Pimps Up, Hoes Up: Sexing Your Way to Your 15 Minutes of Fame

Ya'll know how I love smart people. Today, please join me in welcoming one such lady as our guest blogger. Carolyn Edgar is an attorney and writer living in New York City. She is a contributor to the NYC Moms Blog and has also contributed to My Brown Baby. Carolyn's personal essays have been published in Reconstruction Magazine and Mirror on America: Short Essays and Images from Popular Culture (Bedford/St. Martin's). She is a graduate of the University of Michigan and Harvard Law School. We've been enjoying some Twitter thoughts and she had a little something to share. Enjoy and show her some love: (By the way, I embedded the videos neither of which are appropriate for viewing ever. Get your Pepto ready)

I too hate what OneChele referred to in her post yesterday as "the new trend of Mistresses and Groupies on Parade." Somewhere in the universe, the woodwork must have squeaked, because every other day there's a new freak with a new story to tell sell.

The groupie/ho business is getting serious. Lawyer-to-the-stars Gloria Allred has practically turned it into its own branch of the entertainment industry. Allred is the CEO, COO and General Counsel of Skankville Inc., pimping these girls and their stories for all it's worth.

The how-to-be-a-ho formula has worked for generations. Take one famous male athlete/actor/singer/politician (or husband of a woman who is one or all of the above); add one or more groupies, preferably of the blonde, big-breasted variety; subtract one despondent wife; leak enough salacious details to the media to whet the public's appetite, and voila! Let the famewhoring begin!

For the formula to work, the salacious details must sound like copyedited versions of Penthouse Forum. Thus, we've read about John Edwards' sex tape in which he performs oral sex on pregnant Rielle Hunter. We read Kwame Kilpatrick's texts to his love-starved chief of staff Christine Beatty and Tiger's embarrassing texts to one of his groupie chicks.

When the groupies leak their stories, they never contain unflattering facts like: his penis is the size of a well-endowed two-year-olds; he was too drunk to get it up; he aspires to be a one-minute man – all the stuff you know is probably true. The truth would destroy the economic value of the tell-all, and that economic value makes them newsworthy. No one wants to hear that famous people sex is as boring as the sex they're having at home. Accordingly, the stories enhance the famous men's aura of masculinity and virility. Paradoxically, by having an affair with one or more hot women, the cheating husbands appear even more desirable and attractive.

Kat Stacks, another wanna-be player in the ho game, failed to grasp the importance of telling a good story. The stories on her now-blocked blog weren't titillating, they were sad and desperate. They made you want to get her into counseling and send her to a GED course. Allred's services are well out of Kat Stacks' reach.

But that's the problem with the ho game. The men, not the women, are the ultimate winners. Sure, one of Tiger's babes got a settlement, but what about the others? Notably, black mistresses often fare worse than their white counterparts. Karrine Steffans got a couple of book deals out of giving great head, but not all of the mistresses have been so lucky. Just compare Eliot Spitzer's main call girl Ashley Dupre, and Kilpatrick's mistress Christine Beatty. While Dupre has an advice column in the New York Post and an upcoming spread in the May 2010 Playboy; Beatty just moved to Atlanta after being unable to find employment in the Detroit area following the mayoral scandal.

There are many reasons why being a mistress or groupie is not a sustainable business model. Karma truly is a bitch. Specifically, karma's the next bitch. There's always another one: younger, blonder, with bigger boob and butt implants. Mistresses and groupies have a short shelf life, and success breeds copycats. Once it's known that the guy in question can be had, women will fall all over themselves to get next. And very few of these guys generate the type of income that breeds big settlements, the type of settlements that can assuage hurt feelings when he moves on to the next chick.

It's not that the men escape entirely scot-free. But who do we refer to as a ho? The men are said to have "made mistakes" and "should apologize to their wives," but they get shiny new stud images to boot. After the cheating husbands perform some public act of contrition, the public forgives, and their careers go on.

Meanwhile, no matter how much Kiely Williams tries to p-pop herself out of being a forgettable Disney starlet, the only reaction her "Spectacular" video stirred up was general revulsion. It's rumored her next song is called "Open My Legs, Tell Me What Ya Think." If she named it "Open My Legs and Get That Speculum" and featured her next Pap smear in the video, and I don't think the public would give a damn. She may try to go the basketball wives' route next, but I'm not even sure she could pull a bench rider making league minimum at this point.

I worry about how my teenage daughter will be influenced by the notion that growing up means throwing all caution and your legs open to the wind. So far, her only reaction has been "Ewww!" I hope when she's older and her understanding of sex goes beyond sex ed and it-can-get-you-pregnant-and-make-you-sick, she remains disgusted by all the women who use sex, not their brains, for the come-up.

What say you BougieLand is skank-and-tell the new hustle? What can be done to make it all stop? What are your thoughts on Rielle Hunter getting on Oprah? A show like Basketball Wives (where only two of the 20 are actual wives) was watched by 1.6 million people – the Hell? Ya'll know what to do: thoughts, comments, opinions? The floor is yours.