Taking MY name in vain...

Over the course of the past few days, it has come to my attention that some fellas are out here in these innanets using me as an entree to meet and/or engage with women. Normally, I would say... okay, I see you player. 

But in these four cases, dudes have turned ratchet and used my name to do so. That's So Not Bougie. At all. And actually, even if they hadn't turned ratchet - what's with using my name to get your game on? No sir.

For the record, let me state that unless I reach out to you directly and say "Yes, this is a good person - date him with my blessing" I haven't endorsed him. The people that I have endorsed, I generally take the time to introduce them via phone, chat or in person so that a friendly hand off can take place before I step out of the middle. If this has not happened, whoever tells you that I'm cool with them is full of rancid shiggity.

While it's true that I try to be fabulous (and modest, ha!) and try to surround myself with the same kind of people, not everybody gets that inner circle stamp of approval.

Apparently it's hot in the streetz to tell chicks that I've met you, signed off on you and given my blessing. One, I'm not the Pope - I don't give valediction. Two, do your homework - ratchet always leaves a trail. Three, email me and ask - I'll shoot straight.

As for the brethren who tried it? I wouldn't try it again. 

Try me and see...

BougieLand - What part of the game?

Know who you're texting if you're sexting... Please!

It was early Thanksgiving morning and my cell phone was blowing up. Knowing that more than likely it was folks sending out their text edition of a Hallmark card, I put the phone on silent to ignore it and flipped over to go back to sleep. When I woke up a half hour later I had over 20 missed text messages. Seriously?

I scrolled from the bottom up: family, family, college roommate, friend, friend, number I didn't recognize. The number I didn't recognize had the caption beside it "something for you to think about" - really? Ooookay. And then foolish me, I clicked to open. The best thing I can tell you is that the picture was high definition. Then again, maybe that's the worse thing. Yes, some random dude sent me a picture of himself from the neck down in all his naked glory.

I didn't recognize him. I flipped to the next text and I guess this dude really wanted to get his point across because he took close-ups off all (ev.ery.one) of his various body parts and sent them along. I skipped to the  last note in the thread and read the following:

"Taneisha, I'm waiting for you to call me."

Oh. So not only did dude send XXX pics of himself before eight in the damn morning but he sent them to the wrong person? 

Of course I decided to have some fun. "Those pictures were supposed to make me call?"

"You were calling out my name last night. Don't even trip."

"Whose name did I say?"

"You're game playing today? You know this is Xxxxxxx."

Ha. Now I knew who it was and I was triply amused. "No, I didn't know it was you. Guess what?"

"What?"

"This isn't Taneisha."

"Who is THIS?"

"Not Taneisha. Happy Thanksgiving to you. LOL!" I turned the phone off. Of course he called, heard my voice and left some ridiculous message. I didn't care. Haven't dated the guy in forever.

But the moral of this story, BougieLand - know thy contact list. Know who you're texting when you're sexting. Please and thank you...

Thoughts, comments, insights on When Holiday Sexting Goes Wrong?

No Country for Sorry-Ass Excuses - Top Five

Earlier this week, one of the commenters shared that she found her man swirling cocoa with another woman all up in her apartment and the best he could come with was... "It's not what you think" - really, sir? That prompted me to share the top five lamest-assed excuses I've ever heard from people. Read them and weep.

1. "I did this for you" - Upon discovering that my boyfriend was hitting on my best friend and roommate, his explanation was that he wanted to be sure our relationship could withstand anything. Ri-ight. So calling my girl and leaving explicit messages (that he was in no way able to back up) on her machine where the whole house could hear them was his way of doing me a favor? In retrospect, he really did. I was done.

2. "You know the devil is busy" - This was the excuse I got when I found out that a friend of mine was a pathological liar. Like not nary one thing she said to me in an 18-month time span was true or based on anything like the truth. Lucifer is in these streets wreaking havoc, that's true. But old girl was just on a whole other level with it. You know what though? It was kind of diabolical.

3. "I might have misunderstand the parameters of our relationship" - Ah, the intellectual's excuse for why another woman's laundry was mixed in with his. I made sure to make clear the new parameters: I'm going over there, you stay right here. Next.

4. "I know what you thought you heard" - Riding in the car with this dude. His cell phone rings. He miscalculates the distance that sound travels and assumes I can't hear word for word what some random chick is saying to him. After her third explicit comment about what she could do for him if only he wasn't wasting his time with me, I suggested (loudly) that he turn said car around and take me home forth with. Huge (GIGANTIC) fight followed. It was the beginning of the end.

And my all time favorite...

5. "I can explain" - This appears to be a catch-all no matter what ratchety foolishness the other person has been up to. What I love about this one is that frequently, there really is no valid explanation. All the person can (and should) really do is hang their head, say "I'm sorry, please forgive me" and keep it pushing. And yet, they feel compelled to pull some flavor of explanation together. 

BougieLand, doncha love these?! Any more for the list? Have you heard/used/ignored a few of these in the past? Lamest explanations for ratchet-assed behavior... whatcha got?

Are you focused on the Plan instead of the (Wo)Man

I know a lot of married people. A lot, a lot, a lot. And for those in my age bracket, I'm sad to say that about 70% of them are not happy. I mean like Not. Happy. At. All. My older brother and I were talking about it and we've heard a lot of the same stories. Some people didn't want to get married in the first place but thought "it was time". Others knew early in the marriage that it wasn't going to work out but decided to adopt a "wait and see" attitude. Others have grown apart. Others just kind of let things dissolve into "whateverness". 

I'm just wondering how many people get to the point where they are just ready to kick the Life Plan into effect. Get married, have kids, live happily ever after and so they just shoehorn the person they are currently with into the Plan. Women have the added pressure of the biological time clock detonating at any given moment and we've all surely seen how that affects life mate decision making.

If I had a dime for every time I heard a guy say, "Well, she had put in the time and I was going to get married eventually anyway." Or every time a girl admitted, "I was just ready to get married." Good people, we call that settling and that rarely works out well in the long run.

Having been proposed to a few times (truly not bragging on that),  I have to ask myself - what are you waiting on and what are you looking for? And I know that I'm waiting on the absolute sense that I'm marrying the right person for the long-term not just someone it might be cool to be married to for a little while.

I've given enough speeches about how there are worse things in the world than being single so I'll just save that rant. Instead, I'll get your opinions - Do you think too many people settle for the good of The Plan? Or do you think too many people hold out for that perfect soul mate? Just curious about your thoughts. The floor is yours.

Why are you counting?

I think it was @VeronicaMarche who tweeted something yesterday to make me recall this guy...

I remember a second date with a guy a few years back. Over the appetizer course, he explained to me that it usually took him two dates or the equivalent of knowing a woman for an average of 17 days before he got them into bed. He went onto explain that most of his relationships lasted about six to nine months and over that course of time, he generally liked to average stirring the cocoa about five or six times a week. Sometime between serving up #60 and #80 women tended to tire of him. He didn't know why. Shocking.

I was fascinated, repulsed and totally through with old boy all at the same time. The only question I could ask was, "So you count?"

"Of course, these things are important to keep track of." Are they really?!

BougieLand?! With the exception of teenagers who don't know any better, long-distance lovers on a countdown or folks working on fertility/ovulation... I don't get it. Who counts days until, days in between and how many times over the course of a relationship? And how do you count? Exactly? Are there bonus points for marathon sessions? Do um.. multiple boil-overs of cocoa count separately? Subtractions for do-overs? And what is the point of counting? Tell me why?! Please respond.