(Disclaimer - y'all know I do not like to talk about sex but this overheard conversation gave me pause. Tell me what you think.)
New Dude and I caught a bite to eat with some of his sane, less dramatic friends. Six of us sitting around a table. Lovely restaurant, upscale neighborhood, dimmed decor, quiet low-key jazz piped in the background. The company was great, food was excellent and a good time was being had by all.
Somewhere in between salad and entrée, a couple came in and sat at the table next to ours. I put them in their late twenties, early thirties. She was a red-head, waif-thin in a dress that would have been gorgeous if she was fifteen pounds heavier. He was straight out of the Banana Republic catalog and had a death grip on his iPhone which he checked every minute or so. The tension around the two of them was thick. She ordered a bottle (not a glass) of chardonnay and he ordered a double scotch neat. Day-um! They proceeded to sit in chilly silence while we probably annoyed the hell out of them with our laughing and easy conversation.
During a lull while we were waiting for the check to be brought back, she (had by now emptied the wine bottle) said in a loud whisper, "Can you put the damn phone down for ten minutes and talk to me?"
"What do you want to talk about?" He asked not looking up from the phone.
"Us, that's what we came out to talk about right?" Her voice was kinda whiny.
We start shifting around a little uncomfortable to be cast in the role of witnesses. Really, do you go out to a public restaurant to talk about your relationship? Really? Only if you think the conversation is going to go well. And I suspected theirs wasn't.
"What about us? That we don't really like each other anymore and the sex is terrible?" Wow no softening of the blow, just right out there with it.
"Terrible how? You seem happy."
"Not terrible. Adequate. It's oil change sex."
By this time we weren't even pretending not to listen. She said, "What are you talking about?"
"Oil change sex - it has to be done for maintenance but we put it off as long as possible. We grumble on the way, wait impatiently for it to be over, pay the bill and get out of there as soon as possible. Oil change sex."
"Can you lower your voice, please?" She glanced over at us and we looked away.
One of the guys at our table said under his breath, "Ouch."
New Dude said, "That's harsh."
The other woman at our table said, "Sounds empty and painful. Why bother?"
The third woman shrugged and said, "It happens." The guy with her sent a side-eye and she added, "Oh, not with you!" Uh-oh.
Never have you seen people so happy to grab a receipt and scatter. Talk about awkward.
I recall once telling an S.O. that I didn't want to be treated like something on his "to-do" list. Work out - check. Buy groceries - check. Do girlfriend - check. No thank you. Some things should be done well and with enthusiasm or not done at all. In my humble opinion.
Me and a friend of mine had a conversation recently about Happy Meal/Snack Pak sex - just enough to tide you over but not enough to fully satisfy. You wouldn't want that all the time but every now and then, it hits the spot. (pun intended)
What say you, BougieLand? "Oil change sex": worth it, not worth it? Why do it? Do you talk about it? (At a restaurant?!) Happy Meal/Snack Pak sex - bueno or no bueno? I'm curious as to your thoughts, comments, opinions. Oh um, try and keep it PG-13 we have folks reading from work.