Today we have a letter from Foxy who is struggling not only with the stresses of a long-distance relationship but a whole host of other issues as well. Yet she really wants this relationship to work. Take a look...
Dear OneChele and BougieLand,
I am 28 years old and I had a lot of instability early in my life. I am at a point where I am ready to settle down and build a life with someone. I know that means I gotta get my ish together. I’m in counseling working on things from my past, getting my 401(k) and pension together, keeping the credit clean, and tying up all the loose ends so the past stays the past.
Last year, I started dating someone six years my senior. We are long distance but determined to make it work. She is in the closet. I am not. Coming out is a process. I got that. Not everyone in my life knows and most of the people I work with don’t know, but I make no apologies for who I am. What hurts the most is the denial of our relationship. Even if we were hanging out with her friends that know she is bi, if I called her baby it was a big thing.
Spiritually, we are in different places. I don’t think I am going to hell for being gay. She does. Socially, we are opposites. I like to go out and have friends. Her friends damn near have to beg her to hang out. I love to travel and keep my passport on me at all times. She is afraid to fly. My mother stays out of my life. Her mother runs her life.
Don’t get me wrong, we have a lot in common. We love art and music. We both love to read. We write. We have a shared past. We both know the pain of having distant fathers and the emptiness of not knowing half of your family. We click. We have sizzle. But is that enough? Can love truly conquer all? Are our differences too big to be overcome? Am I holding on to what could be rather than seeing what is?
Foxy - This is a lot. The in the closet/out the closet issue is huge. The spirituality is huge. The divergent views on life and familial interference are no small obstacles to climb either. Broken down, sounds like you (although younger) are ready to be true to your authentic self while she isn't there yet. So how badly do you want it and is it really worth it to you in the long run? To answer your question - unfortunately love doesn't conquer all, but it sure helps a hell of a lot.
BougieLand, what do you think Foxy should do? Hold on to the dream or let it go? Thoughts, comments, insights?