Once more for those who haven't let this sink in: Mother Maya tells us "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." Put it on a post-it note, etch it on your mirror, lock it and load it.
Our letter from a 31 year old lady in Silver Springs, MD.
Hey Chele,
Love the blog. I think I know what you're going to say but I want to ask anyway. I've been living with this guy for six years and I really want to get married. I've been telling his this for the past four years. His answer is always the same. "I'm sorry, I love you but I'm not ready." Over Thanksgiving, I brought it up again and he said when he was ready to talk about it, he would bring it up. And I asked what if that wasn't enough for me. He said, "You gotta do what you gotta do."
So now I'm backed into a corner right? Does this mean he's never going to marry me? I really love him and I don't want to throw what we have away. What what you do?A Sister in Silver Springs.
Hey Sister,
I feel like I answered this letter before. But even if I did, I guess it's worth saying again:
If you want to get married sometime this decade, you may want to pack your ish and go. For reals. I don't know what you heard but what your man said was: I'm not marrying you, if you don't like it, you can bounce. he added in the "I love you" to soften the blow.
Please ask yourself - what's so great about him, what do you love that you don't think you can find elsewhere or is it really a case of not wanting to start over with someone new? Which I get. I totally get there. Starting over is freaking exhausting and irritating and sometimes you'd rather cut your wrist slowly with a dull butter knife rather than go out on another damn first date... oh. Wait. I'm projecting. Back to you...
It's been six years, Sis. He ain't broken out the ring yet. I'm not saying it's not going to happen, I'm saying what's his incentive to do so? You keep hanging in no matter what. If you want to get married, you have to state it plain. He comes back with the yada-bull-yada, you have to be ready to walk or be ready to live without the Mrs. in front of your name. Simple to say, hard to do.
Good luck and tell us how it works out... though I suspect we know.
BougieLand, advice for Sister? Fellas - if he's six years in with no ring, is he running to Kay Jewelers for the solitaire or no? Do share...