A week or so ago, David's friend Shawn (okay, I claim him too) stormed into Jayme's house clearly furious, flummoxed and frustrated. He got a drink and then started pacing back in forth in front of the counter where the snacks were placed thereby making the rest of us furious, flummoxed and frustrated as well. Mr. Shawn is the type who has to build up to his disclosures in his own way. If you try and force him to talk before he's ready, he shuts down. So we moved the snacks and let him stew for a little while.
Finally, he slammed his drink down on the counter and points a finger over to where Jayme, Annette and I are hovered over the guacamole. "This chick has put a 90-day padlock on the punanny. A time release lockbox. Who does that after the age of 30? Seriously, who does that?"
He continued, "What is the point of a b.s. rule like that when she is doing just about everything else? This chick has been naked, wide open on my bed doing-"
"Okay!" Jayme put her hand up. "Let's keep the details hazy. Let's pretend we're back in high school and say she's covered first, second and third base..." Shawn made a rolling motion with his hands, "third base plus some additional real estate and is just not letting you slide into home?"
"Is she a virgin?" Wes asked.
"Most assuredly not." Shawn answered.
"Wait, so she's letting you uh, taste the cocoa but not stir it?" Jay asked.
"And she's uh, licking the spoon?" Jay followed up.
"That's some high school college shiggity right there." JohnK said.
"Well what does she say?" I asked.
"She said she does not sleep with men without knowing them for ninety days because she doesn't want to make that kind of investment unless there's something real there." Shawn made the air quotes around "real".
Trey asked. "Women still have those rules? I thought they went out with the old millennium."
"Nope. They still have them." David shot me a look. So now all eyes were on me.
"Okay, wait a minute. I do have a 90-day No Cocoa rule but 1) I'm not a tease about it and 2) It's not a hard and fast rule." In other words, I've broken that rule under... duress.
Owen shook his head. "No, it sounds slow and soft... and dry if we're really getting down to the nitty gritty."
Jayme rolled her eyes. "Some women want to hold off on physical intimacy until the emotional connection is there."
"I just like to know a guy mentally before I know him biblically." I shrugged.
"I thought that was rule was for three dates." Jay said.
"Whatever the time limit," I said, "it's not supposed to be just to torture the guy. However, in this case she appears to be doing a whole lot. If you get into bed naked with a guy and then pull up at the last minute, that's just rude."
Shawn said, "It goes beyond rude. It's immature and another term that I'll hold off on using."
JohnK said, "If she really wanted to keep the physical and emotional intimacy aligned, she wouldn't be dropping drawers and then snatching them up like she is. It's a power thing. She wants to keep you hungry so she's making all the rules."
Shawn added. "It's too bad because before she started playing all these silly-assed games, I kinda liked her."
Joy asked. 'Wait, so you don't like her any more? Are you just hanging in to get the cocoa and then you're done?"
He looked uncomfortable. "I wouldn't say that per se..."
Jay took up for his boy. "Isn't she kind of setting herself up for this? I'll bet she's got a string of 91 or 92 day relationships in her past."
This sparked a discussion amongst the men about how women play games with the hot & bubbly and really need to quit all of that. Then they remembered that we were standing right there and got quiet.
Annette, who is always the quiet soft-spoken one said. "I'd call her ass on it. She may want to keep you hungry but there are plenty of other women who will feed you without all the drama. I'm not saying tell her to put up or shut up, I'm just saying you need to ask her what's the point of holding onto the vajayjay when she's giving up everything else? Like something magical goes down between day 89 and 90? I mean, when it's right, it's right. Nine days, 30 days, six months, whatever."
"Six months!" Most of the men said in unison. And then the conversation took another turn.
BougieLand, what do we think of cocoa time release rules? Ladies, fellas? Do you believe in them? Practice them? Who is a three-date all systems go person? And in this specific case - is girlie doing too much? Is she setting herself up to be dumped on day 91? Thoughts, comments, insights?