Open Letter to Bookstore Dude, we’ll call this BougieTale a #HollaFail

My twitter friend @CarolynEdgar coined the phrase "HollaFail" yesterday to describe some grown dude trying to holla out of the passenger window of a car (No Scrubs, sir. No Scrubs). For those in need of an ebonic to bougie translation – HollaFail = an epic failed attempt to pick up someone of the opposite sex for romantic purposes. Anyway, I'm stealing the term for this BougieTale about the fella I met at the bookstore on Sunday. I decided to pen him a little note:

Hey Dude,

Remember me? Sweats, ponytail minding my own business in the fiction section? You came up all handsome smiles to the magazine section next to me. And while, "Um, hey, um," may not be the smoothest opening line I've ever heard; your flashing dimples make it seem okay. It was clear by the way you grabbed the first magazine your eyes fell on and then immediately turned back to me with the dimples and eye-twinkle that this was a roll up. Even though I'm on a self-proclaimed man-break, you were cute enough for me to at least smile and chat. So I did. Your conversation wasn't all that deep but you held your own enough to recognize when I was digging for information and toss the conversation ball back across the net. Good for you.

From outside of our A-to-B conversation, it was obvious there was a flirt vibe going on between us. I smiled and met your gaze, you stepped closer. The conversation was very "you go-I go-you-go-again". All cool.

But I wonder, cute dude. What were you thinking trying to pick up one girl in the bookstore when you know you came in with your girlfriend? My, that was an awkward moment when she walked up and asked me who the hell I was and why I was talking to her man. By the way, it's YOUR job (as boyfriend) to answer that question. Not mine. Notice how I stayed silent? And when I gave you the "look" and walked away, your NEXT choice of action SHOULD have been explaining to her that you did not know me and were just chatting about whatever magazine was in your hand.

It was not wise of you to stand there next to your very pissed off girlfriend and decide to come after ME. What exactly were you thinking when you took two steps forward, reached out and tapped me on my shoulder saying, "Wait a minute"? Wait for what?

Dude, you know what kind of girlfriend you have. You have a girl that gets a) threatened when you talk to other women b) angry when she feels threatened and c) loud when she's angry. That's a bad combination, sir.

I am sorry she called you out your name and smacked you upside the head with her large and apparently heavy purse. But I do appreciate you regaining your balance in time to keep her from swinging at me. I'm not a fighter but I will dial 911 and report a crazy chick in a heartbeat. You definitively saved her from catching a case on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

In conclusion Bookstore Dude, was it worth it? I know you caught unholy hell the rest of the evening (assuming she's not still wailing away on you right now). Did you learn a lesson? Did anyone ever tell you not to dangle a rose in front of a daisy? Any of this making sense? Le Sigh, probably not. Just for your information though, we call this a HollaFail.

Best of luck to you, OneChele

BougieLand – just tell me why? Believe me, it is NOT that I was looking so yummylicious that he just had to roll up. So why? Why cause drama knowing old girl is there? Have you ever had this happen to you where all of a sudden you were in the middle of a Hot Mess you never asked for? Please share your thoughts, comments, and insights into this bit of tomfoolery. The floor is yours.