Why the Double Standard? Issue #1: Interracial Relationships

Let me preface this post by saying I have no beef with interracial dating, relationships, marriage. Get love where you find love, people. I have the entire United Nations and Rainbow Coalition up and through my BougieFam. As stated in previous posts, that which attracts people to each other is a mystery so I'm not about to judge someone for being with whomever their heart truly desires. Except for you fellas – you know who are, living in the hood perfectly content with cocoa Jacquishia on your arm until you get up out the hood with some change jingling and all of a sudden your arm candy is all flavorful, foreign and whatnot. You make me (and Jacquishia) very tired, but everyone else… go ahead and do you.

However, I have noticed there is a definite double standard with the interracial dating. Sure there are some sisters who throw visual and verbal daggers at a brother when he dates outside the race as in this scene from the Spike Lee classic Jungle Fever featuring Queen La in one of her early film roles (only version I could find, forgive the French subtitles):

All jokes aside, can we talk for a minute about the brothers getting all yoked up when they see a sister doing the same thing? Really though, you are giving us attitude when the whole world is telling us that waiting on a black man we'll never get married? I don't buy into it but I don't see sisters getting a ton of positive reinforcement. My own BougieYoungerBro told me JUST LAST WEEK, "The brothers aren't really checking for ya'll right now. It's kinda the day of the Latina or exotic babe." HOLD UP, he followed it with, "But you are cute enough to still pull something." **crickets** Yep, I threw him up out my house, slinging expletives and side-eyes the whole way. BougieMom should have beat his narrow behinds more when he was a child.

Let me share yet another BougieTale (I have 'em for days, folks) to illustrate my point. (names changed to protect the innocent… and the guilty)

The other evening I ventured out for a meal and movie with a gentleman not of African descent. We rolled up into a local jazz/supper club spot that I adore and were enjoying martinis and appetizers when a male acquaintance of mine from back in the day rolled up. More of a friend of a friend that I haven't seen in over five years.

"Michele, is that you?" He asked all loud, pulling me out of my chair and holding me close for an extended hug. I leaned back and gave him a patented OneChele "U don't know me like dat" look.

"Hey, Rick – what've you been up to?"

"You know me, just chillin'. Who's your friend?"

Hard side-eye, "Rick, Julian. Julian, Rick." I watched while they did the Black Man-Latino Man What-Up head bob. I sat back down next to Julian and we both looked up at Rick.

He stood there for an awkward moment before saying, "Have you seen Gene lately?" Foul on the play bringing up the ex.

"No I have not, have you seen Karla?" Karla was his ex-wife who booked out two years ago with all his money, his two kids and (we suspect) the contractor who was hired to lay tile… well, he laid something well. Moving on. I fight evil with evil.

He face got tart, "No I haven't. So this is how you roll now, huh?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm so disappointed. I mean of all the sisters, I never thought you-"

"What IS your problem?"

"You just gave up on the brothers, another lost to the other side. Brother can't get a shot?" He was talking very loudly and furthermore, his ex-wife was Filipino. Hello Pot, meet Kettle.

Julian gave me a 'should I handle this fool or will you' look. I raised my hand in an 'I got this' gesture. "Rick, I'm confused as to why a wave across the restaurant would not have sufficed. I'm confused as to why you are talking so loud? And I'm really confused as to how this concerns you? We are not friends."

"So that's how it is huh? Ya'll sitting up here eating smoked salmon and sh!t."

"Basically. We'd get back to it if you would leave."

"You ain't all that." Le Sigh.

"You never were. Hey, stay classy!"

He stormed off. Julian and I looked at each other before he said, "Would he have felt better if I ordered the nachos?"

We broke up laughing and went on with the evening. Unfortunately, Rick's hard glare was not the only one we got that night. So I called around to some of my friends, both male and female to see what kind of reactions they get when they date outside of race. The stories were as mild as whispers and glances and as bold as fist-fights and public cursing. And yes, the most bile was directed at the sisters. This is not a scientific poll by any means but it did reinforce some of the drama I've been a witness to. Is it because I'm in the South? Is it because Michelle and Barack are looking all black and beautiful in the White House and everyone figures if they can do it, everyone can? (FAIL)

It's 2009 people. Grow the F! up. As it happens, Julian and I did not have a ton in common so I probably won't go out with him again. I have a date lined up for this week back in my chocolate milieu but allow me to quote the ever-interesting Bobby Brown, "It's my prerogative. Let me live my life!"

What say you, BougieLand? How much drama is still associated with interracial relationships? Do sisters get more heat from the brothers? When do you think we will all just get along?