After my last Bougie Bachelorette Chronicle, I'm taking a break from blogging my own relationship adventures. I'll be soliciting some of you all to share your stories. Today, Trey Charles (also known as @AnotherWord43) has agreed to tell his story. Show him some love, won't you?
Stop. Wait a minute. I didn't say I'm dating Goldilocks. I'm an equal opportunity dater with a strong preference for #TeamSistaGirl. I said I'm dating like Goldilocks. Lemme 'splain.
I just turned 35. I'm degreed, employed, a homeowner and mighty fine to look at if I do say so myself. And I do. I was in a long relationship, about seven years but our careers took us to opposite sides of the country and neither of us made the effort to keep the relationship in tact after our moves. I know, that bears more scrutiny but not right now. Lately my dating history reads like a dark and twisted fairy tale: one girl is too much this and the next girl is too little that, I can't seem to find the one who fits just right.
After the last three dates, Chele tells me I'm not allowed to pick my own companions for a while. Apparently, I'm only allowed to accept referral candidates from here on out. Le Manly Sigh. Here's what happened with the last three:
Bachelorette #1 - Meet her through a work friend at happy hour. She was pretty, articulate, sexy in an understated way, a little fancy. But I like that. We had good conversation. We had good first date. After that first date (no cocoa), she started calling and texting... a lot. Like we went out Saturday and by Monday she had asked me several (more than 7) times when we were going out again. I saw Fatal Attraction. I wasn't waiting on the boiling bunny. Next.
Bachelorette #2 - Meet her at church. Sweet, cute, a little conservative but that's not always a bad thing. On our second date, I took her to a dinner with the fellas and their s/o's. Yes, she wore a sweater set and pearls in June to a jazz spot. Yes she ordered a salad. Yes she was quiet and did not keep up with the banter. I assumed it was that she was shy. Plus in comparison to the other ladies there (Jazz is in marketing, Michele is a writer, Ivy is in sales) she wasn't going to fare well in communication comparison. But she's just a really reserved (to the point of uptight) woman. In all things... very, very quiet and conservative. That's all I"m going ot say about that. Next.
Bachorlette #3 - Meet her in the mall. She walked up to me and struck up a conversation. I liked the boldness. We talked a few times and went to a movie. Not bad. Took her to a cookout on Saturday night and found out that the boldness was actually brashness. Like she talked real reckless with no filter. Example? She announced that "Bougie black people are what's wrong with America today. If Obama had more hood in him, we could see some real change." Girlie, know your audience. She was at a party where me, Wil, John, David, Jay, Owen, Jayme, BB - all people who frequent a site called BougieLand were in attendance. Three-fourths of the party went silent. The other fourth ignored her. She went on and on and finally noticed that no one was feeling her. Chele was looking upward in prayer trying so clearly not to engage.
Girlie realized everyone was taking their cues from Chele so she starts going in on how bougie bitches lose their men to real sistahs like her because they had no bed game. She said something to David and I didn't even hear what her next sentence was but I did hear Michele tell her she needed to buy a clue and catch a case of sit-yo-ass-down. What followed thereafter shall forever be known as Michele's Epic Ether. She shredded this chick.You all have read a OneChele rant, right? Well dial it up, add a bougie twang and technicolor and you have this. Some highlights:
Chele telling girlie her weave looked like she bought it from from a crackhead's grocery cart. (Okay, the hair was a little tragic)
Chele making some sort of rhyme involving wide hips, loose lips and drop kicks. (I don't know exactly what she said but it was Grammy worthy)
Chele telling girlie that what she truly needed was a stiff drink, a stiffer d**k and an attitude adjustment. (At which point the ENTIRE backyard went "Ooooo Shit!")
Girlie burst into tears and ran out front. Then I remembered that she came with me and I had to slink out to take her ratchet-ass home. She told me that my friends were "mean" and I should have stood up for her. Excuse me? Ya'll know what time it is... Next.
I'm taking a page out of Michele's book and taking a dating hiatus. Clearly I need to reflect or get perspective or whatever. So there's my chronicle, dissect away.
BougieLand, in my defense I'd had a long day, three drinks and it was hot. But enough about me, based on what you've heard about Trey's dating shenanigans -what should he do differently (if anything)? What kind of woman should he date next? And shouldn't he wait until a few dates in to bring them around the entire crew? Thoughts, comments, insights?