Pardon me while I handle some BnB internal business...
This open letter is on behalf of one of my Twitter friends. She was one of the first people to reach out to me on Twitlandia and is just flat out good people. I absolutely adore her. In my adoration, I semi-set her up with a dude from BougieLand. Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa and colossal fail on my part. What had happened was... This gentleman hunted me down and begged for an introduction and an endorsement. He was (in his words) dazzled by the intelligence and charm of my friend and wanted to holler. I directed him to her website and Facebook page; he was more charmed and enthusiastic than before.
So I spoke with him, background checked him (which he agreed to and paid for). According to his background, he is divorced with one child, degreed, professional, solvent and without criminal history. I spoke with him again – hey, I'm a Human Resources girl, I interview folks and I generally know what to look for. After a discussion with him and a follow-up with her, I green-lit the introduction.
In the beginning, he was fun, he was flirty and it was banter, wit, and a little bit of sizzle. He flirted hard, he flirted regularly. He made plans and promises. He shared life anecdotes. All of this over Twitter (which was the first issue). Why Twitter only? No gchat, no skype, no fifty-million other venues? Finally, he got her phone number, made arrangements to call, set up plans to meet face to face and then… nothing. He popped up on BougieLand here and there with a comment or two, sent her a couple of half-assed tweets about some drama in his life and then… nothing. Fade to black. But this morning, he sent me a note (why me and not her, I don't know) asking if I thought he should contact her this weekend. (After 2 ½ weeks of zero contact?)
So because she's too classy to do it… allow me to say how I feel about that…
Dear Dude (you know who you are),
I'm not fond of grown-assed men who don't know their own minds and waste people's time. I'm not fond of men who chase women, hide behind equivocal language and then throw down a smoke bomb and disappear into the mist. I have a healthy sense of humor, but I'm not amused. One you pass the age of forty, game-playing isn't cute. Oh hell, it's not cute past twenty. The thing was… you were so completely "earnest" in your longing to get to know that person. I mean you worked hard to get the intro. And worked even harder to garner her interest. You did all but stalk the girl so fervent was your avowal that this was someone you simply had to get to know.
Sure, it's your prerogative to change your mind. It's your option not to pursue someone that you chased (hard and at some expense). And sure, I get that it was Twitter so how seriously should we take it all. You are allowed to simply fall back. I'm not saying what you did was a heinous crime… I'm saying it was trifling and rude. And a little bit unnecessary.
It's not as though you've gone missing. You're still tweeting and blogging and chatting away so we know you're alive and apparently well. What you did was start a conversation, up the intensity to red-hot and then stop speaking mid-sentence and leave the room. We call that mixed messages. Or in this case… a Tweet–n–Run.
The flirting was fine, the banter was fine. But why the full court press? Why all the personal questions? Why set up the coffee/tea/cocktail date? Why ask for the number and never use it? Was it a game, a diversion, something to pass the time? Did you meet someone else? Just what? Oh wait; you did have a lame explanation: you said "your interest and intentions were good but your follow-through and execution sucked". Nice to know and thank you for that bit of honesty. Here's some for you in return…
- It's just as irritating when men run hot and cold as when women do it.
- There's a phrase: don't start none, won't be none. Re-read and repeat.
- Remember when I recommended that you bring your "A" game to the table? This isn't it, is it?
- The person you should ask if you still have a shot? You have her phone number - use it. Don't tweet it, don't text it, call.
- You can forget any other attempts at a BougieLand hook-up. The Bougie Babes are off-limits to you now.
Anyway, good luck to you sir. It's my experience that once you raise a woman's expectations and then dash them, it's tough to get back in the game but go head on with your bad self. If you're going back in, I would strong suggest you go in with more than a tweet and a smile. You take care now. And watch where you tweet. I see you.
Okay, I feel better now. Thank you BougieLand for allowing me to handle that bit of administrative business. Unfortunately, there's no adequate interview process that screens for flaky. I'll be interested to see if said Dude responds. In the meantime, ever had a potential S.O. just disappear, no explanation? Have you ever faded to black on someone after chasing the hell out of them? As always… your thoughts, comments and insights are welcome. The floor is yours.