Question for the Ladies: Why are you so mean?

Okay, at first I laughed out loud when I first received this question. And then six more men sent in similar questions. That wiped the smile off my face. The myth of the Angry Black Woman strikes again. Well, let me rephrase that – I think it's a myth but if the fellas think we are stomping around mean-muggin' and back-slappin' anyone who gets in our way, let me dig deeper to find the answer.

So I'll admit to a period of time in my late 20s when I was bitter, caustic, with zero tolerance for the brothers. Something to do with the guy I planned on marrying deciding to marry someone else out of the blue. All my plans (I was one of those chicks with a life plan and a timeline) went up in smoke. It took a minute for me to bounce back to my normally pleasingly pleasant personality. So apologies to any fella who tried to roll up to me at that time. I wasn't having it. I assumed one heart-breaking dude equaled all dudes were out to break my heart and I was ill-prepared to deal with it.

Thankfully, a different guy came around and basically said, "What's that got to do with me?" Oh… um – nothing actually. My bad. I began to realize that my happiness is my own responsibility. Like BougieMom says, "No one can steal your joy, you have to give it them." True. Since then I do not let a man (or woman for that matter) mess with my mood for long. 24 - 48 hours and then I gotta be me. And me isn't mean and surly.

Alright, let's answer the question. Why are ladies so mean?

  1. Easiest answer: You made us that way. Yes you fellas. You know who you are. We were happy, you came along and did us wrong and now we mad. I'm not saying this is right, I'm just saying it happens.

  2. Saddest answer: We've been kicked in the ass by life too many times. No one starts out mean, angry, bitter. Someone who is layers deep unhappy got that way over time with a lot of really foul circumstances. The outward expression of all that unhappiness is a mean, spiteful bitter woman who just wants you to feel as bad as she does. Just stay out of her way and hope she finds Jesus.

  3. Situational answer: We tried nice and it didn't work out, now we're going with mean. This generally applies in work situations or when we have told a fella no (several times) and he's not hearing us. Then we have to get a little nasty.

  4. Possible answer: We're just not feeling it (or you) right now. We woke up on the wrong side (of the wrong) bed, it's that time of the month, our shoes are pinching, you are on our nerves, the job is trifling, we need a vacation – it's temporary. We'll be okay, just hang in.

  5. Unfortunate Answer: You're letting us be mean to you. Seriously. A woman will get away with as much as you let her. If you lay down and stamp doormat on your forehead, someone is going to wipe their feet and keep stepping. Some women will just take advantage of you if you let them. Don't let them.

  6. Generally Honest answer: We're not mean; we just look that way sometimes. Smile at us, tell us we look lovely that day and nine times out of ten, we'll smile back. Problem solved.

The follow-up question was "And what can we do about it?"… um, fellas if after a certain age you really don't know how to put a smile on a woman's face – this blog can't save you. No seriously… it's the little things. Start out by asking us what is wrong with the understanding that sometimes, we just want to vent – we don't need you to fix it. If you are the cause of our pissitivity, you might want to cease and desist the action that made us that way and apologize very sweetly. If you're not, hang in – we're really not as mean as you think.

Fellas - did I answer the question to your satisfaction? If not, fire away - some of the other ladies may have the exact answer you seek. Ladies, do you have something to add to the answers? Any other comments, questions, insights?