ITOFTS: When keeping it #Scandal goes wrong

*ITOFTS = I'm too old for this shiggity! And if you haven't watched last night's Scandal, quit reading!!

1:37am phone rings. I think I'm dreaming so I turn over.

1:39am phone rings again. I drank one glass of wine too many during #Scandal so I was in a deep, sound (there might have been snoring) sleep. Plus, the temperature dropped from seventy to thirty something so I was hibernating under the covers like a bear in winter time. By the time I got one hand free, the phone stopped ringing.

1:41am phone ring one mo' good time. Dammit. It MUST be an emergency, right? I yank it off the charger, press the ON button and mutter, "What?"

"So if I bought you a house would you come back?" Apparently, Dude had watched this:


I don't even open an eye. "Who is this?" I knew but I was testy.

"You know who it is. If I bought a house where you wanted and fixed it up exactly how you wanted, would that work?"

"Work for what?"

"Would that be what you need to see to come back, give me another shot?"

"You think you know me well enough to buy me the exact house of my dreams or might you assume, as you've done on other occasions, that you know better and do the exact wrong damn thing? And after I accept the house, I'm supposed to live there with you and suddenly we'll just live happily ever after like a damn fairy tale? I'm not Cinderella, you're no Prince Charming."

"I woke you up huh."


"But if I got it right and it wasn't 2 in the morning, would it work?"

"Was that your first episode of Scandal?"

"Yes. But that stuff he said about the dream was deep."

"And fiction. Dreams are dreams. Let me say this, you're no Fitz and I'm no Olivia. We don't have that climb every mountain, cross every sea kinda love. I don't embrace drama and I don't think love has to be crazy to be real. So... No. A house wouldn't work."

"I'm downloading Season One."

"Happy watching." CLICK. Flung phone across room mumbling, "Trifling Negreaux watches one episode of Scandal and thinks he's unlocked the secrets of the female psyche. Jesus be some sense and some call block." I was back to sleep as soon as I turned over.

My life, your entertainment. Say it with me now: I'm too old for this shiggity.