Before we dive into today's cauldron, if you never read my post "Who's the Rabbit?" feel free to take a looky-loo now. It's pertinent to today's discussion. Then come on back. Today we have a letter from a man we'll call Z. He shares the following scenario:
Hey Michele,I've got a question for you and the rest of bougieland based on some recent conversations (ok, arguments) I've had. Without going into too much detail, here's the situation: "A friend" is dating a young lady and they both love each other...very, very much. No ifs, ands, or buts. The problem...uh, issue...is that she feels like she pursued him in the beginning which does not fit in with her image of herself and the idea that in a "typical" scenario, the guy pursues the girl, not the other way around. Because of this, she's questioning the relationship and whether it would have happened had she not pursued. You with me? That's the background.
Here's the question(s): How important is it for women to feel pursued? Aren't there times when women see a guy, then put themselves in a position to be pursued? Is that different? How much does being pursued play into a woman's self image? If, after a woman expresses initial interest (on a couple/few occasions), the guy starts the pursuit, does that somehow diminish the relationship?
Obviously, I know the answer will be different for every person, but at this point, any insights that can help "my friend" make sense of things and make things right so that the relationship can keep progressing, would be greatly appreciated.Thanks.
You're welcome! Most of these questions were answered in my rabbit post but there are a few things I want to point out. Sure, it's great to be the one pursued. But in the end, if you're both where you want to be - why ruin it by dwelling on how you got there?
I don't think the relationship is diminished unless there was some stalkerish-Fatal-Attraction-type chase and capture going on. So the woman may have put herself in the path to be "discovered" by the man... that's just good use of feminine wiles. As long as once woman attracts man's attention, he goes all in - it matters not a wit. Let's not let ego and chaseology (yes, I made it up) scotch up a good thing.
And I'm sorry to add this part on (but it's true) sometimes fellas can be... um... unfocused. If a woman helps him to focus in on her and he likes what he sees... again, that's just being helpful. If they are both happy in the end, so be it.
We're in the midst of about twelve BougieLand hook-ups (that I'm aware of) right about now . Half of those are because the bougie chick spied bougie bruh and tapped old boy on the shoulder to say what's up. No one seems to be complaining. But let me put it to the people...