The Conflicted Day that is January 15th

Every year since 2000, it's been the same. I wake up early and just a little bit out of sorts on the 15th of January. On the one hand, it's a day of celebration. The day we commemorate the life and legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr on the anniversary of his birth. On the other hand, his birthday was shared by my father who passed away a little over ten years ago. Both men gone too soon in my humble opinion. And while an entire country does not commemorate my father's life, I can't help but think he's up in heaven high-fiving MLK and saying, "Thanks for the holiday."

As a self-professed Daddy's girl, the absence of him is truly one of the voids in my life that time has never fully healed. There is an anchor that comes with having a father who loves and supports you unconditionally and raises you to know your worth. We shared a sense of humor, a love of roses, a birth month and the gift of gab... to name a few. When the anchor is gone, the memory remains. The values remain, the feelings remain but they are no longer as weighted. 

Then again, I have a nephew. He was named after his father and grandfather. He was also born on January 15th. He is an old soul in six year old body. The child is just naturally joyous. When he does cry, it's only for a moment. He has my father's charm and sense of humor. The eerie thing is when he looks at me like my father used to with a "girl, what is wrong with you?" look. I have to remind myself that things I would put up with from my father out of respect, I'm not taking from a child with a cute smile.

So it's a conflict. I reflect on the past, good times and bad, what was learned and lost. But I also look towards the future with more than a little bit of optimism. 

Dad and I also had eclectic tastes in music. He thought some of the stuff I listened to was "pure junk" and I thought life could be lived without calypso. But I had swayed him to my way of thinking with Sting. When I played this song for my nephew he said, "That's awesome." And so it continues. Enjoy "Fragile" by Sting:

Seems appropriate for the day. Enjoy your weekend!