Step Yo' Game Up - bring more to the table than your bed game (or the promise of fierce bed game).
Sure, I'll admit it... I appreciate a talented, energetic, considerate bed partner as much as the next person. But as BougieMom is known to say, "You gotta get up sometime and then what?" Or as a friend of mine's Grandmama used to say, "Naked don't last all day. When you put those clothes on and have to do more than breathe heavy, whatcha got to say for yourself?" Amen.
I'm thoroughly sick of folks trading on their looks and sexability (yeah, I just made it up) like these are the only marketable commodities they possess. A person has got to be more than just the sum of their parts. All of their parts. Mental and physical. I could insert a few jokes about sex parts and size here but I'll keep those to myself.
Ladies - your hotness will catch you a man. For now. To keep him, you best do more than keep your weave tight and your Brazilian right. If your entire trap and keep plan involves Kegels and a stripper pole, you have quite the awakening coming to you.
Fellas - we appreciate that you get down with the get down. Your ability to make a woman forget her own name and scream out yours is a talent for sure. But it's only one string to your bow, you can't play the whole fiddle with just one string.
Girls and Gents - Allow me to present five things that can be as sexy as great sex:
1. Thirst for Knowledge - You don't have to be the smartest or the brightest, but you have to be agile with your mental game. Care about something other than rims and shoes. Read a newspaper. Too much? Okay - a magazine. Know about what's happening in the world beyond the latest video or Real Housewife scandal. Mental midgetry is less attractive and harder to get rid of than toe fungus. I can't do anything with stupid. And even less with stupid that doesn't mind staying that way. Smart is the new sexy people - embrace it. (It was actually the old sexy too...)
2. Conversational Skills - Sure, I look at you with my eyes but my ears have the override code. I don't care how good you look, I need something to talk about over cold cereal on a rainy day. Overheard in the Starbucks: "I gave her looks an A and her conversation an F." You don't have to be a brilliant orator, but have something to say. Find five things that interest you and find five things to say about each. Give me something other than the shrug (fellas) or the giggle (ladies). I am telling you that a less than attractive person who talks a good game has caused many a panty or boxer to hit the ground.
3. Ambition + Drive - Nobody likes a lazy ass. I don't care how tight and fine that ass is. Get it up and get it moving. If you wash lettuce for a living, get out there and be the best damn lettuce washer ever seen... and see if you aren't slicing tomatoes by next month. Forget what you heard, freeloading ain't sexy. If you are over the age of 23 and not disabled in any way, you need to be hustling to pay for your own stuff. If someone wants to buy you things, great. You still need to work on that rainy day fund. Cause there's always gonna be a rainy day. Does anything say sexy quite like hustle?
4. A Hobby - I mean a REAL hobby. I once had a dude tell me that smoking the sticky-icky was his hobby. FAIL. Read, garden, watch sports, old movies, write a journal, cook, re-grout the bathtub, save the planet, swim with dolphins... do something semi-creative/productive for simple purpose of recreation and relaxation. I'll even let you fellas play Madden until 3:00am if it doesn't interfere with the rest of your world. A person who shows a passion for living in one area, generally shows it in others.
5. Honest Emotion - Nothing is as sexy as someone who knows who they are and what they believe. It's all the better if they are not afraid to share it, speak on it and act on it. Even if you disagree with their viewpoints, you have got to admire the utter realness of saying, "This is how I feel. Take it or leave it." Sometimes that much honesty is brutal to encounter but there's something to be said for always knowing where someone stands.
So what you say you BougieLand? Anything to add to my "sexier than sex" list? Thoughts, comments, feelings? The floor is yours.