal between them who knows....but what woman doesn't want a man that they are truly in love with to be faithful and monogomous to them?? I think she's coming out with this so if the public catches him with someone else (man or woman) she can say it doesn't matter because she was cool with it anyway. I'm not saying I'm right but that's just my two cents.

[CareyCarey]"Do they still make you" No...

2010-03-12T06:09:02.640-06:00

[CareyCarey]"Do they still make you"

Now that's a good question. I'm going to use that one. But really, although I think I know what you are saying, splain that to me. maybe you were being slick, in a snide way? But it was good and it was slick. Yes, to each his own, I agree.

"Wrong audience"

That's why I love stopping by. I don't make my lunch here, but sometimes Ineed to touch my female side *lol*

I love to see how females feel and think. Basically, I like to listen to their thinking process. They say women think/love from their heart, and men from their eyes. In some cases I'm finding that to be true. Men can be emotional-less jerks. Wouldn't you agree? Then again, emotions make you cry sometimes (stole that from an old jam), and they can lead you in the wrong direction.

First, you shouldn't have taken it personally...

2010-03-12T05:27:08.313-06:00

First, you shouldn't have taken it personally! If it didn't apply to you, don't put the shoe on. Case in point, look at what you said: ..."I am absolutely fed up with people marching themselves into a conversation and when they read or hear something that doesn't correspond to their vision of the universe, then everyone else must be lying"

Do you see how you are contradicting yourself? Also, didn't you notice how I qualified my statement? So, although you said you don't like disturbing the calm, I think the calm rests in your heart.

More importantly, as in the theme of Chele's prior post, sometimes things that make us the most uncomfortable are exactly what we need. In this case, like others have suggested, my comment was more about thinking outside the box. It had nothing to do(whatsoever) with you! Unless of course, you felt offended, then again, the question is why? The answer remains at your feet.

In short, read my comment one more time, I did not say everyone was lying.

But hey, I understand, my comments (although submiited in jest) can be misread. And my approach is strong, please excuse me. However, I think my words were emulated by others such as Vonmiwi Culvera's. Yet, they were said in a softer fashion.

In discourse/argument, there's the nays and the yahs. somewhere in the middle there's answers for both. Thank you for forcing me to think a little deeper. If we all agreed on every issue... then hey, what would be the purpose.

FIVE STARS! TWO THUMBS WAY UP! DITTO DITTO DIT...

2010-03-12T04:55:25.418-06:00

FIVE STARS! TWO THUMBS WAY UP! DITTO DITTO DITTO!

MoNique came out with this news in 2006 and I gues...

2010-03-12T00:10:57.441-06:00

MoNique came out with this news in 2006 and I guess no one was paying any attention until "Barbara WaWa" bought it up again and now that she's officially gossip fodder it's still a hot topic. Tilda Swinton, another Academy Award winning actress has talked excessively about her open marriage and we don't hear a bleap about it. I'm not going judge any of them because it's none of my business. Some folks are in "open marriages" but just don't realise it and are often in denial about it.

Careycarey2, I'm not the type who enjoys dist...

2010-03-11T23:46:05.860-06:00

Careycarey2,

I'm not the type who enjoys disturbing the calm, but I'm taking BIG issue with your blanket statement that "there seems to be a whole lot of lying up in here..."

Excuse me?

You definitely don't know me and I would dare say that you probably don't know at least 99.9% of the women and men posting comments on this blog. So where do you get off calling us liars?

I am absolutely fed up with people marching themselves into a conversation and when they read or hear something that doesn't correspond to their vision of the universe, then everyone else must be lying.

Now unless you are some rare psychic with a phenomenal talent for spotting untruths and deception {and that skill has been proven beyond all shadow of a doubt to be 100% accurate}, how about extending to us the same respect that has been shown to you!

Unfortunately, some men to need to be told. Or may...

2010-03-11T23:10:12.990-06:00

Unfortunately, some men to need to be told. Or maybe some women need to say it. Either way, I'm also one who likes to state my expectations upfront. And like you, my definition of cheating is thought out and clear.

Chele - no thank you to the sharing. People would ...

2010-03-11T23:08:35.058-06:00

Chele - no thank you to the sharing. People would have you believe that it happen all the time and people are okay with but I don't know anybody who does or is.

Do they still make you? Wrong audience. And no, it...

2010-03-11T23:08:28.400-06:00

Do they still make you? Wrong audience. And no, it's not bougie to hand out two for one coupons. To each his own.

Now, there seems to be a whole lot of lying up in ...

2010-03-11T22:41:30.126-06:00

Now, there seems to be a whole lot of lying up in here, or the open crowd does not kiss and tell. I mean, given the fact that thousands of women share men, sumtin just ain't right. Maybe they don't have PC's or read Chele's blog?

I had to read all the way down to Maxfab befoe someone raised their hand.

What about this: 2 birds in the bush, is better than none in the hand? I'm just askin'

Then again, maybe it's not bougie to have 2 honey pots. Or, be the other Queen Bee? I had a woman tell me "It's just sex"

I agree 1000% with you . In any relationship I wi...

2010-03-11T21:43:25.197-06:00

I agree 1000% with you . In any relationship I will be the "only one" not the "other one". and if that can't happen then you need to "kick rocks" But I have been given the "side eye" to Sidney ever since this "marriage" thing happened.

I saw this interview and I believe that Mo'Niq...

2010-03-11T21:18:19.857-06:00

I saw this interview and I believe that Mo'Nique is truly cool with her set-up - or believes that she is...who knows whether she'll feel the same way if she's actually confronted with the situation (if she hasn't already been). How many times has she been married? 2? 3? By now, I imagine that she's learned whether or not she's okay with an open marriage.

I've heard Mo'Nique discuss other relationships while in the midst of them and she seemed angry - even though she was claiming to be happy and in love. Remember in Queens of Comedy when she made "jokes" about not being able to trust any woman alone with her man? Not even her mama? Or when she "joked" about doing any and every freaky thing her man wants in order to keep him happy? Yeah...she doesn't talk like that anymore. What she says now seems to be coming from her, not something that she's told herself that she wants in order to be happy. Then again, this might be yet another compromise in a long line of compromises that she seems to make to be with a man.

*shrug*

I'm a fidelity-trust kinda chick. I absolutely wouldn't stay with a man who cheated on me. But I've never had that conversation with any exes. Yet they were 100% sure that we'd be over immediately if they cheated on me. As a matter of fact, they were the ones who told ME that I wouldn't take them cheating. Men don't need to be told how we'll handle a situation. Many men will tell you that many women profess one thing but do another. They watch how we handle ourselves with them and others in our lives to predict if we really mean what we say (or don't say).

I had forgotten about the furry legs... thanks for...

2010-03-11T19:39:36.583-06:00

I had forgotten about the furry legs... thanks for the reminder :-/ LOL

None whatsover, but remember before an interview t...

2010-03-11T18:18:17.871-06:00

None whatsover, but remember before an interview they do research on you & I'm sure that is one of the things she (Barbara) found out while doing her research.

These are one of those issues that for me falls ...

2010-03-11T18:11:18.643-06:00

These are one of those issues that for me falls under where my morality ends yours ought to start & vice versa. I just know how I'm built this "open relationship" will not work for me. And i'm going from the school of thought that "open relationship" means having sex outside our relationship (by the way this thought should scare most of us off our chair; statistics just came out showing 42% of black women or something close to that have herpes, never mind HIV AIDs #'s). I'm with trusting you SO, but what are goals of those kind of relationship?

By the way, I love Monique & how she chooses to run her relationship is none of my business.

Between Monique yelling entirely too much on her s...

2010-03-11T17:37:09.522-06:00

Between Monique yelling entirely too much on her show and telling me her husband likes her furry legs.................. this doesn't even surprise me. I find it hard to believe that she is truly a-okay with her husband sleeping with other women. It sounds more like desperation and accepting whatever is thrown her way for the sake of not being alone. Believe me when you cross that marriage line the conversation goes from you cheat and I'll cut ya to you cheat, I'm the beneficiary on your policy and try me if you think you bad : )

Even though I love Monique, I too took issue with ...

2010-03-11T16:53:51.042-06:00

Even though I love Monique, I too took issue with it. My unprofessional opinion is that she is looking for love and will except it any form it comes just like the person she played that accepted that her boyfriend slept with her daughter. People, white and black are desperate for this thing they think is love. True love my friend is so strong that they would not want to share their mate. Also OneChele I too have to cheat and get cut conversation. I don't play that if you cheat boo keep it moving.

I don't really care what she and her hubby do ...

2010-03-11T16:13:18.693-06:00

I don't really care what she and her hubby do in private. Many couples do all sorts of freaky things with or without others involved but don't make it public. Could it be that they are both bisexual and she was doing a little advertising? Didn't I hear somewhere that Jada and Will are into the open stuff too? Hmmm...

Sure it's called something else, hoedom.

2010-03-11T16:13:15.272-06:00

Sure it's called something else, hoedom.

That was my question. What does your marriage have...

2010-03-11T16:07:34.668-06:00

That was my question. What does your marriage have to do with your Oscar nom?