Normally, I turn the sound off on my phone and Kindle Fire when I plug them in for the night. If it's that big of an emergency and you don't have my home number? I'll holla at ya in the morning. But for some reason (mayhaps the 3/4s a bottle of sparkling shiraz I swigged?) last night, I forgot. So at 2:13am when both the Kindle and the Android started beeping and buzzing in sync every ten minutes, I knew something was up. I glanced at the cell and saw it was a series of emails coming in from a BougieLand reader and friend. After verifying that the person wasn't dead, dying or incarcerated, I fell back to sleep.
I present this story to you edited and reduced for blog size:
Chele,You will never, ever believe the shiggity I went through this evening. I told you about the new guy I've been seeing? Well, this was our first Valentine's Day of course and despite you warning about not making it into a big deal, I kinda made it a big deal. He sent flowers and brought a cookie bouquet. Tonight we went out to Pappadeaux.
We ordered drinks and appetizers and then he said he was going to step outside for a second to call his mom. He's really close to his mother so I thought it was sweet that he was calling his Mom on Valentine's Day. Anyway, it took him a while to come back and he said she was having a bad night. I asked him if he wanted to leave but he said no, he would just check on her a few more times.
The third time he left the table to call her, the waitress asked me if I had any idea what was going on. Confused, I looked at her and said no. She said, "Your man double-booked you on Valentine's Day." I was like, huh? She said every time he left the table, he ran across the parking lot to the P.F.Chang's. She was like, "Either he's really hungry or he's trying to run two dates at once... on Valentine's Day." She set my Mahi Alexander down in front of me and walked off shaking her head.
You once said in situations like these there's a class move, a ratchet move and what you wish you had done. So I sat there thinking WWCD (What Would Chele Do) and then I called the waitress back. I paid for the meal and had her wrap it up to go. I walked across the parking lot, into P.F.Changs and found his table. The look on his face when he saw me walking up - priceless! I slid into the booth next to the other girl and told her. "You know he's out on a date with both of us right now?" I held up the bag. "I was over at Pappadeaux waiting for him to finish talking to his mother."
"He told me he was talking to his mom too!" She said. We both looked at this fool. He's looking at us like trying to figure out how he's going to get out of this. I said, "I rode with him so I assume you met him here?" She said yes and I asked her for a ride home. We bounced while he begged her and then me and then her to give him a minute to explain. On the way to my house we figured out he's been dating both of us "exclusively" for over four months. I invited her in and we sat and ate the Pappadeaux food like we were best friends.
Best part of the night - Dude starts texting us not knowing that we are together. He's sending her a line, "Baby you're the only one for me, this is all a misunderstanding." And then sending the same exact thing to me. We weren't replying. He escalated sending e-cards (to both of us) and a Dwele song (to both of us) before going completely ratchet and sending the obligatory "You're going to miss this" peen pic (to BOTH of us). THEN he shows up on my doorstep an hour later (she and I were watching Waiting to Exhale) and starts banging on my door. But he's calling out her name. I swung up the door. "Do you even know which of us is which?" He stumbled and mumbled upon seeing both of us there before he turned and walked away.
Oh, turns out he got us the exact same flowers and cookies too. What was there a 2-for-1 discount at Scumbag Valentine's R Us?
I don't need any advice, I'm so done. Lost a man but gained a friend. She and I are going to hang out next weekend. My question to you and BougieLand is: WDDDA?
~A Bougie Friend
Well Bougie Friend -
Wow. Just. Wow. Okay maybe he didn't realize both of you thought your relationships were exclusive? No, I can't even pull that one together. I write fiction and I couldn't script that. uberRatchet. By the way, I'm not sure I would have done all that. I might have called a friend to come get me and rolled out. Then again, I might have done exactly this. Depending on my drink situation, I might have caused a minor scene. Then again, I know exactly where that Pappadeaux/PF Changs restaurant grouping is and I frequent them often so... Well played.
BougieLand, what part of the game.... People still try and double book? On a night like Valentine's Day? What would you have done if you were her or the other her or him even? Do share...