From the S.No.B. (So NOT Bougie) Files: TV Commercials

There is so much wrong with television today. I've have harped on reality shows and "news" (yes it deserves quotes). But it occurred to me last night that there is an entire subsection of television in need of a bougivention: Commercials. These 30 or 60-second (stretching to 3 or 5 minutes after midnight?!) spots should be informative, non-abrasive, entertaining and most of all back a product people could envision themselves purchasing. Here are a few commercials that don't make the cut in BougieLand:

Popeye's with "Chicken Annie": The Post-Racial Setback

Who at Popeye's HQ saw this and gave the green light? Chicken Annie is a thinner version of Mammy and Aunt Jemima… we are not amused. All she needs to do now is don a bandanna and find a way to slip a quote about "birthing babies" into the dialogue. We don't need a fast-talking, shucking 'n jiving sister shilling fried chicken. Fried chicken quite honestly sells itself. Why don't you get a dancing frog announcing for 2-for1 coupons while playing the banjo? This way you only offend dancing, banjo-picking frogs.

The Snuggie: The For-Who-For-Whatter

The fact that this thing is a best seller floors me. If it is cold 1) turn up the heat 2) put on more clothes 3) get a BLANKET 4) get next to someone warm. Ya'll do realize if you put a robe on backwards, it's this mess? And you're still buying it? In cheap blue and red fleece? Not bougie. Not sexy. Whoever invented this thing is laughing all the way to the bank. Men, if you own one and wear it just turn in your player card with your bougiepass on your way outta BougieLand. I'm. Just. Saying.

The Slap-Chop: The "What did he just say?"

Beyond the fact that this product has received some the worst reviews known to man, the pitchman (of Shamwow fame) is the most annoying dude with a voice that just grates after about fifteen seconds. Somewhere in here while talking about how wonderfully this thing chops he pauses and actually says, "You're gonna love my nuts." *crickets* Nuff said.

This next item I don't have a commercial for and if I did, I would not show it. One of my friends on twitter sent it to me as a sign in the serious moral decline of society and I had to agree.

I can't think of any good reason for this product to exist. There can NOT seriously be anyone out there who aspires for their little girl to grow up and strip. Truthfully, I'm struck speechless by the inappropriateness of this. I could (and may) do an entire week on the trend of hyper-sexualization of young girls in society. But for now I'll just say- someone go get the belt. Whoever come up with this is ripe for a beatdown.

Any commercials/products grating on your last nerve lately?