Bougie Bachelor Chronicles - Episode 2: Not A but B

Truthfully, I'm tempted to rename this series The Trials of Trey - The Intersection of Trouble, Terrible Taste and Testosterone but it would be hard to fit in the blog title space. Here's our hapless hero back again with a dating story to share. Without further ado (just a wee bit of editing by yours truly)...

This one really wasn't my fault. Maybe a little bit but not really. It started at this sushi spot. Chele was making conversation with two women when 3N and I walked in. They were leaving but we made small talk for a little while. Both ladies were nice looking, articulate, employed. Mistress d'Bougie pulled me on the side and indicated that I should ask girl A (we'll call her Anne) out. However, girl B (we'll call her Bettina) seemed to be more of a "total package" woman to me. I asked Bettina for her phone number and the ladies left.

Bettina and I talked a few times during the week, sent a few tests back and forth, it was all good. She was 32, worked for a tech company, had her own condo, moved down to Texas from Chicago a few years ago, likes True Blood and Jason Statham movies. Nice, right?  I asked her out for dinner, she agreed. When I picked her up Saturday evening, she looked amazing. Not good, a-maz-ing. We get to the spot, order cocktails, the conversation is going and she's giving me the look that says the night could be epic. At this point it's all sexy.

Sometime in the middle of dinner right around her third drink she just started rapping. Like using her fork as a mike and dropping rhymes. Not someone else's rhymes, some nonsense she had made up. When I asked her what she was doing, she said she felt so comfortable with me that she just wanted to be her true self. Her true self wants to quit her corporate gig and try her luck in the rap game. She already has a few songs and beats ready to go. One of them she wanted to share. It was called... wait for it...

Straight outta Plano.

I don't know what many of you know of Plano. It's a northern suburb of Dallas. There are two blocks in East Plano that give one pause but the rest of Plano is Pleasantville. Soccer moms, block parties and corporate headquarters of companies like Dr. Pepper, JC Penney, Capital One Finance and Ericcson. It's not hood. It's not gangsta.

Maybe that's why she took to rhyming Plano with Drano. What is it Chele inserts right about now?


I didn't even know what to do next. What do you do? (Fellas, what would you do?) All I could do was nod and say "Wow, that's a truly unique aspiration." and hope she didn't fire off more lyrics. I called for the check and got this for my troubles:

"Trey, why we leavin'
I ain't tryna be deceivin'
Kinda hoped you and I
could spend the night interweavin'
Ya feel me?"

And. She. Was. Loud. No, I wasn't feeling her. Interweavin'? I tried to get Chele to tell me what bougie protocol is for leaving your date but she was too busy laughing at me. I drove old girl home (dropped curbside) and headed for the lika sto. (Yes, I said Lika Sto) What were Chele's words of wisdom when she caught her breath? "When I tell you to pick A and you pick B, what do you want me to do?"

Booo. Could a brother get some sympathy? How was I to know she had a L'il Kim fantasy tucked away? Come on now. Onto the next. 

I'm Trey. It's been real. It's been fun. But not real fun. *drops mic*

People, I told Trey to pick Miss Anne for a reason. Anne wasn't as "flashy" as Bettina. She was pretty but not in your face it. Bettina was a little fancy for me. Anne's conversation game was varied and insightful. Bettina could talk but she talked about music, fashion and entertainment. Plus, Anne was giving me the "solid sistah" vibe, do you know what I'm talking about? Bettina was giving me the "I'm all that and recognize" vibe. Here's was I do know: some folks gotta learn the hard way. Any words of wisdom, support, commiseration for Trey? The floor is yours...