Reality Check: Sometimes it is your fault (sorry)

Reality Check Week, also known as Sometimes Life Ain't Fair Week, also known as Wake Up and Smell What's Cooking week. Today: Assigning Blame. Read and learn...

This one is tough for me. It stings a little (reads: hurts like hell) to look in the mirror and point a finger at your own damn self. Be that as it may, it must be done. Sometimes you simply have to accept responsibility for the role your decisions and actions have taken in your failures. Le Ouch, I know.

What is the problem? You are without funds? Not holding onto a job? Relationship not as it should be or non-existent? Beefing with friends? Not feeling well? Tired of being tired?

Before you blame it on the alcohol, the Tea Party, Black Men, Black Women, the mainstream media, your boss, global warming, the economy, President Obama, yo mama and daddy, your significant other, your friends or your children [cue Man in the Mirror, please]... go ahead and leave a little bit of that finger-pointing pie for yo'self. 

I am not married, I have no kids and there not any viable prospects on the horizon to get me there. Now sure, I could travel down the Boulevard of Broken Boyfriends Past and find some thing (several things) that lay the demise of those relationships elsewhere but at my size 8.5 purple clad feet. But in reality... I have to own up to things I clearly did wrong (not the least of which was picking out some of those dudes in first diggity-dang place) that ultimately felled the relationship. 

I have a relative that consistently stays broke. Earns a good living, has manageable expenses... steady broke. He is always running 'a little short.' And he keeps twenty good reasons why money seems to evaporate out of his pocket faster than a pair of Vicki's Secrets off Kat Stacks' hindparts. But even when he earned three times as much, he stayed broke. At what point do we own up do the fact that if you always spend more than you earn and you never save, you stay broke? 

I have an old friend that I stay in touch with quarterly. About once a season, we check in, say hey, catch up on each other's lives and keep it moving. She has a new job every time I talk to her. When I intimated that she is spinning faster than a contestant on Wheel of Fortune trying to get to the Bonus Round, she was upset. Sure, I could've put it nicer but facts is facts. If you are getting bounced from job to job, at some point it's not the job.

What do these three examples have in common? My point is tucked away in each of them. If you are consistently failing at something, the common denominator is you. I'm not dismissing how outside forces get in your way (Devil stays busy, Amen), I'm asking you to look at how you're getting in your way. 

Sometimes it's a case of not trying hard enough. Going down the wrong road to begin with. Continuing patterns of behavior that aren't helpful or healthy? Refusing to listen to the voice in your head screaming, "What part of the game is THIS?" There are plenty of ways to self-sabotage your success. Let's stop doing it. But let's first own that some of the hot-mess-ness surrounding us is our own damn fault. 

Have you ever tried to deep fry a turkey? [Stay with me] First rule is that it has to be defrosted. Second rule is that you really have to do it outdoors or in professional deep fryer sized proportionately. Third rule is that you have to monitor the progress. It also helps to use the right oil and understand the time and temperature for the size of the bird. Statistics blame over 4300 Thanksgiving fires on folks who chucked a 20-lb. frozen Butterball into the FryDaddy and hoped for the best. Several hundred crispy fried living rooms and pissy firefighters later it occurs to folks to get a little instruction first.

What the hell am I saying? Successful living takes preparation, proper steps and training too. Don't blame the Butterball. (Just in time for Thanksgiving I have compared your life to dead poultry, you're welcome.) 

Did I make any sense today? How long does it generally take for you to figure out that what you're doing isn't working? Do you ever sit down and evaluate just where you are? Or are you too busy living to take a step back and pick up on patterns? What advice do you give people what are stuck in a rut of their own making? And what's the best way to snap somebody out of it? Does anyone have a turkey deep-fryer?

You know how we do in BougieLand. Answer one, all or none. Contribute thoughts, comments, and insights below...