What if #Scandal was real and Olivia Pope was your best friend?

Liv, let me chit and chat witchu for a second, girl...
"What if Scandal was real and Olivia Pope was your best friend? What would you do?"

This was a question posed to me via email by an angry reader who presumed that me loving the show was the equivalent of me cosigning the foolery there within. The reader thought I was an advocate of the blatant shenaniganism that goes on Thursday at 9pm central on ABC (if we're lucky). I have to tell you that I was GIDDY to get this question. Like hop out of my chair, moonwalk sideways, ask Annie if she's okay, hit a prep two times and end with my middle aged version of a twerk happy. (And that's damn happy ya'll)

Why was I so happy? Because I get to reiterate for the eleventieth zillion time - this ish is FICTION!! I love it because of its purely escapist, ratchet-ass, over-the-top-dramatical goodness. Though there are moments that ring true like a zinger to my heart when they hit on a single, successful sister girl struggle; for the most part I can eat my popcorn and sip my wine shaking my head with a "whew! glad it's not me" gleefulness.

But to directly answer the question, if Scandal was real and Olivia Pope was my girl, here's what I'd do:

1) Move to Guyana, the place of my father's birth. President Fitz is glorious to look at and delivers that one word, "Hi." in the best thigh-quivering way ever but Ghostie has daddy issues, invisible children, a shrew of a wife and a closeness to Scotch bottles that makes me nervous for the sake of our great nation.

2) Take Liv on vacay. Girlie needs a no-strings "Stella groove" sun and rum-soaked week to the Caribbean in the worst damn way. She is way overdue for a whole lotta woo-sah. And I'd invite her mama along because I want to see wherefore Livvie comes from. 

3) Drag Harrison into the closest electrical closet and have my wicked way with him before telling him that no matter how damn fine he is or fast he talks? Gingham shirts and striped ties together are doing too much. 

4) Remind Liv that love is not supposed to be this damn hard. And to please stop looking for it in all the wrong places.

5) Give Abby a hug, hire Huck and Quinn to handle the rest of those pesky Al-Qaida

6) Setup Mellie and Edison on a date. That would be an intriguing power couple.

7) Recruit Cyrus and David to full-time gladiator status. 

8) Put Hollis in jail (for so many reasons). 

9) Dig Verna up, slap her around and then re-bury her without the pomp and circumstance.

10) Disappear Jake. I don't what his reasons are - luring someone you've been spying on to your bed is uber-creepy. Uber. 

And last but not least - Initiate an Olivia Pope and Associates Bible Study with room for friends and fam... cuz they all need Jesus.

Anything else? If Olivia was your homegirl - what would you do?