No thank you, I don't want "next"

I'm not sure why, but I was watching Chad Johnson's (also known as Ochocinco) Twitter the other day and I was amazed but not amused at the sheer volume of women throwing their virtual drawers at him. I mean these chicks had zero chill. Zee-Roh. Even after 10 other chicks propositioned dude, 10 more stepped up to bat. And that was just in the few minutes I watched in shock and awe. 

What is up with that level of parchedassness? Please refresh your memory of the thirst scale below:

These chicks were beyond the Parched cup. I'm not knocking Chad. (Okay, maybe I am a little bit) But this dude has how many baby mommas and kids and former fiances? Isn't he on parole for allegedly whipping that one chick's ass? Wasn't he up on some TV show bemoaning his unemployed state? I get that he's a (former?) athlete and many find him attractive but really? What's the golden prize end game there? You can be next? Or maybe you'll be the one who finally claims and tames him? Okaayyy.... and then what happens? Iyanla can't fix ev'body.

Is there something sexy about taming and claiming the untameable bad boy? How do you look at that and say... Oooo -that's a catch? That's a mountain I've got to climb? Or am I missing something? Groupie mentality perhaps?

Like that rapper Shawty Whozywhatsit who has seventy-eleven kids? I simply do not understand how you meet a man who already has a basketball team's worth of children and decide that you want to not only date him but bear the backup benchwarmers as well? I mean, I'll give you two. But who is signing up to be baby momma numbers 3 through however many? 

Who wants that? What's that life like?

And it's not just thirsty chicks killing the game. I'm sorry, I know many of you are fans of that Kardash chick. I do not understand guys following her on Twitter telling Ye - "Yo, I got next." Really. This happened. I can't even joke about it. Okay, yes I can - who does this? 

It's not that I expect people to come to relationships brand new and re-virginized. It's not that I'm judging people for having an "active" "colorful" "checkered" "event-filled" past. In no way slut-shaming (I hate that word, by the way), I'm just wondering about the motivation to be next in line for someone who comes with a steamer trunk full of baggage. Relationships are hard enough to keep afloat when you're travelling light.

So I'm asking - how much of a past is too much of a past to get over? Is there some sort of challenge to being one of the chosen? Can someone just explain it to me so it makes sense? Let's talk about it...