I received a number of quotes and questions for He Said/She Said week, thanks for all the input! I didn't even get to two or three of the categories, one of which was: "Is it really all that?" Oh well, blog fodder for later. We did have two questions that I wanted to address though.
"What does it mean when he says, "Don't ask me who I'm sleeping with, I think that's an inappropriate question because I don't ask you who you're sleeping with because I don't care." I was shocked! I replied that I wanted to know if he was having sex with other women because of my own health safety. He replied, " We (me and him) have protected sex, so what does it matter if I am having sex with other woman!" and, "You are very insecure, I don't care who you are sleeping with. I just care about the moments we have and I don't care about others outside of that time."
Ok - we have protected sex when we are fully engaged in the "act" but we do not have protected sex when we have oral sex (please forgive the grown talk Chele). So I was sitting there pissed because, I am thinking - ok dayum, you are having sex with other people and I am giving you a head job! So, I said will all seriousness, "I'm not into threesomes!" He said,"WTF are you talking about." I explained –“If you’re having sex with me on Monday, someone else on Tuesday then me again on Wednesday, well essentially we are having a threesome.” He was like "That's sounded so dumb!"
I said, "Wow - then what are we?” - He was further agitated and said, "Dayum, why do you want to put labels on us! - just enjoy the experience, stop being insecure and let nature take its course."
I hung up on him and have not' contacted him since but he has called and emailed me several times.
He is kicking 50 in the *ss (49), so I am a little shocked he is this immature or Chele am I being insecure?
~Beautiful in BougieLand
You're not being insecure at all. He's running old school game and you caught onto it. When folks have no defense for their actions, they flip the script and make it about you and your so-called issues. No sir. Damn some nature taking it's course. He's old enough to know better. But as I'm sure you figure out, there's no age limit on ratchet.
However, I would strongly recommend that you avail yourself of a flavored prophylactic for future below the belt kissing. Better safe than sorry. Get tested, lose his number, block his email and consider yourself all the wiser.
And the second note:
Ok here's my question what does it mean when he/she says,"I know that's what you said, but I thought you meant..." oooh that is soo a relationship killer for me. Where do folks get that from?
Umm-hmm. Game recognize game. Basically, you're being told that they heard what they wanted and acted accordingly. This is why I use the psych 101 tool of "mirroring". I say something, you say it back and then we repeat and I follow up with, "Are we on the same page?" That way not only do I know you heard me, I know you understood. If someone wants to play dumb later... they get the side-eye.
I had a boss once question a document I sent out to the company. When I pointed out that she had signed (and dated) the draft; she said "Just because I signed it doesn't mean I read it and agreed with it." Even though it explicitly said "By Execution Below"? Okay, I knew my days there were numbered. I have no patience for bald-headed barefoot reindeer games. No, I don't know what that means but I heard it somewhere and I'm using it.
So what you BougieLand, anything to share with TSB or Beautiful in BougieLand? Enjoy the rest of your weekend.