It's Texas Ya'll

It's Juneteenth ya'll...

Yeah, I'm late. I decided to commemorate all my emancipated liberties and whatnot by sitting on my hindparts reading a book and sipping tea. Thank you President Lincoln, appreciate ya! 

For those that don't know: Juneteenth is the oldest nationally celebrated commemoration of the ending of slavery in the United States. From its Galveston, Texas origin in 1865, the observance of June 19th as the African American Emancipation Day has spread across the United States and beyond.

Since it's Saturday as well, here's a little video shout out. See what you think of this guy, Canton Jones, he's a contemporary gospel artist and his song Hello Sunshine talks about that feeling after you've come through the storm... kinda like Juneteenth. (see what I did there?) Enjoy...

So raise up your summer cocktail of choice and reflect on the fact that you are most likely not picking cotton, chained to a fence post or plotting your escape to the north. Sorry, I watched some of Roots last night...

Texas Fight? Confessions of an Absentee Alumni

Yeah, yeah - I went to the University of Texas. But rarely will you find me throwing up the longhorn sign or repping the place. My plan involved Stanford but BougieDad opened the mail detailing my full scholarship to Texas and that was that. Texas was exactly what I expected: huge, packed, and a little impersonal. Sure, the education was top-notch but I always felt like I had to figure it all out on my own. In short, I wanted a wee bit more coddling before getting drop-kicked into the cold cruel world. UT- Austin does not coddle. Well, I survived. I finally sort of joined the Alumni association (on Linked In at least) this year. Anyway, once a year I trot out some Longhorn gear and represent.

Today is Texas-OU weekend. It's a 104-year tradition, matching Texas and Oklahoma in a football game called the Red River classic. A whole bunch of folks roll into town, drink a lot, spend tons of money, watch a football game and party some more. I sipped wine, fell asleep early, got up and put on my burnt orange polo shirt. The game is quite sad. At any rate, in honor of my alma mater - Go Horns?!

Dear South Carolina, Keep it Up! Thanks. Love, Texas

No one is happier to see right wing nuttiness run amuck in South Carolina than Texans (maybe Alaskans?). Someone PLEASE take the attention off of our foolishness and shine the spotlight on someone else's buffoonery. Hate it when I have to apologize for my home state. Lord knows, they have done plenty to make me shamed lately (not ashamed, shamed). Thankfully over the course of the summer, South Carolina has stepped up to the plate for me. Good looking out, guys! Keep the crazy coming!

The brilliant folks over at Jack & Jill Politics agree. Last week, they wrote an article on why perhaps South Carolina should secede from the union. Basically, you've got your Mark Sanford nonsense. Not just the creep, creep, creepin': old boy was trying to reject the Obama Dollar$ (Recovery Funds) until his state rose up against him. The junior senator, Jim DeMint, is the brilliant wing nut who said denying Obama on the health care issue would "be his Waterloo." And then of course, there is everyone's new favorite: Joe "You Lie!" Wilson. By the way, his overall lack of repentance is a level of wrong that must be addressed by Congress. There are rules of protocol and etiquette for a reason. Moving on...

Yahoo! agrees; asking the question: What's the matter with South Carolina?
Members of both parties have expressed dismay at the kind of attention Wilson's comment brought to South Carolina - a new embarrassment, some said, on top of an already distressing summer, thanks to the sex scandal that extinguished Sanford's rising star. The state GOP's increasingly caustic tone, some Democrats said, was particularly troubling due to South Carolina's troubled racial history.
South Carolina actually has quite the history of not feeling "the diversity" (Think Strom Thurmond). I would stop and fact check, but aren't they still flying a version of their flag (stupid flag by the way, it's a tree and a moon??!) with the confederate stripes on it? Dixie is not so post-racial, ya'll. Come with us towards the Barack New World Order.

Oh, honorable mention to Alaska, Caribou Barbie and her husband (for now) Todd for leading the nutty, secession talk there as well. I don't suppose you're worried about seceding with Russia in your back yard waiting to take over? Wouldn't that make ya'll the socialists (or communists)? Give a whole new meaning to the term "red state." We see you, Alaska. Keep keepin' on, Texas looks better every day.

So from the Lone Star State to the Palmetto State, we salute you sirs and appreciate an opportunity to come out with something bigger (and dumber)... and you know we will. Sigh, does OneChele need to plan a move back to Cali just to get some sanity (now that's ironic)?

What do you think? Should we just cut off everything south of the Mason-Dixon line and north of Canada? Won't you miss us when we're gone?!

Not so post-racial… Chick-fil-A, Bentley and a racist

Thanks BougieMom for pointing out this bit of local buffoonery…

So apparently getting some Chick-fil-A is so crucial that Bentley-driving folks had to get all scrappy in the drive thru lane. (Sigh) The story from The Dallas Morning News:

Southlake police look for black Bentley after road-rage attack at Chick-fil-A

02:47 PM CDT on Monday, August 17, 2009 By LAURENCE ILIFF / The Dallas Morning News

Southlake police were still searching today for the owner of a late-model Bentley whose passengers were involved in a weekend road-rage incident that injured a woman at a fast-food restaurant.

Police have the vehicle's registration information and expect their investigation to move forward today, said Lt. Ben Brown.

Witnesses said confrontation began with an angry exchange of words in the drive-through lane of a Chick-fil-A in the 2300 block of Southlake Boulevard. There were at least two and possibly three men in the black Bentley.

The Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported that the woman was punched after one of the men slapped her and she slapped him back.

According to the paper, she and her husband found their way blocked by the Bentley as they were trying to leave after making a purchase at the drive-through window.

The husband honked his horn. The driver got out of the Bentley, and the woman got out on the passenger side of her vehicle. A shouting match ensued, and the other men got out of the Bentley and joined in the fracas, the paper said.

One of the men slapped the woman, who slapped him back. She was then knocked to the ground and punched.

The Star-Telegram said the woman's husband tried to get out of his vehicle, but the Bentley driver blocked his way.

As employees and customers tried to intervene, the Bentley sped off.

The woman was bleeding, witnesses said, but did not require hospitalization.

Now first of all, etiquette FAIL! Do not get out of your car at the drive-thru and do NOT engage in stupid slap fights in the parking lot. But my favorite part of the entire tale is that the first comment I see attached to this story reads as follows:

Posted by You Are Wrong less than one minute ago

$1000 says the Bentley occupants are black

What? I read it again. Then I scanned the article again. Okay, we're assuming a black Bentley at a Chick-fil-A equals blackness. Maybe so, but I didn't like the tone. I was curious so I then did a search for all of commenter You Are Wrong's pearls of wisdom over the past few days:

Comment on: Southlake police look for black Bentley after road-rage attack at Chick-fil-A
Posted 8/17/2009 5:18 PM CDT on
$1000 says the Bentley occupants are black

Comment on: Southlake police look for black Bentley after road-rage attack at Chick-fil-A
Posted 8/17/2009 4:25 PM CDT on
@MeInBigD - what part of "85% (or more) of the rapes, robberies, and murders in this area are committed by blacks and latinos" are you having trouble understanding?Don't like the facts...

Comment on: Grand Prairie man arrested after bicyclist found partially lodged in back seat
Posted 8/17/2009 3:54 PM CDT on
a drunk driving mexican? no effin way! how extremely unusual and rare!I am shocked! FLABBERGASTED!!!!

Comment on: Southlake police look for black Bentley after road-rage attack at Chick-fil-A
Posted 8/17/2009 3:47 PM CDT on
"I think I have figured out why this forum--and crime stories in particular--always devolves into a racial attack."Maybe it is because blacks and latinos commit at least 85% (or more)... more >

Comment on: Southlake police look for black Bentley after road-rage attack at Chick-fil-A
Posted 8/17/2009 3:46 PM CDT on
they are obviously black

Comment on: Dallas man fatally stabbed in alley
Posted 8/15/2009 5:33 PM CDT on
so was he black or mexican? so was his killer black or mexican?

Does anyone else see the same pattern I do? So I sent in my complaint to and received an automated reply: Thank you for bringing your concern to our attention. Please allow us the next 48 hours to review this user's account. Thank you for reading

Note: The Dallas Moring News (owned by Belo Corporation) has long been accused of covert racism (sometimes overt). Dallas used to have two newspapers, the conservative Morning News and the more liberal Times Herald. The Times Herald folded years ago leaving us not of the right wing at a severe deficit for "fair and unbiased" reporting. Not necessarily bearing on this article, just giving you some background.

Not satisfied I emailed the writer of the piece and questioned if any one moderates the comments. I got a read receipt back but no reply. When I went back out to the article I noticed that the comments had been removed and in their place was an asterisk reading: This user profile has been removed by One down, umpteenth more to go. Unfortunately, there are many more comments just like this out there. Getting one ignorant racist's profile pulled is a small (hollow) victory that left me feeling like I was trying to empty the ocean with a thimble.

What is it going to take for America to truly embrace a "post-racial" doctrine? And what in the world do you think they were beefing about at Chick-fil-A?

Tough times in Texas, ya’ll

I'm a Texan, born and raised. I don't apologize for it, no matter how many times people expect me to. So what if we hand out the death penalty for jay-walking and hit 100° in May? So what if religion and football sometimes get confused? It's where I'm from and there's no place like home, right?

When they elected GWB to the governorship, I fled to California and did not return for close to ten years. (Actually the two events were not related, but I like to act like they are.) California and Texas have a lot of similarities: they are both huge in population and land mass; the NoCal vs SoCal feud is a carbon copy to the Dallas folks vs. Houston folks battle; and both tend to act that their state is actually a nation unto its self.

However, California was brutally expensive and had a state income tax that was no joke. 1200 square feet in California equals 3000 square feet in the Texas yet the salaries are pretty similar. So I'm back home in Texas. "Why did you go back?" I'm asked repeatedly by my East and West Coast friends. Family and finance were my motivating factors. Most days I'm happy to be back, however; my fellow Texans are making it hard.

Exhibit A: GWB. Nuff said. The fact that he now lives less than 12 miles away from my house makes me a little itchy in the middle of the night sometimes.

Exhibit B: Rick Perry. More concerned with his hair products and political aspirations then the actual health and welfare of his constituents. We've already had to "go override" on him twice for the stimulus dollars. Can you say re-election year, Rick? I know I can.

Exhibit C: John Cornyn – made a complete idiot of himself at the Sotomayor hearings. He should be ashamed… but he's not. Did he really think offending a Hispanic while representing the largest BORDER STATE in the union was a good idea?

Exhibit D: Our sports teams. With the exception of the San Antonio Spurs and the Dallas Stars, Texas has consistently presented the world with high expectations, overhype and under performance for the last decade. I present to you the Rockets, the Astros, the Texans, the Rangers, the Mavericks and last not least, the Cowboys. And DON'T get me started on the owners. I mean it.

Exhibit E: This mess going on in Azle, Texas. Yes, someone actually posted a "No Hispanics Allowed" sign in public.

Exhibit F: This OTHER mess going on in Paris, Texas. Bad enough ya'll still dragging (literally) bruhs up and down the street. You drop the charges and don't expect a protest? The Nation of Islam and New Black Panthers battling Neo-Nazis and the KKK in the streets. I'm so proud.

I could go on, but that's enough for now. It's been a long time since our glory days of J.R. Ewing, Cowboys' SuperBowl wins and Ann Richards (who didn't love Ann?). The best thing I can say about Texas right now is that the cost of living is still great, the ratio of shops & restaurants per capita in the Dallas Area is still the highest in the nation and of course, I'm here.

Hey, if you don't mind overt racism and love a great steak, come on down! I'll buy the first round of mango margaritas! Comment as you like! ;-)

Some days I wish “denial” was a river in Egypt

I will readily admit that most days I go about living my life in a happy and deliberately insulated bubble. Bad things generally happen to other people, crime takes place far, far away from me; and gangs exist in a world that has little to no bearing on mine. Okay stop, I know all three of those statements to be false. I'm bougie, not naïve. It's not that I don't know what's real; more like that I don't want to be slapped in the face with it every second of the day.

But I'm a contradiction: I don't like watching the local news but I will watch the cable news outlets. I don't read my local paper but I follow a ga-zillion news, culture, political, and relationship blogs regularly. I hate hearing about local crime statistics but I watch the hell out of Forensic Files, all the CSIs, and my personal favorite Dominick Dunne: Power, Privilege & Justice (a truTV docudrama recounting snobby, elitist rich folks who can't buy their way out trouble). I recognize the irony in all of this.

A few years back, I watched a reality show on A&E called Dallas S.W.A.T. and was able to suck my teeth and shake my head at the takedowns as long as they happened on the other side of town. The minute they showed a kidnapping/ hostage situation/ gun battle less than ten minutes from my spot… I was done, son. TMI – Too Much Information.

If I thought Dallas S.W.A.T. was bad, I had no idea what was coming for me on the History Channel (THC). Since I work from home, I often catch super-random shows during the day and keep them on in the background for noise. This is the only reason I've watched/heard every episode of Charmed, seen twenty hours of Barbarians, and can recite some episodes of Law & Order in my sleep… verbatim. At any rate, every once and a while, I would catch a show on THC called Gangland. Gangland is a half hour show that profiles the origination, rise and decline (or continuation) of a different gang each episode.

On this particular episode, they were profiling the Aryan Brotherhood of Texas (ABT). As they talked about the origins and spread of the gang, my fingers froze on the keyboard. "When we return, we'll show how the ABT has spread into Dallas suburbs and are recruiting not from prisons but from the boys next door." My head whipped around, say what now? Which suburb? Which boy next door? As we say in the BougieHousehold, "Aw heckie naw!" I ran downstairs to double check that the perimeter motion sensors where still engaged (cuz that'll REALLY stop somebody if they want in) and sprinted back up to my office. Out of breath (I don't do stairs), I sat down to give the program my full attention.

Let me stop for a minute here and share. OneChele cannot watch super-scary things. Horror movies and me have a bad track record going way back to BougieOlderBro taking me to see Night Watch when I was child. Can't do it. I have such a vivid imagination that I literally dream myself into the plots for weeks (months, years) to come. For some reason I can watch violence (Scarface, Godfather) but not scary, horror-type stuff. It comes back in Technicolor brilliance with me as the erstwhile victim. I don't know why, one day I'll ask a $400/hour analyst and get it all ironed out.

Back to Gangland. At this point, common sense should have said Chele, turn it off! Someone was surely redecorating on HGTV and those were nightmares you could live with… but no! I decided I really needed to know. That was the scariest half-hour of television I have seen in a while. These Neo-Nazis are EVERYWHERE and they are not playing. Recruiting, organizing, hellraising and whatnot… around my favorite parts of Dallas. When they got to the part about gangs being like a virus that affect unsuspecting communities, I had to get to Googling.

Okay, seems as if they were really starting to expand and then Katrina happened. A few N'Awlins boyz joined up with some Dallas ruffnecks and the ABT started catching some beatdown. Membership decreased for awhile then Obama took office and they are rising up again. (Haters! No seriously, they HATE him.) So now the New Black Panther Party of Dallas is stepping into the fight. Yeah, I don't feel so much better. Seems to me if you add gun powder to gasoline that explosion will be twice as big when someone lights the fuse. And someone ALWAYS lights the fuse.

Yesterday, I gave my barista (seemingly non-threatening white guy) the squinty side-eye the entire time he whipped up my 2% half-caramel, half-white mocha frappacino with no whip. Last night I dreamed I was racing down the street away from unknown pursuers and BougieMom was in the passenger seat saying, "Floor it, baby- I didn't survive the 60s to go through THIS bullshiggity." I woke up sweaty and exhausted, positive there was a cross burning on the lawn. It's the imagination, ya'll. Equal parts blessing and curse.

My moral to this story is the following question: Is it sometimes better just not to know these things? Or is the best defense a good offense? Forewarned, forearmed? What do you think?

When Black 'n Bougie turns Hot 'n Cranky

Blog people, I'm generally an even-tempered gal. Even when my mood starts sliding up and down the scales, I give the folks around me ample and clear warning; i.e. "You may want to just leave me alone for a minute (or 60)". For the most part, I maintain my bouge cool with dignity. However, when the temperature hits 105° in the shade down here in Texas… I find my pleasing personality starting to slip.

So in case we ever meet and it's over 100° outside, be forewarned - here are a few things that turn a bougie diva's charming smile upside down:

  1. Co-worker: We should NOT discuss our political affiliations. You telling me that the reason my contract is ending a month early is because I voted for Obama is not a good move. At all. Like if I was less bougie and more hoody, you would need to double check your ass in the parking garage this evening.

  2. Ex-boyfriend: You need not call. You are EX for a reason. But okay- when you do call (and they always do); please don't ask me to come and talk to your new girlfriend because she's curious about me. Of course she is and BTW, stop talking about me! For the record, we call this a 'for who, for what' situation. Trust and believe, regardless of how polite I have always been to you; you do NOT want me anywhere near your girl when I'm this cranky… unless you're ready for another ex?

  3. Starbucks worker: How hard is it to seal the lid on my iced caramel white mocha? Do I look pleased that half of a $5.00 drink is now all over my lovely linen two-piece outfit? No, I do not. Place, click and wait for the snap BEFORE you hand me the drink. Yes, I know you are sorry. Sorry enough to pay my dry cleaning bill?

  4. FedEx guy: It is SO not my fault that you "misplaced" my package yesterday. So why must I be punished by you ringing my doorbell at 7:00am? This is what BougieMom calls "a day late and a dollar short". I am not a morning person and it was already hell-like hot outside so no, I don't feel bad for giving you the side-eye when you felt the need to tell me how nice my robe was. Yes it's silk and why are you looking?

  5. Sam's Club: Epic Fail running out of the 36-pack of 16 oz Ozarka Spring Water today. Double Fail hiking up the Vitamin Water price by a $1.50. Yes I noticed and yes, I'll wait right here for the manager to explain how the value of flavored water went up 8.7% in a week. Hmm? You have an in-store coupon? I appreciate that, really I do.

  6. Valet guy at the Mexican spot for lunch: The purpose of valet is so that bougie folks such as myself do not have to stand in the elements sweating up their coffee-stained linen. The octogenarian who came out after to me walked to her car and was halfway home before you brought my car around. Your $1.00 tip was out of pity not appreciation; no one should have to work outside today.

  7. 7-11: All a sister wanted was a cherry and Coke swirled Slurpee. The Coke was working fine; the cherry was sputtering all over the place and basically just spit cherry syrup at me. Yes, the red stain makes a perfect complement to the coffee stain. Adding injury to insult, I slipped in the syrup, banged my knee and said syrup stained my canvas slingback espadrilles. All around wardrobe fail today. That which was trendy at 9:00am is tired before 2:00.

  8. Money-Grubbin' Power Company: Seriously? Grid-overload at 3:00 pm? A crew is on the way? What is that going to cost me? It's been over 100° for 6 days in a row; did no one anticipate a million air conditioners running simultaneously?

Oh, don't mind my rant. This was clearly a day when I should have knocked the alarm off the bedside table and stayed in bed. Or sat in a pool with oiled-up cabana boys bringing me mango mojitos every half-hour. Instead, I'm hot, thirsty, stained and decidedly cranky. And the day's not over yet.

Ever have one of those days? Did someone do/say something to you today that just rubbed the wrong way? I would ask how many of you live somewhere that gets crazy hot in the summer but thanks to global warming/El Niño, unless you live on an Arctic Ice Cap, the answer is yes.