Stalemate - A Lesson Learned

Well, after a series of discussions over the past few days - the mostly anticlimactic inevitable thing has come to pass: New Dude is no more. Well, he still exists on the planet... just separately from me. 

It took three days, six discussions, twelve emails and forty-two text messages. We ran the entire gamut from flinging accusations, assessing blame, owning up to failures, grudging acceptance and finally... an amicable agreement. 

His flaw was being conflicted about what he really wants and what direction he wants to go. My flaw was coloring the present with issues from the past. He drew his line in the sand and I drew mine. When you reach the kind of impasse where neither person is willing to back down or even understand the other person's point view - that's a stalemate and you have to just call it a game.

He did mention (quasi-accusingly) that I had checked out four weeks ago. I couldn't disagree. You don't call time-out without knowing that play may not resume. I was pretty positive when I issued my non-ultimatum that this is how it would turn out.

Lessons learned? Hmmm... I'm not sure yet. I think when you have a feeling that something ain't right, you have to go with it. So maybe I should have bounced sooner? Nah, if I had to do this one all over again - I'd do it all the same. I enjoyed everything but the drama and the outside influences. I really enjoyed the mature interaction and conversation, I loved not having to guess what was going on. I will definitely look for that openness and ease of communication in my next "real" relationship.

So for the first time in my "grown-up" relationships, I can walk away without a whole lot of what-ifs and coulda/woulda/shouldas. There's a very real possibilty that Derrick and I will remain actual friends. His mother has already booked a coffee date for this week. And I'm not ruling out future possibility that Derrick and I will take another shot at it. Who knows?

I've been told by multiple sources that I'm not allowed to take another lengthy man-hiatus but Lord knows I don't feel like playing the dating game all over again. Le Huge Damn Sigh. I will miss the excellent hot chocolate. Yes, hot chocolate is a euphemism for that which I do not discuss on this blog.

Onto the next. I've no doubt BougieLand has commentary, opinions, advice and recommendations for next steps... the floor is yours.