Reality Check: "Marriage Material" is subjective

Reality Check Week, also known as Sometimes Life Ain't Fair Week, also known as Wake Up and Smell What's Cooking week. Today: Marriage Material. Read and learn...

Since the age of 19, people have been telling me that I'm "marriage material", "a good woman", "the kind of woman to take home to Mom". Since I'm still single over the age of 35 - I call bullshiggity on the entire notion.

Today's rant is inspired by some disillusioned single people that I absolutely must set straight. Here it go: Now matter how eligible you believe yourself to be, Ladies AND Gentlemen, you still may not get your "happily ever after."

Ladies, let me start with you. You know I'm Team Sisterhood. So please don't read this as a swipe against girl power. But I've read a few too many posts lately with degreed, thin, church-going women trying to figure out why Prince Charming choose someone else. And I mean some of these ladies were hornswoggled and befuddled as to why they, in all their gloriousness, were not in that Number One spot. The most simplistic answer: It bes that way sometimes. Yeah, I said, "It bes."

In one post, the girl was confused because her friend's ex married a plus-sized girl. Commenters assumed that the larger girl was 1) a rebound 2) just in the right place at the right time 3) a doormat he could order around 4) a myriad of other insulting unfounded speculations. How about they clicked? How about she had a pleasing personality? How about he thought she was gorgeous no matter the size? How about she laughed at his jokes? How about something in her spirit called out to his? 

Wake up ladies, a size 4 body, kitchen and bedroom skills, perfect hair and makeup, fierce shoes, to-die-for outfits, prestigious degree, upwardly mobile job, blingy car and stacks of cash at the end of the day... If it's not the guy that's truly meant for you? Nets you zero. Nada. Zippy-do-da. Stop assuming that the perfect outer shell of a life is guaranteed to bag you Preston or even Pookie for that matter. Preston may want Peaches. He may want Peggy Sue with a little more bounce to the ounce. Who's to say? Point blank, the heart wants what the heart wants. Quit hating if it's not you.

Fellas, first of all. I love y'all. You know I do. I'm saying this with the L-O-V-E: stop believing the press releases. You are not the Holy Grail. Yeah, yeah - you're nice, you have a job, a place of your own, a degree, a career path, a car you can pay for, conversational skills and they call you King Cocoa... all of this gets you nowhere with a girl who just isn't feeling you.

Oh and that assumption that the reason you didn't pull Priscilla was that she was too full of herself? Then you got mad when you saw her with Peter who (in your mind) isn't half the man you are... hmm. Karmic bounceback from that whole "ladies, stay in your lane" attitude? Like you're so special, a regular chick can't step to you? That "regular chick" might have been the best thing you never knew. 

May the Lord bless and keep some of y'all with egos twice the size of a chicken-fried steak platter in Texas... it's not that crucial. Sure there are some thirsty chicks out there craving you like you are the last lobster roll on the seafood buffet but ur, uh... some of us have been to this restaurant before. 

This is why getting married and staying married is so difficult and not a guarantee... finding the person who gets you and loves you and is willing to stick with you when you mad, glad, sad, and bad is like searching for a needle in a haystack.

I would like to respectfully request that folks get over themselves a little bit. Discover a little thing called humility and stop worrying about what you think you deserve. BougieLand, pardon my rant. My point is that what makes one person eminently eligible for Person A is vastly different for Person B. It's a bit presumptuous to assume that we can define that for anyone else. It's hard enough defining it for ourselves. Here endeth the rant.

So instead of getting everybody to rant with me today, let me ask you this: What three qualities or traits do (or did) you really need to have in the person you consider to be "marriage material"? Yes, just your top three. And why those three?