We have reached post number nine hundred (900!!!) on BnB. *throws confetti* In celebration, let's read the first Ask a Bougie Chick letter of the year...
Cue Bob Marley's epic Is This Love? for this one. We've got a 30-year old gentleman in Tracy, CA (eastern suburb of the San Fran Bay Area) who wants our opinion. Without further ado, Rodney's letter:
Love the blog! Found it from Three Ways to Take It and lurk regularly. I just turned 30 and I've been dating a woman (Tonia) exclusively for a little over a year now. We get along well, have a great time together. She's easy to be with and she gets me. We laugh a lot, spend most of our free time together. Over the holidays we met each other's families and that went well.
At this point you are probably wondering why I'm writing to you since it's all good. Well I'm curious to hear your thoughts about something.
From around the third month that we were together, Tonia started telling me that she loved me. I told her I wasn't there yet and she said she would rather I didn't say it if I wasn't sure I meant it. Now here we are over half a year later and I still haven't said it. I don't know if I feel it. I'm not sure I would mean it. I like her a lot and I don't want to lose her but is that love?
Basically Chele & Bougieland, how do I know?-Rodney
Hi Rodney! I have to admit my first thought was to send you a side-eye for the ages. But then when I thought about it... if you don't know, why not ask? Better that than to say it and not mean it. It's actually an excellent question. How do you know if you're just really comfortable with her and don't want to lose that or if it's love?
Let me give my shoe analogy first. I have shoes that are comfortable and shoes that I love whether they are comfortable or not. Like I would cry if I didn't have that shoe. I will wear that shoe until it falls off my foot, that's how much I love it. No? Not a good analogy? Don't understand what it is with women and shoes? Okay then. How about this:
Do you not want to lose her because you don't want to be alone or because you would actually miss having her in your life? Fast forward your life six months, two years, ten years ahead - do you see her by your side? What were you thinking when you took her home to meet your family? Do you feel your life is enhanced with her in it? Marinate on these things and I bet the answer will come to you.
BougieLand, what say you? How's Rodney to know if Tonia's Mrs. Right or Mrs. Right Now? How do you differentiate between love and comfort/convenience? Do share...