Adventures in Dating aka Why Dating Over 40 is Some BULLSHIGGITY

a guest post by @Reads4Pleasure... enjoy!

So there's this STL Twitter dude I've been chatting with for awhile.  No offline convos or anything, just good natured ribbing on Twitter.  He's been asking to meet me for the last few weeks, even though I already knew there was no love connection, but am I going to miss a chance to eat Miss Robbie's fried chicken? Hell to the naw.  So we were supposed to meet at Upper Crust (her new location) at 5:30.  He calls a little after 5 to say he's running late & can we do 6.  Fine, I stopped off at the library and wasted time.  I get to the place at 6, don't see him, so I park it on a bench & wait.  Ten minutes after I've been sitting there, I log onto Twitter & see he's checked in on Foursquare.  I take a walk around and he's in the bar chilling.  I introduce myself and first thing I notice is, this negroach who never smiles in any of his avis is missing a tooth. Not just any tooth but a top front tooth.  Now I don't know if y'all know, but I have a thing about teeth.  I like them to be straight (as much as possible), white (non-negotiable) and all there.

I was momentarily stunned, but figured I'd make the best of it.  We get in line, me first, I order my food (wings, mac & cheese & corn).  He orders smothered chicken, okra, mac & cheese, mashed potatoes & gravy and peach cobbler.  All I could think was, thank God he doesn't need a front tooth to eat, or he'd be in real trouble.  Anyway, the cashier asks if they were going to be together and he loudly says separate.  So I'm like, oh, ok.  Good thing I carried cash and had my debit card.

We sit down to eat and he goes into interview mode asking about my daughter, my family, job, etc.  Mind you, he's a radio DJ, so he has a great voice, but again, I was so distracted by the tooth that I could barely eat.  The whole time I was talking my eyes were flitting around the room trying to focus on everything but him.  And then, this negroach started belching.  Like I know he'd had two beers and was getting his eat on, but who does that???  Ok, fine. Say the first one slipped out, but a second one?? And he didn't bother to say excuse me not nary a time. NOT NARY!  I did manage to get in a few questions and found out that in addition to being a fill-in DJ, he hosts a trivia night at a restaurant, handles another restaurant's social media presence, and has a roommate.  God shoot me if I ever find myself with a roommate at the age of 50.

Y'all, I was so fugging outdone.  It took all I had to keep my composure.  I kept glancing at my watch wondering how much longer I've have to endure his foolishness when dude stated that he had to get moving if he wanted to catch the next bus.  Now y'all have been here. St. Louis is not like Chicago or New York.  We have public transportation, but St. Louis is generally a driving city.  I don't know if I was supposed to ask if he wanted a ride to the bus stop, but it didn't matter because he said he needed to use the bathroom before he "made that hike," so I broke the hell up out of there.  I couldn't even pull out of my parking spot before he'd tweeted about having dinner with me. No sir! Don't taint my name in these streets like that!

I get home and I'm still thinking about that damn tooth.  I come in the door with my library bag, work bag and purse, in addition to my food, because all I ate during that meal was one wing.  Max (the cat) is trying to escape, but I thought I'd pushed him back in the house with my bags.  So I shut the door, go put my food in the refrigerator, walk back across the living room and hear this scraping and crying at my door.  This jackass has escaped and gotten locked out.  He was out there acting like I'd put him out instead of him running away.  After my crappy ass "date," that made me cackle.

And this, ladies, is why I've officially given up on dating.
Okay BougieLand, what say you? I say... 1) We won't allow the giving up. 2) The tooth thing is hard to get past. 3) It's rough out here for real though... Anyone else have a meetup with a social media/online friend who turned out not to be "as advertised"? Do share...