No Country for Sorry-Ass Excuses - Top Five

Earlier this week, one of the commenters shared that she found her man swirling cocoa with another woman all up in her apartment and the best he could come with was... "It's not what you think" - really, sir? That prompted me to share the top five lamest-assed excuses I've ever heard from people. Read them and weep.

1. "I did this for you" - Upon discovering that my boyfriend was hitting on my best friend and roommate, his explanation was that he wanted to be sure our relationship could withstand anything. Ri-ight. So calling my girl and leaving explicit messages (that he was in no way able to back up) on her machine where the whole house could hear them was his way of doing me a favor? In retrospect, he really did. I was done.

2. "You know the devil is busy" - This was the excuse I got when I found out that a friend of mine was a pathological liar. Like not nary one thing she said to me in an 18-month time span was true or based on anything like the truth. Lucifer is in these streets wreaking havoc, that's true. But old girl was just on a whole other level with it. You know what though? It was kind of diabolical.

3. "I might have misunderstand the parameters of our relationship" - Ah, the intellectual's excuse for why another woman's laundry was mixed in with his. I made sure to make clear the new parameters: I'm going over there, you stay right here. Next.

4. "I know what you thought you heard" - Riding in the car with this dude. His cell phone rings. He miscalculates the distance that sound travels and assumes I can't hear word for word what some random chick is saying to him. After her third explicit comment about what she could do for him if only he wasn't wasting his time with me, I suggested (loudly) that he turn said car around and take me home forth with. Huge (GIGANTIC) fight followed. It was the beginning of the end.

And my all time favorite...
5. "I can explain" - This appears to be a catch-all no matter what ratchety foolishness the other person has been up to. What I love about this one is that frequently, there really is no valid explanation. All the person can (and should) really do is hang their head, say "I'm sorry, please forgive me" and keep it pushing. And yet, they feel compelled to pull some flavor of explanation together. 

BougieLand, doncha love these?! Any more for the list? Have you heard/used/ignored a few of these in the past? Lamest explanations for ratchet-assed behavior... whatcha got?