A few thoughts on “Having your Back”

I consider myself to be down for the cause – those causes being Supporting the Sisterhood, Uplifiting the Race, Repping for BougieFam, Promoting the Bouge, Being a Friend to the End, Eradicating Breast Cancer - okay, I have quite a few causes. That being said… I'm fairly loyal to causes and people that I believe in. But there are very few people who get a blind 'you jump/I jump' unconditional pass from me. Why? Because folks don't know how to act. I'm a supportive person but I'm not co-signing on tomfoolery unless we are ride-or-die like that. I think that's reasonable. In the past week, however; I've been called a two-faced hypocritical race traitor and a "part-time sister". Well, Le Ouch.

I'll start with my lack of sisterhood solidarity. I believe I've talked to you about my friends Chad & Rose who have been in an on again off again battle to save their marriage. I met Rose first but became close friends with both of them. It's been difficult to remain the neutral party but so far I have managed… until last week. Last week, Rose decided she'd had enough. While Chad was away on a business trip, she changed the garage door, the locks, the alarm code and packed up all his stuff. And that's not the worst of it. She invited a date (yes, I typed date) over to the house for the time period she KNEW Chad would be coming home. So not only did he come home to find he couldn't get into his house, he had to ring the doorbell and walk in on his wife cooking food for another man. And he had to get his bags and walk BACK through the house he pays for while some other dude sat watching.

So they both called me with their versions of the story. I wondered if Rose's actions were retaliation for something off the wall Chad had done. In both versions of the story, Chad hadn't done anything except continue to try and make the marriage work. It wasn't working, I get that. She wanted him gone, I get that. But I didn't agree with her methods. Lock changing was enough. Having a new man up in his house when papers aren't signed yet… I couldn't co-sign. She accused me of taking sides. Said I should agree with her because we are girls. Um, but you're wrong and you hurt my friend? You tell me, BougieLand – was I wrong?

Next up was the shibacle about Steve Freakin' Harvey last week. I stated on Twitter that I was confused by what his qualifications were to be a relationship consultant/expert/whatever he's billing himself as now. Last I checked he was a comedian and radio host. I was called a jealous hater who only said I supported black authors but didn't practice what I preached. Le Aargh! Let me go ahead and wave away my loathing to title him a "Black Author" because that's a discussion for another day. I bought his book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man" – that's support. I read it and called bullshiggity – that's my option. I just can't co-sign on relationship advice that points fingers at one side without addressing the other.

The impetus for my original comments was a panel coming soon to Nightline in which Jimi Izrael, Steve Harvey and Hill Harper face off against Sherri Sheppard and Jacque Reid on why successful sisters are man-less. (Insert disgusted exhausted sigh here) I love Hill Harper and appreciate his approach (plus he reps for the bougie set). But yes, I questioned the qualifications of Jimi and Steve (with six marriages between the two of them) and yes, I may have commented on Steve's propensity to wear zoot suits. (sue me, I can see) At this point, I was also told that I had the same hustle and didn't I consider myself a relationship expert? BougieLand?! Have I EVER professed to be a relationship expert? Have I not, in fact, added NUMEROUS disclaimers swearing NOT to be? And how is my work of fiction akin to re-hashing clichés under the guise of giving women (who are already over-advised) advice? Ya'll are my friends, right? Please tell me if I've gone hypocritical on this one.

Short rant: I'm a woman who supports women being able to do what they want, when they want. That doesn't mean I get behind the new trend of Mistresses and Groupies on Parade, bragging about their activities, getting paid to tell how they bounced up and down on inappropriate (often married) men. As a matter of fact, I hate it. I hate that skanks and pimps are now some sort of heroes. Own your sexuality, yes. Capitalize on it, er- maybe. Flaunt your sexual buckwildness for all to see? Sell it to the highest biller? No ma'am, no sir. Keep that between you and yours.

I also have issue with co-signing on so-called experts capitalizing on this Poor Single Black Women trend that is all the rage. If I put a book out called Why Black Women Who Buy $400 Shoes and Eat $5 Ice Cream Sleep Alone, I'd be a gazillionaire. No, I won't be signing up for Steve Harvey's online dating service. And no, I don't even respect the hustle.

Woo-sah. Relax, relate, and release. The essence of OneCheleness is that I call 'em as I see 'em. I will generally back your play until you ride off the rails and then I gotta call you out. Feel free to do the same. Nuff said.

Thoughts, comments, similar experiences? The floor is yours…