Comments on BougieLand: WBFFD (What Bougie Folks are Forced to Do) – Defen...

Reminds of DuBois' idea of Double Consciousnes...

2010-12-19T14:17:51.897-06:00

Reminds of DuBois' idea of Double Consciousness...

"[we live in] a world which yields him no true self-consciousness, but only lets him see himself through the revelation of the other world. It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others, of measuring one's soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his two-ness,--an American, a Negro; two warring souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder" (from Souls of Black Folk)

Although I did not grow up bougie I have certainly...

2010-11-23T02:53:38.040-06:00

Although I did not grow up bougie I have certainly developed my fair share of bougieness along the way. I love all types of music and generally get the serious side eye from my friends and family when I sing along to Hall and Oates and my white friends are amazed that I know all the words to "Carlos Rossi". I have generally been the only ( or one of very few) black folks at most of my workplaces and get asked the most random and ridiculous things from my coworkers who assume that I am the go to girl for all things black, ghetto or hood. I have been told more times than I can count how well spoken I am or how well dressed I am but still followed when I enter a boutique or high end store. It's sad to me that it's 2010 and we still have to deal with these issues.

Oh my goodness. I came to Bougieland long after t...

2010-11-01T13:28:25.828-05:00

Oh my goodness. I came to Bougieland long after this post. I didn't grow up bougie (not by a longshot) but I developed it. Attending a predominantly white college--and being the first in my extended family to go to college--I can relate to your having "two sets" of things. To this day I have different sets of friends that I contact depending on the event. Mine are split "pre-college" and "post-college". I got sooo much more than "book learning" in college.

This whole post sums up my life growing up and my ...

2010-08-26T12:27:56.999-05:00

This whole post sums up my life growing up and my adult years in corporate america. Chele are you sure we are not related? I especially like this point here ----> "All of this to say what? It's hard out here for the bougie? Yes. Our own President was accused of being elitist for eating arugula but militant for doing a fist bump… that's the fine line the educated, upwardly mobile Black American tiptoes on every day."
Being somewhat new to Bougieland I had never read this one. Thanx for reposting the link.

This just spoke to me! Thanks! I grew up pretty mu...

2010-08-14T12:24:19.064-05:00

This just spoke to me! Thanks! I grew up pretty much the same way except in self-segregated Pittsburgh. We were the only Black family all of the time.

too funny that you say "euros". I use th...

2009-09-04T20:13:29.000-05:00

too funny that you say "euros". I use that term all the time and my husband laughs at my many ways of saying white person/people.

This is exactly on point. I've heard from more...

2009-08-27T14:33:02.772-05:00

This is exactly on point. I've heard from more than one of my so-called friends that I come off really bougie, but I'm actually nice. Really? So in other words you judged me based off of my looks? It's bad enough euros do it, I get tired of feeling the need to defend myself with my own folk as well.

@mahogany - welcome home and thanks! ;-)

2009-08-25T22:25:10.292-05:00

@mahogany - welcome home and thanks! ;-)

New reader...enjoying your blog very much. This p...

2009-08-25T20:22:39.900-05:00

New reader...enjoying your blog very much.

This post TOTALLY resonated with me.

I've had many of these same experiences going back to childhood...being one of only 6 black kids at my private school, having white parents drive me home fro study groups in HS and being STUNNED my house was nicer than theirs and quizzing me on the occupation of my mother and father, growing up in neighborhoods with NO other Black people *at all*, and dealing with all that this entails.

It is always nice to come across people who have experienced the same and can articulate the trials and tribulations (along with the blessings).

it will never end. during on campus interviewing ...

2009-08-10T22:05:24.862-05:00

it will never end. during on campus interviewing in law school i consistently found myself pegged as a litigator because i "speak so well"

less than a week ago, i was ensured my fledging solo practice would take off because i'm just SO articulate. do i look like i need confirmation that i'm capable of effectively communicating?

@greg dragon & nut_cookie: as MJ said "yo...

2009-07-22T15:40:21.387-05:00

@greg dragon & nut_cookie: as MJ said "you are not alone!"

@beatfreak thank you!

I actually heard the "she's so well spoke...

2009-07-22T15:06:04.202-05:00

I actually heard the "she's so well spoken!" comments. As a child, black adults would remark that I "talked funny".

Even today I get that bull and it never fails to make me seethe. A person shouldn't have to justify who they are because they fail to fit someone else's idea of what they should be, based off of stereotypes no less.

This was a great read, thanks for writing it!

Thank you for this! I am adding you to my reader.

2009-07-20T21:28:24.876-05:00

Thank you for this! I am adding you to my reader.

I echo the sentiments of everyone here by saying b...

2009-07-20T14:51:49.759-05:00

I echo the sentiments of everyone here by saying bravo on a well written article.

Sadly much of it rung familiar to me and I forwarded it on to my girlfriend since we talk about the dual prejudice all the time and her daughter is experiencing much of it in the public school system. Sadly I don't see this improving anytime soon but it's always great to hear other people's stories on it.

@AnnellaBella - I'll be posting some insights ...

2009-07-19T17:42:42.326-05:00

@AnnellaBella - I'll be posting some insights from BougieMom for you.

@Anon from 7/19 - Embrace your inner bouge. You do you and let the rest fall where it may

Thanks to all for the great feedback this article is getting

Thank you so much for this post! Apart from attend...

2009-07-19T17:18:06.956-05:00

Thank you so much for this post! Apart from attending charm school, your experiences pretty much encapsulate my own growing up. I cannot tell you how meaningful it is to read someone else so eloquently describe what it is like to be black but not “black” enough. I have been called bougie my entire life, and at 24, I have just now have begun to not feel hurt or guilty when someone accuses me for liking or engaging in some activity that is too “highbrow” or “white.” It’s just great to hear that I am not alone.

Just found your blog and what a fabulous post! I t...

2009-07-16T17:49:42.819-05:00

Just found your blog and what a fabulous post! I think I just read my life story! (well, except for the private/charm school. Public school and usually the only black kid.) My sister, brother and I talk about this all the time, we're never black enough or white enough. The three of us are chameleons/mimics and change to fit our surroundings. And don't get me started on how many times people I've spoken to on the phone are startled to find out I'm black when they meet me in person!

I am feeling this article. It's always somethi...

2009-07-16T16:41:08.047-05:00

I am feeling this article. It's always something isn't it?

Sounds like we had the same experinces and upbring...

2009-07-16T14:31:23.079-05:00

Sounds like we had the same experinces and upbringing!Except people always liked to use the excuse my Daddy was African to explain why I talked and acted diffrent.Even in my own family.

Excellent post, thank you for taking the time, thi...

2009-07-16T06:49:35.353-05:00

Excellent post, thank you for taking the time, this needs to be said until it sinks into the cloudy consciousness of the masses

Here via JJP. I loved this article. Thanks for sha...

2009-07-15T18:17:19.908-05:00

Here via JJP. I loved this article. Thanks for sharing. I Listening to all sorts of music, reading all sorts of books and magazines, I have constantly walked that tightrope between two different worlds.

@Anon - I'm late with the eHarmony story, I kn...

2009-07-15T15:37:36.146-05:00

@Anon - I'm late with the eHarmony story, I know.

@SpkTruth - thanks and a wistful hello to the Bay Area, I was 8 years in Alameda.

I don't even know where to begin with the prai...

2009-07-15T15:27:45.653-05:00

I don't even know where to begin with the praise of this piece. I will just say, yes, I hear you, and I think you made excellent points about ultimately being in a position where you must prove yourself. It seems that in this world the black person cannot be a shade of gray, but most be black or white, and accept that they lose a part of themselve by "choosing a side". It really shouldn't be that way, but it sure feels that way. And then being in a different state of mind where you believe your accomplishments and parts of you should complement your total person, instead are looked on as handicaps.

Very amusing. Thanks for the chuckles at work. I...

2009-07-15T15:24:35.113-05:00

Very amusing. Thanks for the chuckles at work.

I enjoyed this so much that I read through a few of your other postings. So when are you posting part 2 of your looking for love saga on eHarmoney? Can't wait for the rest story.

@ heavy armor and A.Smith, thanks! I love hearing ...

2009-07-15T14:46:28.389-05:00

@ heavy armor and A.Smith, thanks! I love hearing the shared experiences from all.

@Brandi, I'm straight stealing "le sigh," be advised.

@BMWA Have you kept up the right cross to the mouth? Some folks still need one.

@Lisa - Too true, if I had a nickel for every white person who apologized when Roots came on...