From @Average Bro - Three Things I don't miss about being single..
This September will officially mark my tenth year "Out Of The Game". If you read this blog with any regularity, you can probably guess what said "Game" is. That's right, folks, I've been happily married for nearly a decade now, which means I've defied most of the grim statistics (and boy, are they ever grim!) about black marriages.
I'd be the lassssst guy to tell you marriage is easy. It isn't. It requires a whole lot of compromise, a whole lot of changing, and a whole lot of "shutting up when you really feel like going off". Whereas lots of so-called experts consider marriage the cure to all that ails Black America, I don't necessarily agree. Some people (especially brothers) have absolutely no reason whatsoever for getting married, not now, not ever. A functional marriage means being in a perpetual state of growth. It goes without saying that we all know a bunch of 35 year old teenagers. Again, this ain't for everybody.
All that said, marriage isn't all bad. I wouldn't even dream of trading places with my single friends. And on that note, here's a few things I definitely don't miss about being single:
The Game - Let's face it, even if you're a guy who does relatively well on the dating scene, the whole dating/courtship game is still pretty annoying. You meet someone and wonder if they're really into you or just using you as a rebound from a prior relationship. Dating isn't cheap, and often is a waste of time. The posturing of showing someone your best side, just long enough to get what you want gets old. The bar/club/lounge scene, even in a city like DC where I live, gets monotonous and tired. There's a lot of posturing and BS involved. Frankly, it's a lot easier (in some ways) having just one woman to please.
The Loneliness - I'm sure a lot of guys are gonna be too gully to admit this, but yes, single guys sometimes get lonely too. You can have a great social life, but still find those rainy Thursday nights when the only thing on TV is a sh*tty Nuggets/Pacers game, and you'd much rather have some company. There's the annoyance of having to figure out who to take to your family reunion, cousin's graduation, etc. And yes, sometimes, at the end of a long day, you just want someone to vent to. When you're single, that someone isn't always there.
The Pointlessness - Around the time I turned 25, I looked up and realized that as much fun as I was having, I was basically treading water in life. Sure, I dated a lot, hung out all the time, and basically lived it up, but there was always the nagging feeling that weeks of my life were going by with little to show for it. Strange as it might sound, being married has given me purpose and focus in all my extramartial endeavors, career-wise, financially, even as a blogger. Yeah, I know that sounded silly. But then I look back and realize how many weekends I totally pissed away chasing chicks who really didn't deserve to be caught. By comparison, my focus in life is razor sharp now. I feel like I can literally accomplish anything, and the stability and focus of having a family to raise, love, and provide for gives me all the motivation I need.
From @BBWaite - Three things I miss about being single:
Mr. Waite and I have been married for over 20 years. I'll start counting again after the 25th anniversary. I love my husband, after all these years - I really do. I love my kids. I especially love the fact that all three children will be out of the house in about two more years (637 days, 2 months, 4 days, 12 hours... who's counting). I love my life. We're happy, financially secure, I'm secure in my faith and in my career, I'm fulfilled as a woman and a person. But...
I have to admit every now and then to looking at OneChele (and other singles) and feeling just a twinge or two of envy. There are a few things I miss about being single-
1) Picking up and going - She doesn't do it as much now but I was around for the days when Chele would get a phone call on Wednesday, throw her laptop and a couple outfits in a bag on Thursday and be off to all areas of the planet. As I planned bake sales, arranged carpools and juggled dentist's appointments, I watched her jet off to Hawaii and Spain and Italy. And I had to admit a part of me wanted to be there.
2) Single-minded decision making - I suppose I could go buy a new car and redecorate the upstairs without consulting my husband or worrying about saving for the kids' college funds but that wouldn't make me a very good steward, now would it? When you are single, you can decide to move to the West Coast and buy all organic products for two years. When you're married, you have to take others into consideration.
3) New Dudes - (not Dude Formerly Known as New, he was a huge disappointment) Mr. Waite gave me a serious side-eye when I typed this portion but after 20+ years both he and I know that while our passion, mutual respect and compatibility remain firmly in tact - there's very little novelty left. We have to really work to surprise each other. There are no more first kisses (God willing) for either of us. That "new-new" excitement is long gone.
Now I already know (and Chele told me quite passionately) that I wouldn't trade what I have for any of the little things that I miss. I almost lamented about the inability to keep a pint of chocolate ice cream or leftover chinese food in the house. I almost went in on the ridiculous amounts of laundry and disappearing socks. But I kept it generic and light-hearted. Honestly, if I could jet off to Hawaii tomorrow, I'd want my husband with me. If I made all the decisions, I'd overthink them to death. And my husband still knows how to take my breath way, new-new or not...
BnB - What do you think? Show AverageBro and BB a little love for sharing their thoughts and experiences. Can you (married and single) relate to what they're saying? Did anyone notice the shot BB took at me (moving to the West Coast and buying organic)? How did you enjoy After the Broom week?