Bougie Bachelorette Chronicles - Episode 1

Le Sigh. Here begins a new series on BnB. Instead of calling it Dammit I'm Single Again, I'm calling it the Bougie Bachelorette Chronicles. Let's begin, shall we?

So one of the things that I love about BB and Jayme (two of my galpals) is that they want the very best for me right now, this minute, every day, forever. One of the things that drives me crazy about them is that they want the very best for me right now, this minute, every day, forever. Sometimes they decide what the very best for me is and I have to reign them back in. They do it with love and from the perspective that they are both older, married, with children and well out of SingleWomanDramaLand where I sometimes dwell.

Jayme has three men she wants me to meet. One I'm apparently meeting for coffee on Saturday. BB has three men she wants me to meet, two of them have already called. For the record, I asked BB's permission before sharing this because BB know she wrong. [Not knows she is incorrect, but know she wrong. She admits it.] Here's why:

Bachelor #1 - Divorced brother with three grown children in some sort of hospital job. Nice guy, very nice. Courteous. Not the best conversationalist (cannot recall what you talked about at the beginning of the conversation less than ten minutes earlier). But pressed. Press-ed. Nineteen calls in three days pressed. OMG, let a sister breathe. Let me decide if I want to get to know you. Who calls at 7:30 in the morning and at midnight when they are NOT your man? That and the "tell me more about Michele - I want to learn what she's all about, tell me everything that makes you you." How am I supposed to answer that?! Unfortunately, that's his third line after "Hello" and "How are you doing?" Every. single. phone. call. Did I mention 19 calls? As I type, he's calling again. Twenty. Calls. Y'all have to tell me - am I being too critical? Because this seems a bit much.

Bachelor #2 - Government man, former officer in the army. Now working in private aviation. He called Tuesday and left a message. I was planning on getting back to him today. He called back today and opened with, "Why didn't you call me back? Are you one of those women who plays games?" Uh - hello? First flaming scarlet flag, he's 47 years old and never married. Dude said (AND I QUOTE), "I've never met a woman who made me forget all the others or made me want to be faithful." BougieLand... it took everything I had not to hang up the phone right then. He asked me what I was doing when he called the first time. I said yoga. He said, "Black people don't do yoga. But looking at your picture, you're redbone anyway so you can do what white people do and get away with it." **crickets** 

Before I could make up a reason to get off the phone, he hit me with a series of terrible questions. "So why are you still single?" "You probably like those pretty boys, huh?' "Is your hair a weave?" "What was your last sexual experience?" "Do you believe in cooking and cleaning for your man?" "What are your thoughts on fidelity?" I didn't answer any of those. Then he proceeded to tell me I was too serious and needed to "loosen up" and that I probably didn't have time for a man anyway. Because that's the problem with "you professional women" - don't wanna make sacrifices for a man. AND THEN (no I'm not done) he told me that the last woman he dated (a 52-year old chick who had been married three times ) cheated on him. Me: I'm sorry that happened to you. Thanks so much for calling. *CLICK* I don't even need your opinion on this one. No. Thank. You.

So I told BB to get Mocha Dude Speaks (her hubby) to scout out Bachelor #3 for me. She's no longer allowed to give out my phone number without supervisory oversight. [side-eye] I was so irritated at one point today that I tweeted for intelligent male life. I needed one man to say to say one intelligent thing to me to cancel out the ignorance I was listening to.

Le Deep Sigh. What y'all think about Bachelors #1 and #2? They know nothing about the blog so feel free to speak your mind. What part of the game is 20 calls? People are still calling folks redbone in 2010? What are our thoughts on men that are unmarried after "a certain age"? While you guys go in on that, let me go chit and chat with BB for a minute...