Bougie Confession Time - having worked in HR for so long, I have a tendency to make snap judgments about people. I label them and put them in whatever category I see fit. Many, many times I've had to pull them off shelf A and moved them to shelf J with an asterisk and a post-it note. One person I thought was funny, engaging and a friend turned out to be sneaky, wily and a foe. One person I thought was shallow and bland turned out to be shy and funny as hell once you got to know them. So I never 100% let on what I think about someone until I've known them for a while. And even then... I tend to keep my thoughts to myself.
Sometimes it takes a little time to see the real person rather than the person they are trying so hard to show you. That's why shows on @DiscoveryID like "Who the Bleep Did I Marry?" and "The Nightmare Next Door" are so frightening - you think you know somebody...
So imagine my surprise when I caught up with a friend of mine from our college days. If asked, I would have said that I thought she knew me fairly well. Catching up with her on the phone this week, I realize she did not know me at all. Granted, I've changed a bit since college but I think at my core, fundamentally - I'm still me.
She mentioned something about me being more studious than fun-loving and a stickler for the rules. She thought of me as old-fashioned and not the most spontaneous person in the world. Hmm. Like most people, I'm old-fashioned in some aspects and forward-thinking in others. I can only assume that by old-fashioned she was referring to the fact that I didn't have a 'Now Serving' sign by the bed?
I like to laugh, I'll make situations that are uncomfortable easier by infusing humor. I spent a good bit of my college years tee-heeing when I should have been doing other things. I had no idea what kind of rules she was positive I stuck to... unless by rules she meant city, state and federal laws? I thought about asking her where those perceptions came from. I thought about telling her things about me to change her mind. And then I decided it just wasn't that important in the overall scheme of things.
Anyway, the whole conversation sent me to a reflective place. And I wondered how many people know the "Real Me" as opposed to the me that they think I am. If I had to make up a survey about myself, what would I even ask? How hard is it to deduce that I love all things purple, I have affection for chocolate, shoes, fruity wine and tropical beaches? But what about a few layers deeper? Who could answer questions about that Michele?
And then I wondered if this is something I really need to know. Suppose people that I think know me don't and people that I'm sure don't know me at all hit it right on the head? Therein lies drama. Anyone who has ever taken a "How well do we know each other?" Cosmo quiz with their s/o knows that path is fraught with danger.
I think I'll just assume that the people that I want to know me... know me well enough and if not they will surely figure it out in due time. The rest I'll leave alone.
BougieLand, how well do you think your friends and loved ones really know you? How important is it to you? And what , if anything, would you do to change their perception? How well do you think you know those closest to you? Thoughts, comments, insights?