The first official BBQ holiday has come and gone. It's June people. And though summer doesn't technically start until the 21st, the thermostat has already hit 100° here in Texas. Let's just call it summer already. That means it's time for some seasonal Bougie Etiquette Refresher Courses.
Let's start with the ladies and their summer clothing choices. I was at a function this weekend where I counted no less than 12 fashion violations of the most flagrant kind. I know everybody is eager to jump into those maxi-dresses and skin-tight capri pants but slow your roll. I'm not judging... I'm just saying some of us should try harder and Just.Do.Better.
A bunch of fellas got together and decided June is officially #SundressMonth. I'm sure they all have visions of taut, toned bodies draped in spaghetti strapped dresses and strappy sandals bringing the boom-boom-pow. Um-hmm, just as we wish that all men knew it's better to be the guy on the left than the guy on the right.
Moving on. As you can tell by the picture at the top of post, there are a number of options for sundress wear. Not everything is for everybody. I'm here to help but I'll need to expand beyond sundresses. Let's start with the basics and go from there.
- And by basics, yes – I mean foundation wear. If you are still wearing the same bra size you wore in college, you might want to get re-measured. Nowadays there are lovely bras for all sizes in all shapes and colors. Match the bra to the clothing in both shape and color. Do NOT put on a yellow racer-back bra with a blue halter top. Below are examples of foundation fails. You should never be falling out of your clothing, not to the front, the back or the side. Proper support for the girls transforms an outfit from trashy to classy in no time at all. Don't be these chicks:
- Visible panty lines. Stop. The. Madness. Get a full-length mirror, put more than 40 watt bulbs in the room with the mirror, turn ALL THE WAY around when you get dressed. Please and thank you. P.S. Not everybody wants to see your thong. I don't care what Sisqo says.
- Clothes should fit and flatter. Know your size and respect your body type. Check the diagram below. If you are a banana, you need to add curves. If you are an apple, you need to define your waist. A pear emphasizes their top half for balance. An hourglass wears long, tailored lines to elongate body.
- What season is it? Make a determination. This look below? Doing too much. Boots are for winter unless you live in the south and can pull off a western look. Short sleeve shirts for spring. Scarf gets a little toasty in the summer and black leggings attract heat. All four seasons in one outfit – no bueno.White leggings are a friend to very few. White laces leggings belong in an eighties Madonna video. Nuff said.Wrap dresses look good on everybody. That is all.Gents – is that what you had in mind for #SundressMonth? I don't even know what to say about this. It's just wrong. On so many levels. Just because something comes in your size, does not mean you should wear it. Seriously.
- I don't have time to get into bathing suits. Please seek professional opinions on whether your suit looks good if NO ONE in your life is willing to tell you the truth. This should never happen.
- A few other things I didn't scout pictures for:
- Yes, horizontal stripes add volume.
- Fabrics that breathe and stretch are a gift from above. (No, I don't mean a Lycra one-sie)
- Not everyone can (or should) wear miniskirts.
- Embrace your curves but leave something to the imagination.
- Patterns should be proportionate. A larger woman should not wear a lot of tiny flowers. A tiny woman should not have huge paisleys chasing each other around her body.
- Summer skin is your best accessory. Moisturize and hydrate. Buff, polish, slather and repeat.
- Do NOT attempt sandal wearing without proper foot preparedness. This goes for you too gentleman. A crusty foot has no place in BougieLand.
In conclusion: wear seasonal clothes that accentuate your positive while disguising any problem areas you may have. When in doubt – go simple. Try on EVERYTHING. It was a long cold winter and not everything may be where it was last summer. Cute hair, cute shoes, great accessories and lip gloss make everything (well almost everything) look better.
BougieLand – did I forget any summer clothing tips for the ladies? Fellas, smile all you want… your day is coming. Thoughts, comments, insights? The floor is yours.