How am I high maintenance???

I have read so many blogs lately where the gentlemen are happily dispensing advice to the ladies on how to catch them, keep them, release them… yada, yada, yada. Before my head explodes, I have a few questions of my own. So in an open letter to some of the fellas; past present and future…

(Disclaimer: some of these BougieTales are generalized, others not so much. To anyone who might recognize themselves I say, it's better to be remembered without flattery than not remembered at all)

Hi guys, thanks so much for the interest. It's always lovely to be approached (not whistled at… "Hey baby gurl" is not an appropriate opening line). I appreciate you asking for my phone number/email address/Twitter account and you should appreciate the fact that I gave you the real one. Bunch of bruhs out there trying to dial 867-5309. (If you don't take my reference you are too young!) But now that you've gotten to know me a little bit and I've gotten to know you, I have to ask? Why do you think I'm high maintenance? Before you fall out laughing, let me tell you why I ask…

  1. How am I high maintenance if I'm maintaining myself? I did not ask you (nor will I) to pay for my mani/pedi, my cocoa butter spa wrap or my Zoom Whitening. I did not ask you to kick in towards the outfits you are appreciating. My shoe addiction is mine alone to maintain.
  2. How am I high maintenance for driving the car I drive? Wouldn't I be more high maintenance if I drove a bucket that broke down every other week?

  3. How am I high maintenance for not wanting to stay at the Airport Holiday Inn Express? You earn seven figures a year and you have me listening to takeoffs and landings half the night?

  4. How am I high maintenance for not wanting to go camping? Can't you be glad I know my limitations? Do you really want to see me without the benefit of toiletries and hot running water?

  5. How am I high maintenance for asking you what you do for a living? Can I not get kudos for keeping a straight face when you said, "Digital Call-Intake Technician?" Do you think I don't know that means Call Center Rep? (NTTAWWT- not that there's anything wrong with that!)

  6. How am I high maintenance for not wanting to eat at Chili's on my BIRTHDAY. (Wait for it…) And then HAVING TO PICK UP THE CHECK because you were "short" on a $25 tab?

  7. How am I high maintenance for having a standing hair appointment with my stylist (and for using the word stylist instead of hairdresser)? Have you seen me without my hair done? You really don't want to. I can only carry off the cute "just trying to get to the salon" ponytail for a day before all sorts of hair rebellion sets in.

  8. How am I high maintenance for wanting to go to Macy*s to shop when the weather turned unexpectedly cold on our vacation? Have you seen this body? It's not 25 anymore. I can't just slap on off-the-rack Wal-Mart T-shirts with generic jeans and make it work. I need stitching and tailoring and professionally-engineered stretch denim!

  9. How am I high-maintenance when it takes me less time to get ready than you? Seriously, I had the make-up on, the outfit on and the ankle straps buckled before you emerged with the towel on talking about, "We're leaving in 15 minutes!" What all do you men DO in the shower anyway… or do I want to know?

  10. You cannot call me high maintenance for wanting to watch my NFL Sunday Ticket in HD. You're the one who got me into high-def habit in the first place. Regular TV looked okay to me until I saw this.

After reading my list of questions and reflecting upon the answers, if you still think I'm high maintenance then I must ask… why are you so interested in maintaining me?J

In your opinion, what makes someone (male or female) high-maintenance, and is it necessarily a bad thing?