Calling a Spade… a Spade (to her face) – bueno or no bueno?

Today, we're doing a cross-blog topic with Single Black Male. It is of an NC-17 nature. Usually, I type the word b*tch with the asterisk. But today since we are discussing the unfortunate usage of the word, we're going in. Buckle up.

As a blogger, I'm often asked things that quite frankly throw me for a loop. Based on the comments from one of my posts, the question was asked – when is it acceptable to call a woman a bitch or a ho to her face?

My thoughts:

Hmm. Well, I have a series of standards on this one. First of all, let's be honest… some women display some decidedly bitch-like, ho-like tendencies. Just two weeks ago, we expounded on the irritating trend of Hoedom as a hustle. All this being said, when you are looking someone in their face (and yes, I KNOW this is sexist) I believe there is NO time where it's acceptable for a man to call a woman a bitch or a ho. Kinda like non-black people using the n-word (whole other topic), this one you have to leave in house.

And EVEN then, if you don't have some sort of relationship where that's an okay thing, you can NOT be calling folks bitches and hoes to their face. I'm sorry, you really can't. Now, do we need to discuss the difference between calling someone bitchy or a bitch? Understanding that it's still right there on the line of what can catch you a beat down from said female?

Of course I have a few friends that jokingly call each other bitches. "Bitch you know you look good." "Ya'll bitches never on time." "Queen Bitch is on her throne today." And EVEN then, after one or two someone generally says, "Um, Ms. Lady – we're not going to be too many more bitches tonight, okay?" And it's shut down.

We don't call each other hoes. No, not even if some hoe-shiggity is apparent. It's just not done. But again, that's just me and my friends. I'm curious to know how this dynamic plays out with other people. Here's an interactive quiz for your enjoyment:

I got into a discussion on Twitter about this and several folks had differing opinions. SBM had the strongest opinion. He believed that if a woman is acting like a bitch or a ho, she needed to be called out.

SBM's thoughts:

As my good friend OneChele mentioned … we differ in opinion.

Anyone who frequents knows we aren't afraid to tell it like it is and say what really needs to be said. But please believe I am not some e-Thug who keeps his mouth quiet out in the "real world." Please believe the SBM you get on the blog and twitter is the same strong minded, "always got an opinion about relationships", chivalry murdering, weave hating individual that you hate love so much on these e-streets. I strive to give you the same experience whether you're looking me in my eye or reading me on a monitor.

As a result … I will call a woman a hoe or a bitch … if the situation calls for it.

Please don't get it wrong. My mom and dad raised me right. Even in a time when too few rappers can define the word misogyny, and b*tch and hoe are thrown around with reckless abandonment, I neither participate or condone calling any and every woman a b*tch or a hoe. Just because you are female doesn't make you a b* or h*. Streetz detailed what makes some woman a b*, and I think we all know what a hoe is … so I won't reiterate.

But … there are certain situations where I feel that I, as a man, can call a woman a bitch or hoe to her face. These are never done with complete strangers, and I usually know the person. And I don't mean it as mean … but sometimes these harsh words give the "shock" value needed to rightly bring about change. Let's look at some of these situations.

– My female friend has just told me about the 5 different guys she has slept with this week. Apparently she needed to get something out her system (You'z a hoe).

– An acquaintance in the group is asking if it's wrong that she slept with a guy raw dawg, in the back of a car, while his friend drove them back from the club (*true story*)within 6 hours of meeting him. (You'z a hoe).

– A woman is telling me about the 5 anonymous person train that just "came through her station." (You'z a hoe).

– My date (on our first date) is talking about the 30 day marathon she did last year where she aimed to sleep with a different man every day of the week, and then call back the best for a weekend repeat (You'z a super serious hoe).

– A woman in a group of friends that I am part of (don't know her that well) is explaining how she threw her big mac back through the drive through window because they forgot the secret sauce (You'z acting like a bitch).

– You, a stranger, come into my face cursing and implicating that I cannot hold an erection or please a woman. All this because I wouldn't buy you a drink (You'z a bitch)

So, as we can see there are some situations where a woman simply needs to be informed to the error of her ways. Just like any questionable actions on my behalf would result in me being called a "bitch ass n***a" or a "man-whore/he-slut" … I strive for equality. I don't do it out of spite, to be mean, or to be disrespectful … but if you're acting like a bitch around SBM … be prepared to get your feelings hurt.

Well, as you can tell... we really don't agree on this one. And I'm also giving SBM a side-eye on his circle of friends. Here in BougieLand we tell it like it is, but we bougie so we say it nicely… SBM, you know I love you like a third cousin I scold at Thanksgiving and Easter but you need more people, sweetie. I say this with the love. The L-O-V-E. If you have words for SBM, leave them over there or over here or both.

I admit that I'm curious to see what kind of responses we get. Are we out there calling folks bitches and hoes to their face? The floor is yours.